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Rubbing off on you.
Lately I've began to observe people in my silence, and have come to hear and see some.... unnecessarily unpleasant things and I find that when I'm surrounded by it, I start to feel negative myself.
Whether it be just the people I'm forced around or 'friends.' I'm just uncertain lately, any help appreciated.
Thanks.
Whether it be just the people I'm forced around or 'friends.' I'm just uncertain lately, any help appreciated.
Thanks.
0
Comments
Be the instrument of change in your group. Be there for your friends and for your strangers. Don't be an island. Break the taboos. Talk it out with lots of humor mixed in to ease people into the idea that they need to be positive!
Jack Kornfield, in his book The Wise Heart, describes it like this:
"Western psychology has documented this phenomenon of 'mood contagion' or limbic resonance. If a person filled with panic or hatred walks into a room, we feel it immediately, and unless we are very mindful, that person's negative state will begin to overtake our own. When a joyfully expressive person walks into a room, we can feel that state as well."
But how do you work it in if all they want to do is bash other people, ideas, etc? Especially if they don't think there's a problem with it.
Do not associate with evil friends,
Do not associate with the lowest of people.
Associate with virtuous friends,
Associate with the best of people. (78)
While I'm not naive enough to think that this is always possible, I too make every effort to make it so.
Remember the old adage: If you lie down with dogs, you'll get up with fleas.
It's good to see the noble ones;
Their company is always a delight.
Free from the sight of fools,
One would constantly be happy. [206]
One who keeps company with fools
Will grieve for a long, long time.
Living with fools is painful,
As is living with foes.
Living with the wise is delightful,
Like relatives gathered together. [207]
Therefore:
You should follow a good, intellegent person
Who is wise, insightful, learned,
Committed to virtue, dutiful, and noble,
As the moon follows the path of the stars. [208]
The Buddha makes it very clear how important he considers making friends with people of integrity in this sutta.
SN 45.2 PTS: S v 2
CDB ii 1524
Upaddha Sutta: Half (of the Holy Life)
translated from the Pali by
Thanissaro Bhikkhu
© 1997–2010
I have heard that on one occasion the Blessed One was living among the Sakyans. Now there is a Sakyan town named Sakkara. There Ven. Ananda went to the Blessed One and, on arrival, having bowed down to the Blessed One, sat to one side. As he was sitting there, Ven. Ananda said to the Blessed One, "This is half of the holy life, lord: admirable friendship, admirable companionship, admirable camaraderie."[1]
"Don't say that, Ananda. Don't say that. Admirable friendship, admirable companionship, admirable camaraderie is actually the whole of the holy life. When a monk has admirable people as friends, companions, & comrades, he can be expected to develop & pursue the noble eightfold path.
"And how does a monk who has admirable people as friends, companions, & comrades, develop & pursue the noble eightfold path? There is the case where a monk develops right view dependent on seclusion, dependent on dispassion, dependent on cessation, resulting in relinquishment. He develops right resolve ... right speech ... right action ... right livelihood ... right effort ... right mindfulness ... right concentration dependent on seclusion, dependent on dispassion, dependent on cessation, resulting in relinquishment. This is how a monk who has admirable people as friends, companions, & colleagues, develops & pursues the noble eightfold path.
"And through this line of reasoning one may know how admirable friendship, admirable companionship, admirable camaraderie is actually the whole of the holy life: It is in dependence on me as an admirable friend that beings subject to birth have gained release from birth, that beings subject to aging have gained release from aging, that beings subject to death have gained release from death, that beings subject to sorrow, lamentation, pain, distress, & despair have gained release from sorrow, lamentation, pain, distress, & despair. It is through this line of reasoning that one may know how admirable friendship, admirable companionship, admirable camaraderie is actually the whole of the holy life."
Notes
<dl><dt>1.</dt><dd>As AN 8.54 points out, this means not only associating with good people, but also learning from them and emulating their good qualities. </dd></dl>
Dhammapada is the only one that I have been able to find.
As well, thanks for the input!
Of course when having to deal with those whom are negative we should maintain a happy mind alone and apply the trainings of viewing them purely and really test how well our Dharma practise is changing our mind
Namaste
Also, the forum's very own Bhikkhu Samahita and his Saddhamma Sangha web site - "What the Buddha said in plain English: http://what-buddha-said.net/index.htm
Another great source is "In the Buddha's Words: An Anthology of Discourses from the Pali Canon" by Bhikkhu Bodhi
As I have experienced living on my own for some time, I can surely say, that avoidance is the best practice, if you find staying positive/mindful too hard.
Stick around yes, educate them, well that has never worked for me.
All people have the potential for negativity, but we need people, so all you can do is love them, forgive them, and have compassion.
And of course there will be situations where we have to protect ourselves and move on or stay away when that is the best outcome. It can be a difficult and painful situation when we need to make these decisions and live by them.
What works best for me is to focus on myself rather than what is presented to me by others - being a " breath of fresh air " to blow away the negativity - speaking and being the example.
Reminds me of what happened around my family this week - my 14 year old was being argumentative and targetting me recently ... my mother in law and I were engaged in an activity painting at the time ( house painting ) and it wasn't a convenient time to get into any discussion ( or maybe it was, I don't enjoy painting ceilings - lol ).
My mother in law commented, in her Australian and wonderfully honest style, " gee, mum couldn't shit in the ocean at the moment, could she Beck " - my daughter got it straight away and smiled at me ... then I felt and observed a look of guilt, regret or something negative from her in relation to it all and said " well are you going to get changed and help us or not " which she did and actually enjoyed herself ... later I said that it was like she has on her facebook page " Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we're here we should dance ". She has quoted Nanna's statement to me as a deflection when things was starting to get toey again this week - that's how it works around my home.
I have certain friends but I no longer think I should consider them this way, as they have..... unwholesomeness that we had all once been apart of, and I would like to break away from it, like some of the other people I knew who were once apart of it. I'm just not sure what to do to really 'cut the ties,' if you will.
The lines I quote in my signature pretty much sums it up for me.
Just my 2½ cents.
I had to reread some of the posts, but you are right.
Focusing on Metta is a very good "protection" from this negativity. It is true that the Buddha advises not to associate with negative people. However, sometimes that is just not possible. Your boss, coworkers, relatives, etc. might be acting/speaking negatively. Loving-kindness is the great protector.
Do what you have to, find new friends and places!
Best wishes and many blessings!
What is your emotion? Be detached.
I actually picked that book up the other day.
Stay away from the feeling of dislike or thoughts of.. whatever, and just remain at peace?
It was a bit tough.