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"people with opinions just go around bothering eachother"
Hi.
I am new to newbuddhist and there's one thing that's been troubling me for a while; that is, the whole concept on opinion.
people in my daily life seem very opinionated about aspects of their lives and i find it difficult to comprehend since i believe that one should keep an open mind in life to experience it fully.
that being said, how can i deal with people who try to force opinions on me, and not look like a pushover when i am 'keeping an open mind' - as often one seems to be considered weak when they are not opinionated on something.
Thanks for your help!
James
I am new to newbuddhist and there's one thing that's been troubling me for a while; that is, the whole concept on opinion.
people in my daily life seem very opinionated about aspects of their lives and i find it difficult to comprehend since i believe that one should keep an open mind in life to experience it fully.
that being said, how can i deal with people who try to force opinions on me, and not look like a pushover when i am 'keeping an open mind' - as often one seems to be considered weak when they are not opinionated on something.
Thanks for your help!
James
0
Comments
The way I used to deal with people was to let them know that they were entitled to their opinions even if I disagreed with them.However if I found someones opinion to be particularly nasty i.e racist,sexist,homophobic etc then I would let them know that I did not wish to listen to these opinions.
With metta
They are not, however, entitled to their own facts.
The key is in understanding. Use their opinions to help improve your understanding and compassion.
One way is to look at the function of opinions ... having a strong opinion makes us feel very secure. We "understand", we are "right", we have some "control" over this big uncertainty we call Life ... oh the "rewards" of having an opinion are great and many. This is why we become so attached and hooked by our opinions ... all of us, regardless of whether or not we practice Buddhism. To see this in those who are trying to force their opinions down our throat is to open up our heart so that we can work on feeling compassion for others ... to see how desperately they are striving for security and safety, and how insecure and unsafe they must be feeling. We allow ourselves to ache for them.
Another way is to look at our own inner reactions when someone is trying to force an opinion on us ... opening up to the rawness of our own wish to not look like a pushover (you put it so honestly and so well), and even to our own wish that the world conform to our opinion of what is "proper". This is one of countless ways in which we are attached to the concept of "me". From this vantage we are able to open up our heart so that we can work on feeling compassion for ourselves ... to see how desperately we try to find self-approval and a strong inner footing in our own life. We allow ourselves to ache for ourselves.
So for those who try to force their opinion down your throat, first look for compassion for them and for yourself. I always find it useful, if words are necessary, to gently say, "You may be right".
We all tend to get very attached to our own opinions and we're very influenced by different kinds of conditioning. People also develop religious views about what's right and wrong and we cling on to those too.
Its always best not to fall too quickly under the influence of others who take strong positions - and just observe and investigate thoroughly in all areas of our experience, whilst remaining gentle with ourselves and others.
Kind wishes,
Dazzle
.
After all being open minded does not necessarily mean not having an opinion, it means that you're able to communicate effectively.
Of course some people just want to have a verbal war, resorting to put downs, insults, shouting and indimidation. Now, if you are open minded then nobody really has a cause to call you a fool or an idiot and use cuss words in sheer frustration. You, on the other hand, do have a good reason to say such things to anyone with such an unassailable position, even though you know it's going to be useless, and maybe unwise to do so.
The trick is to know whether a persons viewpoint is unassailable or entrenched. If it's the former then it might take a while to sink in; if it's the latter then you're obviously not going to cover any ground.
Every single one of us is opinionated. Maybe it's the style of opinionating that counts, because when you make a post, you take a position. Consider someone who thinks they are beyond attachment to view, and that the views they express are not their opinion. How scary is that?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R9x4qfyuWOE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OoMtVN44HXo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2Ku6B211Gs
thank you so much! this has really opened my eyes to a view that i could not see. perhaps i am too focused on what ones opinion does to me, instead of why one may voice an opinion in the first place.
you are correct, i think that people do come across as very opinionated when they are insecure and are looking for safety in this world also. and compassion seems to be the way that we can deal with this. thank you!
/agree ^
Seeing misery in views and opinions, without adopting any, I found inner peace and freedom. One who is free does not hold to views or dispute opinions. For a sage there is no higher, lower, nor equal, no places in which the mind can stick. But those who grasp after views and opinions only wander about the world annoying people.
:smilec:
I tend to think in the moment, and judge things how I see them, when I see them. So I dont frequently carry an opinion with me for long, but rather form them as I go. What this results in is I often change my opinion, or simply don't even express one until I have heard someone elses and see how they perceive it.
Some people are really outspoken, and do nothing but spout their opinions. Frequently people develop these opinions based on their own experiences...and what I've began to realize is that you can learn a lot about a person by what kind of opinions they hold. Personally I think every person is interesting, and even if they hold an opinion that I don't share, I still think it is intriguing to try to see things from their perspective.
But like people in this thread have been saying, your own self-worth shouldn't be based on others opinions of you. Whether or not you appear to be a "pushover" shouldn't make any difference to you. Appearances are only appearances, and if you are in touch with your core sense of being then you will never be a pushover.
Opinions are cherished by many, but the more permanent we let an opinion become, the less skillful we are in mindfulness and awareness. Letting the mind accept reality is skillful.
I think that opinions should be like holding a good hand of playing cards. We should be willing to discard if one is outdated or incorrect. If more people were willing to hold their opinions lightly, then there wouldn't be so much conflict in the world.
This world is very naughty