Having a hard time...

ittybittybat

I'm having a hard time meditating because I am not entirely sure how to go about it. I often sit in the Lotus position with my head slightly bowed and my eyes half closed. For the past few months (when I get the time and privacy to do so) my meditation sessions get worse and worse and now I don't even remember how to meditate properly at all. I have only done it properly once, and that was the first time I had ever done it.

I have a hard time because my family doesn't know about me being Buddhist, so I have to wait for them to fall asleep before I can meditate and when I do, I can't seem to calm my thoughts down. I've tried concentrating on my breath (which just makes it harder for me to concentrate, for some reason) and I've also tried focusing on one thought, but others seem to invade and pretty soon I'm not even meditating anymore, but thinking. Half the time I don't even realize that I am doing that and then I catch myself, get frustrated and give up. I would take a class, but my mother has no idea that I am Buddhist (let alone Muslim and Christian as well) and would probably get mad at me if she found out (she's pretty Christian). The one time she found out that I was meditating, she flipped out on me.

How do I meditate properly and keep the random thoughts as supressed as possible? I have no idea where to begin...

Epicurus

You don't want to suppress them. So as an even "more beginner" meditator than you (probably), I would suggest try cultivating the habit of being mindful of your thoughts throughout the day. Then when you are meditating you are more used to the "observer" position. I think I'm getting slightly better at it, and this is basically the idea I came up with. Basically not putting so much importance in those 15-30 minutes a day that you can dedicate to meditation, but practicing, awareness throughout the day.

I'm very bad at compartmentalizing so, I opted for a more all or nothing approach lol.

But I'm not someone you should ask for advice.

footiam

When you wrote that your family do not know you are a Buddhist etc, I can't help but be reminded of those Roman days when the Christians used to go underground. It would not be nice, I suppose but about meditation, you don't just have to sit up straight. You can meditate even when you do your normal chore. Just be aware and do relax! You don't have to get so serious so much so that you get stressed!

zenbiker

ittybittybat wrote: »

I've also tried focusing on one thought, but others seem to invade and pretty soon I'm not even meditating anymore, but thinking. Half the time I don't even realize that I am doing that and then I catch myself, get frustrated and give up.

This is totally normal for meditating. In fact, when I meditate -- which is only 10-15 minutes per day -- I probably spend the vast majority of that time telling myself "thinking -- return to the breath". :cool: The key is not to get frustrated by it, since it happens to everyone. I'd say that the point of meditation for me, at least, is to catch myself thinking and then return to the breath (or thought, or what have you).

Remember, there's really not a "right way" or "proper way" to meditate. You don't need to suppress thoughts -- just notice them and acknowledge them in a non-judgmental way. Even if your entire meditation session is having a random thought, then returning to your breath, then having a random thought, then returning to your breath, over and over...it's still really awesome practice!

Dazzle

Hi ittybittybat,

Try watching this Buddhist Meditation series (the first one is the introduction) and maybe just start with 10 mins to begin with.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rd7a9Ur2x0o

Hope that's helpful.

Kind wishes,

Dazzle

Jeffrey

I think its a good sign that you are noticing that you are having a lot of thoughts. That itself is awareness. Having the thoughts themselves is neither good or bad. All you have to do is to see your experience as it is.

patbb

ittybittybat wrote: »

I'm having a hard time meditating because I am not entirely sure how to go about it. I often sit in the Lotus position with my head slightly bowed and my eyes half closed. For the past few months (when I get the time and privacy to do so) my meditation sessions get worse and worse and now I don't even remember how to meditate properly at all. I have only done it properly once, and that was the first time I had ever done it.

I have a hard time because my family doesn't know about me being Buddhist, so I have to wait for them to fall asleep before I can meditate and when I do, I can't seem to calm my thoughts down. I've tried concentrating on my breath (which just makes it harder for me to concentrate, for some reason) and I've also tried focusing on one thought, but others seem to invade and pretty soon I'm not even meditating anymore, but thinking. Half the time I don't even realize that I am doing that and then I catch myself, get frustrated and give up. I would take a class, but my mother has no idea that I am Buddhist (let alone Muslim and Christian as well) and would probably get mad at me if she found out (she's pretty Christian). The one time she found out that I was meditating, she flipped out on me.

How do I meditate properly and keep the random thoughts as supressed as possible? I have no idea where to begin...

If you understand what you are trying to do with concentration meditation, it will be easier for you.

What you are trying to do is develop concentration. (not become thoughtless, not anything else, just develop concentration)

So put your attention gently on the breath, whenever you realize you are distracted, just gently put your attention back on the breath. thats it. nothing else to do.
Don't do anything to your thoughts, thoughts are not the enemy, don't fight them, don't suppress them, just gently put your attention back on the breath.
Same with sensations like body pain, feelings ect... Don't do anything to them, let them be and just gently refocus your attention on the breath whenever you realize that your attention was on them.

Don't think about why your attention was on them either, don't talk to your thought ("shut up thought!!"), don't talk yourself into refocusing your attention on the thought...
Just immediately when you realize your attention was on a thought or a feeling or whatever, just gently refocus your attention.

thats all you have to do.

Do nothing, but re-focus your attention on the breath when distrated by anything.

Don't worry, meditation will come.

Eventually he tornado of thought will slow down as a result of not having your attention, your mind will calm down and you will develop concentration.

newtech

Hi.

U will keep bouncing until u find a method, and u practice always the same method.
If u do some different meditation everytime u sit, progress wont be that good. It will give u perspective, but no "progress".

Now, how tu find a method?..if u are a buddhist, read the suttas that contain meditation instructions.Then go to contemporany teachers that give interpretations about that instructions. Then practice that method long enought until u say: this feels right, or u say. This doesnt feel right. And you move to other technique

buddhajunkie

It would be helpful if you can find a place to meditate without having the fear that your mom will come barging in and catch you in the act.

Lol, usually kids worry about the mom catching them "self-pleasuring", but I understand.

-- Is there somewhere else you can go? A public library? A park?


-- The problem with meditating at night is that your mind may be full of junk from the day's events. Thus, meditating in the morning is probably much more effective. Thus, waiting for your mom to go to sleep may be a hindrance.

-- One alternative, which I myself have used, is to give yourself "camouflage." Meaning, take a position such that it doesn't look like you are meditating. For example, perhaps you can sit at your desk in front of your computer, back to the door, and meditate. If mom comes in, she'll just think you're working on the computer (watching porn, perhaps... lol).

-- As for your restless mind:
1. I've found that walking meditation can help with restlessness. Try that. I also think it is a great practice for other reasons.


2. The most powerful "antidote" to a wandering mind is "mental noting." This is where you will use simple words to describe mental activities or states. For example, as you watch your breath, note: "in breath, out breath" or "rising... falling." When a distraction comes, note: "thinking" or "feeling" or "hearing" etc.

Mental noting is a very powerful technique. If there is a downside to mental noting is that it tends to quash the distraction to the point that you gain no insight. (This is why I've recently stopped doing mental noting.)

Check out the following on mental noting:

http://www.insightmeditationcenter.org/books-articles/articles/mental-noting/

Also, listen to the podcast on the same topic:

http://amberstar.libsyn.com/index.php?post_id=43433

Gil Fronsdal is a great teacher, and listening to his podcasts are a great way to find a virtual sangha that can teach and inspire you.

here's his podcast on walking meditation:

http://amberstar.libsyn.com/index.php?post_id=46353

Good luck, and feel free to ask for more help!

-bj

ittybittybat

Thanks, guys! I'll try some of these tips and I'll look at those videos and see if they help.

kingsphere

ittybittybat wrote: »

Thanks, guys! I'll try some of these tips and I'll look at those videos and see if they help.

Ok first when mom catches you meditating tell her immediately. "Mom, I imagining how jesus looks like!" In other words visualize Jesus! Its how you were raised and it'll be the easiest thing to set your mind on. See his face his beard his robe see him! This after a bit will calm you because right now you need to use what you already know. Then make sure your posture is correct an
d work on breathing through the tummy not the chest very important. There's the tandon method which is very useful. I'm on a phone so I gotta stop typing and find my keys! Blessed be your work

upalabhava

kingsphere wrote: »

Ok first when mom catches you meditating tell her immediately. "Mom, I imagining how jesus looks like!"

Is a great idea!

Thus I heard...

Judas said, "Tell us, Lord, what was [...] before the heaven and the earth existed."

The Lord said, "There was darkness and water, and spirit upon water. And I say to you [...] what you seek after [...] inquire after [...] within you [...] the power and the mystery [...] spirit, for from [...] wickedness [...] come [...] mind [...] behold [...][...]."

[...] said, "Lord, tell us where the [...] is established, and where the true mind exists."

The Lord said, "The fire of the spirit came into existence [...] both. On this account, the [...] came into existence, and the true mind came into existence within them [...]. If someone sets his soul up high, then he will be exalted."

And Matthew asked him, "[...] took [...], it is he who [...]."

The Lord said, "[...] stronger than [...] you [...] to follow you and all the works [...] your hearts. For just as your hearts [...], so [...] the means to overcome the powers above, as well as those below [...]. I say to you, let him who possesses power renounce it and repent. And let him who [...] seek and find and rejoice."

Judas said, "Behold! I see that all things exist [...] like signs upon [...]. On this account did they happen thus."

genkaku

A pretty good description of how to meditate in Zen ... with pictures: http://mro.org/zmm/teachings/meditation.php

Cloud

There's a kind of sneaky-fear you describe that can only harm your practice. Better to let other people be distracted by your practice than be distracted yourself! If they don't understand, explain. If they still don't understand, stop worrying about it; no one else is truly your problem, and you can't force people to think a certain way or to accept your choices/views.

Spaceless

Another method that you may wish to consider is the recitation of mantra in the mind such as Om Mani Padme Hum. This type of meditation / mindfulness seemed suitable for you, as it does not distract your family because of the nature of silent recitation. It also allow you to achieve mindfulness in any places without hindrance. Once you are in privacy, you may switch to lotus sitting position.
With metta!