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True love, Sex, and Women
Hello all, I'm glad to be a new member here.
I have decided to post my question in search of some advice, which I would certainly appreciate a lot.
I have studied buddhism for more than a decade now, I'm only 21 years old, however I was lucky enough to enjoy the Kalachakra Initiation when I was just 11 years old. As a young person, I have felt the need in the past to satisfy my sexual third and that's why I have both practiced masturbation and gone hunting for girls to clubs and such. What I have realized however, is that satisfying myself in such ways doesnt actually stop the thirst, but rises it instead. As an example, a couple of years ago I went through a period of 4 months without practicing any kind of sexual activity, in that period I felt a very deep and intense inner calm which I completely spoiled one day because I had the brilliant idea of jerking off. As a result of that idea, the inner peace disappeared in a question of hours, and the sexual appetite returned with more strength than ever, even causing me an acne inflamation (I usually don't suffer from that) This all happened in 2009.
During the rest of 2009 and half of 2010 I felt into the Circle of Sex in which most of humanity is enslaved, something that in my concept is not so different to being a drug addict.
Back to August of last year (2010) somehow I managed to start controlling the sexual thirst, in a question of days I stopped practicing sexual activities. Now 5 months have passed and I don't feel any desire for meaningless sex, I don't feel like returning to that circle of enslavement.
In these months that I have experienced a clean mind, I have been able to concentrate myself more into the arts and also in my spiritual path, although sometimes I do feel the need of finding someone in the outside world. Currently I'm living in Europe (have been living here for 4 months as a student) and for me it is a bit depressing to see that almost everyone is just searching for having sex, just as in my country. It is, if like suddenly the word love had disappeared from humanity and had become slaves to their instincts. Sometimes I go with friends to clubs and other places in the hope of finding someone special, the only thing that I have found so far is that men treat women only as sexual objects, and that women like to be treated in that way. I would go as far as to say, that the modern consumist society is based on that, just look at the modern pop music, the advertisements full of subliminal messages, almost everything is about having sex just to satisfy a thirst.
My question is: Am I looking for a love that doesn't exist anymore? Should I concentrate on following my spiritual path instead? or what would be the best thing to do?
Thanks in advance for your advice
I have decided to post my question in search of some advice, which I would certainly appreciate a lot.
I have studied buddhism for more than a decade now, I'm only 21 years old, however I was lucky enough to enjoy the Kalachakra Initiation when I was just 11 years old. As a young person, I have felt the need in the past to satisfy my sexual third and that's why I have both practiced masturbation and gone hunting for girls to clubs and such. What I have realized however, is that satisfying myself in such ways doesnt actually stop the thirst, but rises it instead. As an example, a couple of years ago I went through a period of 4 months without practicing any kind of sexual activity, in that period I felt a very deep and intense inner calm which I completely spoiled one day because I had the brilliant idea of jerking off. As a result of that idea, the inner peace disappeared in a question of hours, and the sexual appetite returned with more strength than ever, even causing me an acne inflamation (I usually don't suffer from that) This all happened in 2009.
During the rest of 2009 and half of 2010 I felt into the Circle of Sex in which most of humanity is enslaved, something that in my concept is not so different to being a drug addict.
Back to August of last year (2010) somehow I managed to start controlling the sexual thirst, in a question of days I stopped practicing sexual activities. Now 5 months have passed and I don't feel any desire for meaningless sex, I don't feel like returning to that circle of enslavement.
In these months that I have experienced a clean mind, I have been able to concentrate myself more into the arts and also in my spiritual path, although sometimes I do feel the need of finding someone in the outside world. Currently I'm living in Europe (have been living here for 4 months as a student) and for me it is a bit depressing to see that almost everyone is just searching for having sex, just as in my country. It is, if like suddenly the word love had disappeared from humanity and had become slaves to their instincts. Sometimes I go with friends to clubs and other places in the hope of finding someone special, the only thing that I have found so far is that men treat women only as sexual objects, and that women like to be treated in that way. I would go as far as to say, that the modern consumist society is based on that, just look at the modern pop music, the advertisements full of subliminal messages, almost everything is about having sex just to satisfy a thirst.
My question is: Am I looking for a love that doesn't exist anymore? Should I concentrate on following my spiritual path instead? or what would be the best thing to do?
Thanks in advance for your advice
0
Comments
I think concentrating on your spiritual path is something you should always do. If you search for love the way you search for your own spirituality chances are you will end up suffering if it doesn't come. The other risk is that we often sugar coat relationships when we really want it to work out. Later the things we overlooked at first might really bother us when the love sickness wears off.
I've found the best way to find love is to not search for it but, to just keep your eyes open. When you meet a girl talk to her and become her friend. If you get along then it may lead to a path of love and a relationship.
Now if the kind of love you want "exists" out there (which...well it's not really an object so you can't really LOOK for it), maybe it would be better to ask yourself, what can you change in yourself or in your activities in order to find out?
Clubs will never be a good place to find such a love. Trust me. It's like...even if there are like-minded people at that club at the time you yourself are there....it's not gonna happen. The mind frame in which you and other like minded people are when you are inside, is quite different than the one you'd have outside. You already know why most people go to clubs. It's just not the right environment to find out about love.
What you might want or need is to find more like-minded people. Irrespective of finding the love of your life or not. What you might need right now is a little validation that you are not totally crazy. I've been there. And when you begin to dig a little bit deeper, you'll find that even the people inside those clubs that are engaging each other in a way you don't really want for yourself....might actually want what you do too. The club is just a symbol of the social conditioning. It's as if sometimes people know what they want, but they just let themselves be clouded and carried away by everything that goes on around them...and assume it's the norm, so there is no alternative. That's why clubs are not really the way to go. If you see the club as a way to interact with other people, you'll quickly realize it's just not the best way to find some of the things you want to find out about people. Don't get me wrong, I go to clubs too, sometimes. But it's about expectations. It's a fucking club!
What do you like to do? Outside of clubbing. What really resonates with you? Go after the experiences you most enjoy, not because society expects you to enjoy them, but just because you actually do give a fuck about them. Maybe it's going to a book club. Maybe it's going to the park. Maybe it's surfing. Extreme sports. Philosophy. Whatever. Now go and do things FOR YOURSELF, and enjoy YOURSELF doing the things YOU truly like to do. There will be people that will search such experiences too. The trick is to not give in to expectations. Don't go to a philosophy club (let's imagine it's what you really like doing) to find the philosopher chick of your dreams. No. Go there to enjoy philosophy. Make philosopher friends. And if you happen to stumble upon a girl that you really like in one of your activities, then great
I'm trying not to assume anything about yourself. But basically....just do your thing. Don't try to find girls. Try to find what you really like...and an interesting girl is way more likely to stumble upon you
My earlier post was more like an analysis of what I have found so far when I go clubbing, or for example, when I talk with many girls from my university. It's almost as if the way of thinking nowadays was that immediate pleasure is what matters the most no matter the consequences.
Could you tell me what mantra could be good to calm such an anxiety that appers once in a while? I usually practice Green Tara as a way to find some inner peace and mind cleansing.
i'm 21 as well, i used to think i had some sort of sex addiction because i masturbated a lot.. but really it's in our genetic makeup. i accepted this part of me and let go of it.
now i have a good girlfriend, we have sex when we can, i don't really masturbate anymore. and i can see how sex itself is just an experience and there's nothing wrong with it. the problem was with me and how i clung to it like an idiot, what helps with the clinging is seeing that holding onto your likes and dislikes will harm rather than help you in the long run.
funny part is also that when you stop searching because you're satisfied with or without sex (since it's just another experience) a natural confidence arises which attracts more women.. lol and you get more sex.
First, I'd like to say there are lots of women looking for love, or at least someone to take them seriously, not just sex. In my first year at university, nearly all the women in my dormitory stopped dating, because they said all the guys wanted was sex. I read about a psychologist who interviewed a lot of university women in the 1990's and was shocked and disturbed to find that many of them were becoming alcoholics because, the women said, the guys weren't interested in them as people, so they were depressed and angry. No one ever talked to them about their studies, their ideas, their outlook on life, whatever. All the guys wanted was sex. I also noticed on another thread here, that young guys were saying they can't find women who aren't into drinking and partying, (to show the other side of the coin). That tells me they're looking in the wrong places. If you're not interested in women who are into partying, drinking, superficial sex, don't go to parties, and don't go to clubs. Pretty simple.
I don't want to give the impression that I believe that university guys, or a certain demographic, just wants women for sex. My observation is that the "nice guys", the guys women want to meet are too shy to talk to women. The more arrogant guys talk to women, but only to the "trophy-wife" type women, the exceptionally beautiful ones. Please feel free to disagree and enlighten me, but this is what I've observed and what many other women have said. I've read different explanations for the apparent shyness or reticence. One is that guys are sensitive about sexual harrassment issues. I don't buy this, because the shyness thing has been true since way before the term "sexual harrassment" was coined and became a big deal in the 1980's. Another theory is that internet dating is so common now, that people are losing their social skills, and aren't comfortable talking to live strangers. What do you guys think?
I come from the San Francisco Bay Area, where the culture is very friendly (or used to be--I haven't been there in a long time). It's common for people to chat with strangers on the street, while lining up for the cashier, everywhere. It's just part of a culture of neighborliness. I've discovered that that is unusual, not at all common in the rest of the US. But chatting casually and comfortably with people, young and old, male and female, really helps if you want to meet the opposite sex. Women expect guys to be friendly and outgoing, and don't understand why they're not. (I've polled women in 3 states over 12 years.) If you want to meet women, talk to them. It doesn't have to be a big deal. Sooner or later you might hit it off with one. Even if you don't, you will have enjoyed some good conversations while waiting to pay for your groceries, or while waiting at the bus stop.
I, too, agree with Wuji and Epicurus. Join hobby clubs, go to lectures and concerts, follow your interests, and be patient. Somewhere I read a statistic that you have to meet 100 people to find one or two that you feel comfortable with, that you have a lot in common with. True love is a rare and precious thing; it's worth waiting for.
(Does it really exist--might be a topic for a separate thread...)
Catontheroof,
I sense you are creating a bit of a dichotomy between sex and spirituality, and love and sex. So perhaps you should re-evaluate the situation.
What is your current practice?
What never ceases to amaze me how women continue to maintain the facade, including via their actions. As a man, all i can say it is liberating to wake up to the facade & learn what is truely within a woman's heart.
All the best
In my experience, when the 'brazen' woman meets her 'right man', the man will struggle to get rid of her.
More than once I have helped women caught up in porn & stuff. (Not watching it. I am referring to actresses).
These women become as obsessed & clingy as an innocent teenage girlfriend.
If one is not intimate with love, respect & friendship, how will one react when it is suddenly felt?
Generally, woman by nature is genetically programmed to know love (imo).
use maitri instead of love... because love is sex, sex is money, and money is god (in this era).
if you are going to search for a partner, search someone that understands maitri (even if not buddhist).
remember that the second chakra (the one related mostly to sex)'s storage and movement of prana (unconverted energy) can be redirected to anything creative, be it art, music, literature...
The benefit is that there's a lot more people from the same age there. I talk to people a lot outside clubs when the situation arises, but usually it's old people because they don't have their iPod in or are more open to kindness than people between 20 and 30. That doesn't mean people between 20 and 30 don't want kindness, they just lock out the outside world a lot more.
Anyway, back on-topic. I've had a "friend with benefits" for a while for who I had feelings, I didn't do anything with these feelings because I didn't wanna lose what I had. At a point she said she's falling for another guy so wanted to put the friends with benefits thing on hold. When she said that I panicked and told her I had feelings for her, didn't go well of course. Eventhough she was very understanding, her love was for that other guy.
Now, that other guy already had a girlfriend but told my friend that their relation wasn't a real relation and would end soon. So they started having sex, the guy kept promising to break off with his girlfriend and she just became someone to have sex with. When I told her that he's just using her she didn't want to believe it and I got mad at her for this (very unskillful, since I got mad because I had a feeling "why that guy who doesn't even love you and not me?").
The truth is she did have sex because she was in love with him, but it was her mistake to make and I shouldn't have judged her for that. Especially since my judgment was blurred by my attachment to my ego (why not me) and to her.
Anyway, all this anekdote just to say that most women who are promiscuous are also just looking for love.
Solid relationships are built upon solid foundations. Not instant gratification and empty promises.
I personally don't see anything wrong with a FWB relationship. As a practitioner, I would think this is actually preferable to the drama of a notion of true love that owes more to medieval ideas of courtly love than reality. Committed relationships to me only become important when kids are involved.
and asexuals don't exist... and bisexuals are "sexy" (just because of their preference).
I think FWB is fine, if both parties bring to the relationship the same expectations (it is pretty Buddhistic, if you think about it: non-attachment), but as we saw in supertramp's example, it doesn't always work that way. Attachment can happen, things can get samsaric.
Anyway, Cat, you're not looking for something that doesn't exist anymore. You're just looking in the wrong places, maybe you're judging women by their appearance (cast a wider net), and it takes time to find "someone special". Give it time.
It is not so easy to determine which sexual roles and attitudes towards love are innate and which are learned.
Nobody is talking about what you do with your mudita, or with whom you do it with.
I just thought I'd toss that out for discussion. It's not just about love (in fact, sometimes it isn't about love), it's about spirituality.
of course, some people know better than to follow 'isms! ッ
"the Dharma will free you from Dukkha"
I am not concerned with the values of WESTERN CULTURE. I personally do not have a double standard. I am not concerned with the things you find "not so easy".
However, you appear to be keen on the standards of WESTERN CULTURE because they represent the "male", which for the Buddha means "ignorance".
Men often vigorously debate or suppport the DEMOCRATIC or EQUAL values you appear to be asserting because it supports their self-fulfilling sexual views.
Women often support these views because they are still "searching" or shopping for a man.
In Buddhism, whether man or woman has heedless sex, it is still considered dangerous & harmful.
But you seem to be asserting if MEN can act in a heedless, dangerous & harmful manner then WOMEN should be able to also.
Following philosophical logic, your view may not be "contradictory" but it certainly contradicts the Buddha-Dhamma. The Buddha taught any intention based in pure lust is unskilful.
Women in most species are genetically programmed to know how to care for their offspring. A woman is biologically designed for a committed sexual outcome.
In my experience, women strongly value love, affection & commitment. I have not experienced anything in my life to alter such a view.
I am from a beach culture. Now, I am on holidays, with my parents, at the surf beach. Surf culture is certainly a "free" culture regarding sex. But the beach is the same as it always was, with the youngest most beautiful girls attracted to the surfers. I go to the beach every morning & afternoon and it is the same as it has always been, with young beautiful sexed up girls sitting on the beach anxiously longing for their boyfriends to come in from the surf.
These anxious beautiful girls are not immuned from dukkha. They are not Amazonian sex machines, like portrayed in a porno magazine. They are tender hearts that are easily broken.
That is my experience.
All the best
"Women embody emptiness, men awareness." Sure. The world is full of female arahants and male samadhi freaks.
This yoga sounds like a woman lying on her back renounced like a stoned prostitute and a boy with eyes wide open eagerly lusting to get on board.
Buddha said women embody craving & men embody ignorance.
I cannot disagree that women embody wisdom. But, imo, their wisdom is not that of emptiness. Women embody moral or mundane wisdom.
One can talk to a young uncorrupted teenage girl and she can lecture you on the ethical solutions for the universe. In fact, she can be younger than a teenager. One often can witness young girls, four, five, six years old, lecturing their fathers and brothers on how to behave.
One can counsel a prostitute or porn actress and they already possess the answers to their questions & problems. They simply need the support to help themselves actualise their goals & break the cycle of exploitation.
As least Padmasambhava agreed with me that women may have more trouble breaking away from attachment to children. This demonstrates a woman's love is designed for committment.
(However, one can disagree with Padmasambhava where a man is mature in filial or paternal love. When a man loves his children, his attachment can be very strong. But this thread is not about fathers & mothers).
In short, this male/female Tibtetan theory is merely that. Just theory. (But excellent for enticing naive women into the clutches of horny, randy, kinky lamas).
All the best
My opinion is sex does not contain any higher spiritual energy. How can it when the actualised spiritual mind is luminous & stainless clear light?
My opinion is it is best to take considerable care with our use of language.
The "spiritual" aspect a woman brings to sex is intimacy & moral wisdom. This is a moral aspect rather than pure spirituality.
When neglected, the woman brings vulnerability & need. When supported, the woman brings inherent power & leadership.
The ritual tantric act is for a man to submit & surrender to the moral wisdom & leadership of the woman. The trantric result is for the man to learn intimacy & gentleness, to soften. The utlimate goal is for the man to embody compassion.
The woman gives of her warmth & softness. The man takes this warmth & softness to transform into compassion. For understanding the needs & mysteries of a woman, the man has his eyes 'opened'. In return for having his eyes opened, the man must return safety & security because he has created a vulnerability in the woman (which she did not previously have).
Be very very careful here with false teachings.
False tantra is men thinking they can derive some special spiritual energy from the sexual act. This is the realm of gurus exploiting women. Recently, a famous Thai monk was defrocked due to having female followers procure him young virgin girls. He believed he could derive special energy from them. This is mere lust. Mere superstition.
True tantra is male submission, so the woman becomes the leader.
In the suttas, the Buddha said:
1. A husband serves his wife. This being served, a wife returns her love.
2. There are five peculiarities to a woman. She misses her family, she menstruates causing vaciliating moods, she carries child, she gives birth (which is dangerous) and she enjoys serving her family. A man should be sensitive to this and develop care & gratitude.
5. A woman's aim is a man; her mainstay is having children; her wish is to not have a co-wife; and her ideal is control or domination.
True tantra accords with the teachings of the Lord Buddha. It exists for men to learn submission, unselfishness, care, gentleness, selflessness & compassion.
All the best
DD
I recall some guy suggesting it to me once - needless to say I was unimpressed with the idea !
:crazy:
Actually, as someone that's only learning about Buddhism at the moment, I wonder how female Buddhists view DD's posts? I find his posts on this matter to come over as unneccesarily protective towards women while it is not his place to protect them, that these women should find their own way in life without somebody to tell them what is good and dangerous and what isn't.
The same applies to men aswell obviously.
:om:
They are my personal principles plus Buddhist principles, which are to protect oneself & equally protect others.
As a 'man', my views primarly protect myself. Plus they protect others. I have that right. I liberate myself from another's actions that may inflict upon them self-harm.
Plus they accord with the stream to Nibbana.
For example, with such views, the mind concentrates easily. The mind is free of the hindrances of sensual desire & remorse.
I acknowledge you are new. I thank you for your feedback. I apologise for any over-bearingness.
Kind regards
:om:
I could compare it to me when I was a virgin, I found a one night stand as "taking advantage" of women. But later on I realised this was a very sexist and egoistic viewpoint of me. As if these women needed MY protection. As if they were all beneath me because of their lifestyle and I could save them if I wanted to. Very silly ofcourse.
I'm having troubles taking over these views because it would mean returning (or atleast coming closer) to my original, selfish and unskilful point of view regarding women. While I find that I've matured a lot on my look on women.
On a side note, I must say that I find most of DD's other posts very good aswell, even this post with which I'm having trouble accepting are structured very well and I can accept his opinion on this without any problem. It's more implementing this view in my life that's my problem. DD, you have nothing to apologise for. I guess the hardest part for me to become mindful will be sexuality and love, I had not anticipated this. Your posts just bring attention to this and I appreciate it. I just hope I'm not annoying you by adressing it as it's my intention to understand your viewpoint completely.
She asked me how I got into Buddhism and I told her when I ended certain relationships over 20 years ago (that she knew of back then), I came to realise: (1) the inherent expectations of committment of those women; and (2) their tremendous suffering when I ended those relationships. I said I committed my life to non-harming & formed the view to not enter into relationship unless I was committed. Then 18 months later, I lucked into Buddhism & meditation as a tourist.
My explanation did not sit so comfortably with her, despite her past & current struggles. She was visibly uncomfortable with my explanation.
I could only be honest with her. For me, mindfulness does not extend to being hyper-sensitive.
Her life has enough troubles in that area. If she was uncomfortable, that will quickly pass. Alternatively, it can be food for her thought.
Thank you again
Hi Supertramp,
In my experience as a secondary school teacher, and as a complimentary therapist, and socially as a woman, I have found that the majority of girls and women openly or secretly long to settle down with a male partner and children.
There are exceptions to that however, because personally I have never had an urge to have children of my own, although I have had a husband. Now I choose to be alone.
Kind wishes,
D.
Sorry if I am getting a little "self-indulgent". What did Buddha say in the Khajjaniya Sutta about recollecting past lives?
When I visit the big city (like now) at X-mas to see my parents, often my girlfriend from a past life (mentioned above) visits as well to see her family. She comes with her husband & children.
Generally, I receive a phone call and kind of must head off to meet all of the old friends & acquaintences.
One of her friends is married to a serious Catholic. Plus he is an old acquaintance of mine and we understand eachother well.
It took my old girlfriend many years to come to terms with our separation.
But when she and her old girlfriends meet at Xmas, they giggle away like teenage girls, talking about old times, old experiences with boys, etc.
Me and my Catholic friend sit there and just shake our heads.
Like inwardly, my old girlfriend always blames me for her suffering.
If I ever said to her: "We were just two ignorant teenagers acting naively", she would violently abuse me. In her mind, I am the sole transgressor.
For her, her inner belief is I had an obligation to be committed to her. But outwardly, she does not express views about sex that conform with religious views.
Usual situation, as I see it.
Of course, I am not for a moment inferring only women have such contradictions.
Kind regards
You certainly gave me something to think about, sex outside relationships can be harmless (in my opinion) but the moment a relationship is involved in one way or another this isn't true anymore. How is that? Do people in a relationship claim property on the act of having sex? MY partner can't have sex with anybody but ME! It sounds like that's filled with attachment and selfishness, but on the other side it's only normal. Or is it because the person can never know if there was love involved or not and they don't want to lose that person to the other? If so then it's attachment to that other person.
Hmm.. too many thoughts.
However, I still feel that when neither of the two people having sex have a relationship and they make it clear that it's just sex (admit it, it's just fun to do aswell) without attachment is pretty harmless and telling people "don't do it, you'll get hurt!" seems like needlessly wanting to protect/save somebody that isn't in danger/distress. I hope I'm not getting too personal here (I probably am and shouldn't post this but I'm too curious), but since you now choose to be alone. If somebody comes along that you know is alone aswell and chooses to be alone, and isn't repulsive. There's no way you would have sex with him? Eventhough you know there would be no harm in it? Or do you think there would be harm in it anyway?
Most of the unattached girls and women I know of will tell men 'No strings attached, sex just for fun' when actually deep down they're looking for a meaningful relationship. It's usually more often the men who want sex just for the sake of temporarily satisfying their lust.
"I hope I'm not getting too personal here (I probably am and shouldn't post this but I'm too curious), but since you now choose to be alone. If somebody comes along that you know is alone aswell and chooses to be alone, and isn't repulsive. There's no way you would have sex with him? Eventhough you know there would be no harm in it? Or do you think there would be harm in it anyway?"
I chose to be celibate in order to properly focus on my Dhamma practice. Why would I want to have sex with some guy just because he was alone and not repulsive? I'm not a female animal which has to mate with any male of the species which appears in the vicinity.
:crazy:
Having sex with someone who also wants to have sex does not transgress of go against any precept.
There is no harm being done. The general consensus of opinion is that the Third Precept concerns having sex in a way that would undermine the safety, well-being, and voluntary will of the person or people taking part (including one's self). person.
If it feels good, do it.
When in doubt - don't.
DAZZLE(a) "Why would I want to have sex with some guy just because he was alone and not repulsive?
(b) I'm not a female animal which has to mate with any male of the species which appears in the vicinity."
(a) Why not?
There's no law or harm in it - if that's what you both decide you really want.
(b) You are a female animal, and even so, females who mate with various males are still pretty selective. They don't mate with just 'any old male which appears in the vicinity'. They're very selective about certain matters.
(Edited to clarify )
I don't think these friends would say this to me (with who they don't want a meaningful relationship and most of them not a friends with benefits thing either) if it wasn't true. There's just no point in lying about it, especially since most of them now do have a meaningful relationship and aren't engaged in such things. Why would you jog? Why would you squash? Why would you watch a movie?
a) There's no law or harm in it - if that's what you both decide you really want."
Erm..I already said I'd chosen to be celibate, Federica, which means sex isn't what I want.
b) as above ie not wanting to mate with a male at all !
The "you" was generic, not specific.
"Why would you jog? Why would you squash? Why would you watch a movie?"
Uh? Whats that got to do with being celibate ?
.
Eitherway, I understand your reason (celibacy) and respect it. I'm sorry if I came over disrespectful towards it. I guess I mentioned those things to "defend" my belief of sex not necessarily doing any harm, while I didn't need to defend them at all.
I think I was a little offended by you saying people who have casual sex are animals who mate with anybody who appears in the vicinity, eventhough you didn't mean it as offensive. You probably only reacted to me because you found my post on the matter disrespectful.
I didn't say people who had casual sex were animals. I said I wasn't like an animal mating - which wasn't intended to imply that other people were!! Nor did I state that casual sex was necessarily harmful. Please don't read too much into my words. I was simply trying to answer the questions you asked me.
Like the third precept says, it's up to us to do it responsibly and with the good health and wellbeing of all participants in mind, even if that means it's not done at all.
And put it this way - at least that's one less precept Dazzle doesn't have to worry about! :clap: