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Is it ever skillful to enter a romantic relationship?
Good point. FUNNY! Thanks for making that observation. I'm sorry I didn't think of that! I could have saved you some trouble if I did! I'm sorry for causing you trouble. Matter of fact I'm sorry for what I'm about to do: hit the "post comment" button. Okay, I'm sorry - for going of topic again. I'm glad (opposite of sorry) to be serious for a while. :dunce:
'was refering to a ragazza (girl/woman) that has a psyche "protected" by a mental wall... and has no idea what kamma råga is (but that may or may not become a buddha in this very lifetime; after some meditation and dharma practicing... and is currently a srotapanna?).
but, you can not say "I'm sorry" to a wall...
Good point. FUNNY! Thanks for making that observation. I'm sorry I didn't think of that! I could have saved you some trouble if I did! I'm sorry for causing you trouble. Matter of fact I'm sorry for what I'm about to do: hit the "post comment" button. Okay, I'm sorry - for going of topic again. I'm glad (opposite of sorry) to be serious for a while. :dunce:
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federicaSeeker of the clear blue sky...Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubtModerator
Vincenzi, would you care to make sense and post in English only, please? Thanks. (I did advise you that posts not presented in English {outside the Advanced Ideas Forum} would be deleted. be warned, I will now start doing that. )
RE: Mindfullness--if you go into a relationship because of neediness, meaning you want the other person to complete you, or cheer you up, or to provide something you're lacking, it won't work in the end. So mindfullness of one's needs and shortcomings is important. Some people need to get therapy before they can skillfully enter into a relationship.
Imo, relationship is fulfilment of mutual needs.
"Therapy" is needed when an individual does not understand the meaning of "mutual".
No, it was deleted. If I'd wanted to censor anything, it's possible you wouldn't even be here by now. But here - you are.....;)
Censorship does happen; the administrators remove comments they feel are offensive or combative.
or just pointless, unnecessary and frankly adding nothing to the discussion. Ask Pietro. Much of what he posts, remains. Some of what he posts is completely useless, redundant and utterly irrelevant. You won't find many of his posts (like that) on here, because they will have been removed for being completely Off-topic and non-contributory.
TO EVERYONE: Please consider whether your posts are actually relevant to topic and do constructively contribute a valid, pertinent and appropriate PoV to the thread. Thanks, all.
This is right, all non relevant topics and posts have to be deleted to respect this site. We have to be mindful that eventually, all relevant postings and topics got to enter into the realm of irrelevancy, as Tathāgata-garbha is a state of non-discrimination and imagelessness, purely emptiness bliss and loving-kindness. Namaste with Metta :clap:
I remember a story about the Buddha at a wedding, he was saying marriage is a great thing (definetly not it those words). He went on to say that what's even better (or makes you happier) is a life dedicated to truth.
I would think that a loving marriage based on truth and the understanding that all things are temporary could actually be a good thing.
I often get the advice that I over-rationalise a lot of things, also when it comes to relationships, that I think too much and should just go with my feelings. The poster might have the same "problem". This seems good advice because isn't this also what is said in Buddhism, that we think too much and need to meditate about things that cause chaos in our minds? We keep thinking, thinking, thinking and this isn't good for us? Or was it not said and am I just making this up?
But reading Glow's very good post, it seems using a rational mind isn't a bad thing when deciding about relationships? I don't know anymore. :P
Reading my post again I realise I'm still very attached to my ego, I guess this makes a big difference when trying to understand if thinking is bad or good for a romantic relationship.
I thinking is always good. Thinking in the sense that you are being mindlessly led by what you THINK you want/like/feel. Because that's the problem.
Only a fool would make life-altering commitments during the infatuation phase of relationships without stepping back and detaching from the whole thing to accurately analyze the situation.
I thinking is always good. Thinking in the sense that you are being mindlessly led by what you THINK you want/like/feel. Because that's the problem.
Only a fool would make life-altering commitments during the infatuation phase of relationships without stepping back and detaching from the whole thing to accurately analyze the situation.
But perhaps every decision we make is "life-altering". If I didn't drive down a certain street to pick up dinner on a certain day and see a help wanted sign on a window, I wouldn't have made the decision to go in and get hired, where I then decided to quit a few months later because a co-worker started her own business in which she hired me for. Then, at the new business, I wouldn't have met a woman who I began to date and then get married to.
None of this really happened, but what decision is life-altering here? Deciding to pick up food? Driving down a certain street? Deciding to go with the other job? Deciding to get married?
It seems to be when we analyze something, something else isn't being analyzed. So many things in flux, so many decisions and outcomes that are out of our control.
None of this really happened, but what decision is life-altering here? Deciding to pick up food? Driving down a certain street? Deciding to go with the other job? Deciding to get married?
So many things in flux, so many decisions and outcomes that are out of our control.
Then there's the question: are these seemingly random decisions/events really due to our "control", our decision-making, or is most of it karmically programmed? Are the bigger matters part of our life script?
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federicaSeeker of the clear blue sky...Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubtModerator
Will NO ONE directly address my questions in a more concrete way please?
"Is it ever skilful to enter a Romantic Relationship?"
Pretty self-explanatory question.
Yes, at the time one decides to enter into a romantic relationship, I'm sure the premise behind it is laden choc-a-block with skilfulness. You are happy, the other person is happy, it's what you want, it's what they want, it's a mutual decision based on the desire to be happy and to make someone else happy. There is nothing more skilful than that.
Why wouldn't it be skillful? Only if one or both parties enter into it with insincere motives, if they're not honest with each other about their motives. (Lots of hand-wringing about relationships on the forum lately...)
Epicurus, picking up a note from another thread of yours, if you're not interested in a committed, LTR right now, you'll have to find someone who's interested in the same thing you are, and be honest with them about it (there are women out there who are on your wavelength, though finding them may be easier said than done, I don't know). The only potential pitfall is if one of you becomes attached. Good luck.
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federicaSeeker of the clear blue sky...Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubtModerator
I find it strange, from a purely personal PoV, that you (Epicurus) seem so intent on finding specific answers to something which to be honest, is a complete unknown. No matter what responses we give you in theory, you - and only you - can put into practice what you put into practice, when the situation arises. Do you put this much thought into the livelihood you choose, for example? Most of your threads/questions hinge around having an intimate relationship. All relationships, no matter with whom or when, should be approached in a similar manner. is it skilful to have ANY relationships at all, given the attachment we develop to that relationship? You need to loosen your grip on determining definite answers to something nobody can discern, but you..... Generally speaking, we can respond. Take what you can from that. I hope you find something useful here, but I don't really know if any of us have - or ever can - give you the answers you seem to crave.
None of this really happened, but what decision is life-altering here? Deciding to pick up food? Driving down a certain street? Deciding to go with the other job? Deciding to get married?
So many things in flux, so many decisions and outcomes that are out of our control.
Then there's the question: are these seemingly random decisions/events really due to our "control", our decision-making, or is most of it karmically programmed? Are the bigger matters part of our life script?
Based on observing just sitting here, the only thing I am controlling is my body. When I eventually drive my car to work in awhile, I will be in partial control of the car, but there are seemingly endless things going on under the hood, down to the microscopic level: wear and tear, the tires will be driving over roads with who knows what on them, other drivers, traffic lights, moisture falling from the sky, my heart beating, trains, animals running into the road, or not.
Knowing all this is not enough, because there are countless more things that could be observed that are not in my control that I don't even know about.
Being mindful of this is enough, because I can be aware of the harmonic existence that is relatively dependent on everything else.
I can think about it into oblivion, or I can be aware of it and my thinking.
Comments
gish/geesh... 'guess kamma råga is broken in me, but not in others... must, practice, more karuna (compassion).
Thanks.
(I did advise you that posts not presented in English {outside the Advanced Ideas Forum} would be deleted. be warned, I will now start doing that. )
"Therapy" is needed when an individual does not understand the meaning of "mutual".
This seems good advice because isn't this also what is said in Buddhism, that we think too much and need to meditate about things that cause chaos in our minds? We keep thinking, thinking, thinking and this isn't good for us?
Or was it not said and am I just making this up?
But reading Glow's very good post, it seems using a rational mind isn't a bad thing when deciding about relationships? I don't know anymore. :P
Reading my post again I realise I'm still very attached to my ego, I guess this makes a big difference when trying to understand if thinking is bad or good for a romantic relationship.
Only a fool would make life-altering commitments during the infatuation phase of relationships without stepping back and detaching from the whole thing to accurately analyze the situation.
None of this really happened, but what decision is life-altering here? Deciding to pick up food? Driving down a certain street? Deciding to go with the other job? Deciding to get married?
It seems to be when we analyze something, something else isn't being analyzed. So many things in flux, so many decisions and outcomes that are out of our control.
There is nothing more skilful than that.
KEEPING it skilful, is the harder trick.
Do you put this much thought into the livelihood you choose, for example?
Most of your threads/questions hinge around having an intimate relationship.
All relationships, no matter with whom or when, should be approached in a similar manner.
is it skilful to have ANY relationships at all, given the attachment we develop to that relationship?
You need to loosen your grip on determining definite answers to something nobody can discern, but you.....
Generally speaking, we can respond. Take what you can from that.
I hope you find something useful here, but I don't really know if any of us have - or ever can - give you the answers you seem to crave.
Knowing all this is not enough, because there are countless more things that could be observed that are not in my control that I don't even know about.
Being mindful of this is enough, because I can be aware of the harmonic existence that is relatively dependent on everything else.
I can think about it into oblivion, or I can be aware of it and my thinking.