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Are we being deceptive online?
Hello friends,
I was thinking this: Is there a danger with online Buddhist discussion sites, like newbuddhist.com, that we are tempted to portray ourselves as far better than we actually are?
Is it that we can come on here and practice being more spiritual and encourage one-another to deeper practice; or is it really that we come on here, use all the 'right' language and make our we're on the cusp of being the next Buddha?
It's a dilemma for me. I know I'm a pretty ropey Buddhist in real life, although I try. However, when I'm online, I try hard to use Right Speech, to consider others, to act with genuine compassion. It is easier for me to type stuff - I've always been better written-down than face-to-face. But should I be concerned that in doing so, I might come across as far wiser and 'sorted' than I really am? After all, if I'm grumpy or depressed, I tend to avoid the Internet and if someone winds me up, its my policy to ignore them or block them.
Having been a former fundamentalist Christian, I am deeply concerned about hypocrisy. I want very much to be authentic, in everyday life and online. My teacher (would-be teacher as I haven't taken refuge yet) encourages me that this is correct, as it is how he lives his life: open, humble and good humoured.
If we are better online because the nature of the medium is that it is easier to be careful, that's surely a good thing. And as many of us are isolated from chatting to other Buddhists in everyday life, even if we belong to nice sanghas, perhaps we take the rare opportunity to talk "technical" with one another, which could also be a good thing. But isn't there also a temptation to fake-it online?
What sparked this concern in me was a discussion about meditation. I was very interested in the discussion but initially I hesitated to be honest about my own practice because I thought it would sound bad. Meditation is probably the area of dharma that I struggle with most, which is probably not unusual for a Westerner.
I had a similar problem with a debate about the Precepts, as I don't feel I do too well on that score either. Should I be honest about being a bad Buddhist, or should I keep it to myself so as not to discourage newbies? Or in avoiding the issue, am I in danger of giving a newbie the impression I make HH Dalai Lama look bad?
This is not intended as an accusation or criticism of any individuals, but does going online encourage us to hypocrisy? Or do we just accept that communication is always imperfect, especially that involving the Internet?
I was thinking this: Is there a danger with online Buddhist discussion sites, like newbuddhist.com, that we are tempted to portray ourselves as far better than we actually are?
Is it that we can come on here and practice being more spiritual and encourage one-another to deeper practice; or is it really that we come on here, use all the 'right' language and make our we're on the cusp of being the next Buddha?
It's a dilemma for me. I know I'm a pretty ropey Buddhist in real life, although I try. However, when I'm online, I try hard to use Right Speech, to consider others, to act with genuine compassion. It is easier for me to type stuff - I've always been better written-down than face-to-face. But should I be concerned that in doing so, I might come across as far wiser and 'sorted' than I really am? After all, if I'm grumpy or depressed, I tend to avoid the Internet and if someone winds me up, its my policy to ignore them or block them.
Having been a former fundamentalist Christian, I am deeply concerned about hypocrisy. I want very much to be authentic, in everyday life and online. My teacher (would-be teacher as I haven't taken refuge yet) encourages me that this is correct, as it is how he lives his life: open, humble and good humoured.
If we are better online because the nature of the medium is that it is easier to be careful, that's surely a good thing. And as many of us are isolated from chatting to other Buddhists in everyday life, even if we belong to nice sanghas, perhaps we take the rare opportunity to talk "technical" with one another, which could also be a good thing. But isn't there also a temptation to fake-it online?
What sparked this concern in me was a discussion about meditation. I was very interested in the discussion but initially I hesitated to be honest about my own practice because I thought it would sound bad. Meditation is probably the area of dharma that I struggle with most, which is probably not unusual for a Westerner.
I had a similar problem with a debate about the Precepts, as I don't feel I do too well on that score either. Should I be honest about being a bad Buddhist, or should I keep it to myself so as not to discourage newbies? Or in avoiding the issue, am I in danger of giving a newbie the impression I make HH Dalai Lama look bad?
This is not intended as an accusation or criticism of any individuals, but does going online encourage us to hypocrisy? Or do we just accept that communication is always imperfect, especially that involving the Internet?
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Comments
I don't think it encourages hypocrisy though, it just makes it obvious and gives something to work on. I know I am not perfect and I don't for a second pretend otherwise.
And believe you men, hypocrisy irritates me more than selfishness and a bunch of other stuff....
As for being honest about how you are , I think you always should of course. If a newbie is discouraged because you were honest then tough luck. It's not your responsibility. Everyone is responsible for themselves
'feel... my responsability is more (than the responsability in giving best advice... of a samsåraputra / children of suffering).
Here's a quote from Andre Gide,(French writer, humanist and moralist, 1947 Nobel prize for literature winner)
“It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for something you are not.”
Read other people's posts more than you write your own posts.
Ask if what you write is speculation and theory or actually learned, known and understood from something you actually experienced and practiced. (IOW, You can talk at length about Brazil without ever visiting there).
You should be engaged in trying to learn from this website much more than you are "teaching."
BTW, "you" as used above is not referring to anybody in particular!! Seriously. I'm just thinking about the issue trying to be helpful.
i try to think about not where i'm at right now, but how far i have come. there was a time less than a year ago when my best friend and girlfriend both sat me down and told me i was basically horribly self absorbed (beyond what is considered normal, that is). it basically shattered my perception of myself (i thought i was a good buddhist, lmao)... but in a good way. based upon that experience, i have been dealing with my issues of criticism and i HOPE others expose any hypocrisies or wrong views i might hold. i truly had no idea that i was such a jerk until i was told, so i don't censor myself. i say what i think and if i'm wrong, i trust others to tell me so. i think it shows respect to be honest with others when you disagree with them.
and since we're being honest here, i am horrible with meditating as well. my practice fluctuates something fierce. sometimes i am great and stable, sometimes i won't do it for weeks.. or months.. still trying to correct this one. the best i can figure is that my life is completely unstable (i sleep random hours because of working two jobs, one is 1st shift, one is nearly 3rd shift), why would i expect my practice to be? so i'm currently trying to fix that problem and hoping my practice will follow suit.
Back to the OP: Are we being deceptive online? Mostly, everyone who post in this forum don't come out as being deceptive, although they could be holding back something they would rather not share; like not telling the full story. But sometimes, when people posted about their level of meditation or experiences of insight into the real nature of things, for example, I did have a little bit of doubt about their claim. But I try to let go of such doubts because I'm not in a position to judge others. There's no reason why they can't reach such stages on the path. As for me, being a long time sufferer of anxiety and depression, my reaction to certain occasions or situations can be quite unskillful indeed, but I am continuouly making the effort to be mindfull. So, I too could be preaching one thing and practicing another thing, sometimes. I plead guilty!
I mean somewhat more subtle than that: appearing to be a much calmer, kinder and 'together' person than we really are, by for instance, only posting when we're in a good mood. So with me, usually posting when I'm in a good mood, I might give the impression that I'm always cheerful and full of compassion when in real life (for example) I might be a moany ratbag! (although I hope I'm not).
I tend not to tell people to do stuff I don't do, my concern is more about how we appear rather than what we say.
i don't really think this is a bad thing though. it's just the way it goes...
To clear things up from me though, here is why I'm a rubbish Buddhist in many ways:
- I hardly meditate
- I swear too much
- I have a dirty mind
- I struggle to be compassionate with my family.....I have disowned them even though I know this causes suffering
- I flirt with a girl in my Sangha as I think she's buff and really sweet, even though I have a girlfriend who I love
Tell you what, when I can improve on your performance - I'll let you know.
Chances are when someone gets miffed that's good hint that they are deceiving themselves.
Just something I made up. Ouch my brain hurts
Sorry, I can be cryptic, it seems!
http://icantcomeupwithawittyblogtitle.blogspot.com/2010/11/how-to-practice-buddhism-without-being.html
I think the sentiment of this post is spot on.
?!?
Beta, you scare me. If you put on one persona when you're online, but are a different person offline, that sort of scares me. Why not relax and be yourself consistently, everywhere? It's a lot easier. One thing I've noticed about the dominant society in the US is that a lot of people aren't very genuine. They seem to hide behind a facade. Sometimes they're hiding from themselves, even; from their own demons, so it's hard to get to know people very deeply. I wouldn't say that about most people here, though. I don't think the OP's concern applies to most (if any) people here.
Such behaviour could be seen and hypocritical. However, it has also been suggested that the fact we may behave better online than in real life is a good thing. It shows that we are using the slower medium of typing to really think about what we are saying.
As for people faking it, there probably isn't anyone on here doing that to any extreme; but then again, if they were good at it, we wouldn't know they were faking, would we?
This all started because I was wondering about my own motives, incidentally, not as an accusation to the forum.
Since you bring it up, full disclosure: I don't meditate regularly, and I've never said anything about meditation. I think I'm pretty much WYSIWYG. If someone's post confuses me, I say so. If someone's post annoys me, you'll notice. (Rude posts bug me.)
I take everyone here at face value; it wouldn't occur to me to imagine there are secret pretenses going on. I can't relate to the mindset that would even suspect that, let alone do it.
You seem like a sincere guy; that's good enough for me.
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Beta -- Good for you and welcome to the club.
Patience, courage and doubt are something we all use as best we may in practice. But it is the practice that tells the tale -- day after day, week after week, year after year. Practice -- and perhaps especially meditation practice -- nourishes experience and experience trumps any spiritual persuasion, however persuasive it may be.
Are we truthful? Sure -- repeat that. Are we hypocrites? Sure -- correct that. Buddhism is not a threat-based occupation: You won't go to heaven if you get it right and you won't go to hell if you get it wrong. It is simply a practice that accords with the facts of life ... not simply what is written in a book.
When there is failure, we practice. When there is success, we practice. In this way, we grow strong and assured.
Take your time. You're doing fine.
The narrative voice used in writing is much different than the spoken one. Like the famous Internet meme "On the Internet, nobody knows you are a dog", people tend to be far more contentious online than they are in person. They also often put on airs of greater learning than they possess. I don't think it matters though. I screen out a certain amount of this stuff when I am reading the same way I screen out the superlatives in a resume or the self-promotion of someone I am interviewing for a job.
If a conversation doesn't devolve into mere demagoguery, there is something delightfully democratic about the written medium that allows the ideas themselves to be front and center. The personalities behind them aren't so important, except in the way that the link I posted earlier on so eloquently sums: people take themselves way too goddamn seriously. Dharma practitioners are definitely worse in this respect than most ordinary people. Such a strange paradox.
Well, okay, that's not entirely true. The right one is a tiny bit bigger than the left one.