Can Someone Give Me A Quote About This....

laurajean

I've been very ill for the last few months, and have also had some financial hardship and other stress going on in my life. While I try to remain positive, the fact is that these things will stress me out or upset me at times. I have a non-Buddhist friend who reads a lot of "power of positive thinking" type stuff, and he's become a bit obsessed with it. If we are talking and I so much as mention that times are hard or that I am feeling ill, he gets into a big lecture about how I'm only bringing it on myself by thinking negatively, etc. While I understand his point, I think he takes it too far and acts very judgmental toward me if I am simply having a bad day.

I know I've read some things in Buddhism, particularly about mindfulness and being "present in the moment", whatever that moment is. I'm sure I've read something about being aware of whatever is happening, good or bad, acknowledging it, then moving on, etc. Can anyone give me an actual Buddhist quote or reference about this so that I can share it with him? I am trying to help him understand that it's okay to feel bad sometimes, that it happens, and we deal with it and move on. Anyone have any Buddhist links or writing on the topic that I can share with him?

rainbowwarrior

hi there - interesting post - and I'm sure you find it frustrating having to deal with this person.

why do you feel that you have to quote something from the teachings to share with him?

MellowViper

Your fiends sound kind of dumb in regard to the positive thinking bs. This reminds me of something in a book I read recently called "Sit Down and Shut Up" by Brad Warner, a punk rocker/Zen monk. He said when he was living in Akron, he was room mates with some weird chick who wanted towrite some book called "Butterfly" (for transformation), and she was all obsessed about positivity. One day, he came back to the apartment, though, and noticed the wood on the side of the door was all cracked, and he asked her about it. She said she snapped and kicked the door in because of all the rage she had built up inside, mostly from trying to force herself to be happy. I don't know a specific quote, but I'm sure there's something out there in Buddhist literature relating to it. You really just have to accept human nature as it is and be honest with yourself about your emotions. You want to control them by acknowledging they're there and trust in the subtleties of your subconscious. There's limits to how far human potential can go.

Tosh

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"Although there is suffering in life, a Buddhist should not be gloomy over it, should not be angry or impatient at it.

One of the principal evils in life, according to Buddhism is 'repugnance' or hatred. Repugnance is explained as 'ill-will with regards to living beings, with regards to suffering and with regard to things pertaining to suffering. Its function is to produce a basis for unhappy states and bad conduct'.

Thus it is wrong to be impatient at suffering. Being impatient or angry at suffering does not remove it.

On the contrary, it adds a little more to one's troubles, and aggravates and exacerbates a situation already disagreeable.

What is necessary is not anger or impatience, but the understanding of the question of suffering, how it comes about, and how to get rid of it, and then to work accordingly with patience, intelligence, determination and energy."
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I can't remember which of my books the quote came from; but I liked it and pinned it to my notice board. I hope this helps!?

To understand how suffering comes about, and how to get rid of it is found in the Four Noble Truths.

Jeffrey

http://www.shambhala.org/teachers/vctr/lionsroar.html

being

Your friends ways do not sound very mindful. Maybe you could explain him, that if he really wants to help you, he could try listening, instead of judging. True compassion is mostly humble listening, not judgmental lecturing. :P
As stated before, it's ok to feel bad as much as it's ok to feel good. Suppressing emotions is not going to help one as accepting would.
Of course there are traps to get stuck in, if one is not very aware of what's happening.
For example when something 'bad' happens, we can fall into this cycle of negative thinking, when we are not very mindful etc.
Accept each moment as it is. ^_^

genkaku

What a pain in the ass virtuous people can be at times ... talking AT you instead of talking WITH you ... so full of their own stuff that there is no room for your own.

Not exactly the same as being physically ill, but here is a little story about being on a downer:

I was at a sesshin (zen retreat) one day and I was pissed. Not just irked or cranky, but pissed. Don't ask me what I was pissed about. I don't remember. I imagine you have known those times as well.

Anyway, I had to go to dokusan (private interview) with Soen Nakagawa Roshi, a man I knew by reputation (a heavy-hitter, so to speak) but not by contact. I entered the dokusan room with a full head of pissed-off steam. Did the bows, settled myself on the cushion in front of him and stated my practice.

"How are you?" he asked mildly.
"Shitty!" I replied.
"Every day is a good day," he said, mimicking the words of the great Zen teacher Ummon.
And that pissed me off still further. I wasn't interested in fortune cookie nostrums.
So I snapped back, "Every day is a good day and some days are shitty days!"
And Soen started to laugh. I mean, really laugh as if I had told him the best dirty joke ever. It went on and on.

When he finally stopped, he looked me straight in the eye and said, "You are exactly right. Every day is a good day, some days are shitty days AND every day is a good day."

And for some reason, I felt as if someone had grabbed my by the short hairs. I was stopped dead in my pissed-off tracks. And the only thing I could do was ... laugh!

zenff

When he finally stopped, he looked me straight in the eye and said, "You are exactly right. Every day is a good day, some days are shitty days AND every day is a good day."

And for some reason, I felt as if someone had grabbed my by the short hairs. I was stopped dead in my pissed-off tracks. And the only thing I could do was ... laugh!

Bump

I mean: that's a good story!

Floating_Abu

I've been very ill for the last few months, and have also had some financial hardship and other stress going on in my life. While I try to remain positive, the fact is that these things will stress me out or upset me at times. I have a non-Buddhist friend who reads a lot of "power of positive thinking" type stuff, and he's become a bit obsessed with it. If we are talking and I so much as mention that times are hard or that I am feeling ill, he gets into a big lecture about how I'm only bringing it on myself by thinking negatively, etc. While I understand his point, I think he takes it too far and acts very judgmental toward me if I am simply having a bad day.

I know I've read some things in Buddhism, particularly about mindfulness and being "present in the moment", whatever that moment is. I'm sure I've read something about being aware of whatever is happening, good or bad, acknowledging it, then moving on, etc. Can anyone give me an actual Buddhist quote or reference about this so that I can share it with him? I am trying to help him understand that it's okay to feel bad sometimes, that it happens, and we deal with it and move on. Anyone have any Buddhist links or writing on the topic that I can share with him?

I'm sorry you are ill, laurajean. Pema Chodron can be a good source of quotes for this sort of thing. I believe, in Buddhism, one aspect is being open to what is. Instead of papering over one thing or another, onwe uses meditation and other practices instead to gain insight into what is. For example, one can learns to relax in, and receive 'what is'. To cry openly. To sorrow honestly. To anger even. The sitting base can be a good training for all this. And through a very honest process of meditation and sitting, one can flower in ways unimaginable. Through this there is a natural and a graceful healing that is possible It is not always easy to face our sorrows and our suffering. I think everyone feels suffering to a degree so it is also a very natural and human part of our lives, as long as we are not wallowing forever there perhaps. Sometimes external methods are also good, eg. a walk in the park, playing with small dogs, seeing the sunshine etc

Positive thinking is a slightly different methodology so it depends on what one prefers.

Pema Chodron:

There are four main qualities that are cultivated when we meditate: steadfastness, clear seeing, experiencing one’s emotional distress, and attention to the present moment. These four factors apply not only to sitting meditation, but are essential to all the bodhichitta practices and for relating with difficult situations in our daily lives.

http://www.soulfulliving.com/learning_to_stay.htm

I wish you good health and recovery.

Abu

Dakini

Your fiends sound kind of dumb in regard to the positive thinking bs.

Yeah, you need to be talking to a different friend about this, not one that will put down your worries. We don't bring on illness by thinking negatively, unless it's over a long period of time, maybe. Having lived through years of chronic illness (the US medical system doesn't deal with chronic illness much at all), I sympathize.
Tibetans say that if you can't change something, why worry about it? I don't know if that helps, you decide.

laurajean

Thanks everyone. He can be extremely judgmental and if I don't adhere to what HE thinks I should do, then he gets preachy. We exchanged a couple of emails about it, and he's not being at all receptive. I guess he wants me to lie and say "everything is fantastic!" every time he asks how I am. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with positive thinking and all that, but he's obsessed with these books and tapes he has and then walks around preaching. It's just annoying. I did quote a couple suggestions above to him, reminding him that when we practice mindfulness, that means being fully aware of whatever is happening, not just pretending things are great. He doesn't get it though. It's hard to be friends with someone who always expects you to speak rainbows and butterflies when life just isn't always easy. His life is easy though, so he doesn't get it.

[DeletedUser]

Venerable Ananda spoke to the Blessed One, saying: "Let it not be, Lord, that the Blessed One should pass away in this mean place, this uncivilized township in the midst of the jungle, a mere outpost of the province. There are great cities, Lord, such as Campa, Rajagaha, Savatthi, Saketa, Kosambi, and Benares — let the Blessed One have his final passing away in one of those. For in those cities dwell many wealthy nobles and brahmans and householders who are devotees of the Tathagata, and they will render due honor to the remains of the Tathagata."

"Do not say that, Ananda! Do not say: 'This mean place, this uncivilized township in the midst of the jungle, a mere outpost of the province.' In times long past, Ananda, there was a king by the name of Maha Sudassana, who was a universal monarch, a king of righteousness, a conqueror of the four quarters of the earth, whose realm was established in security, and who was endowed with the seven jewels.[53] And that King Maha Sudassana, Ananda, had his royal residence here at Kusinara, which was then called Kusavati, and it extended twelve yojanas from east to west, and seven from north to south.

"And mighty, Ananda, was Kusavati, the capital, prosperous and well populated, much frequented by people, and abundantly provided with food. Just as the royal residence of the deities, Alakamanda, is mighty, prosperous, and well populated, much frequented by deities and abundantly provided with food, so was the royal capital of Kusavati.

"Kusavati, Ananda, resounded unceasingly day and night with ten sounds — the trumpeting of elephants, the neighing of horses, the rattling of chariots, the beating of drums and tabours, music and song, cheers, the clapping of hands, and cries of 'Eat, drink, and be merry!' :cool: