Howdy, Stranger!

It looks like you're new here. If you want to get involved, click one of these buttons!

Sign In Register
Examples: Monday, today, last week, Mar 26, 3/26/04
Welcome home! Please contact lincoln@icrontic.com if you have any difficulty logging in or using the site. New registrations must be manually approved which may take several days. Can't log in? Try clearing your browser's cookies.

So, why are people so....

MountainsMountains Veteran
edited March 2011 in General Banter
There's another discussion board I semi-regularly visit (in no way related to Buddhism or spirituality). There are several people there who, for whatever reason (most likely because they don't agree with my politics) don't like me. I really don't *care* that they don't like me - I wouldn't know any of them if I ran over them on the street - but it perplexes me. Nothing I say is right, everything I say is wrong, and no matter what I do, I can't do anything right in their eyes.

I really feel sorry for them in a way, but in another way it irritates the living crap out of me, because it disrupts otherwise perfectly good discussions of topics of mutual interest.

Comments

  • CloudCloud Veteran
    Maybe what you say is too far away from their perspectives. I mean Buddhist perspective is rather raw, here-and-now, this is it kinda stuff.
  • TalismanTalisman Veteran
    "If you know that all the many utterances of praise and blame
    Are sound-emptiness, unborn,
    Like the sounds of guitars, echoes, and thunder in the sky
    Then all attachment and aversion to these sounds of praise and blame
    Will be completely pacified."

    -Unchanging Sky's Beautiful Melody
    by Khenpo Tsultrim Gyamtso Rinponche
  • MountainsMountains Veteran
    Good one...
  • taiyakitaiyaki Veteran
    edited March 2011
    mountains,

    trolls exist everywhere. welcome to the internet. even douche bags exist in real life.

    how we perceive these people, no matter how hard they try to live up to our notions, is our karma. We view these people as such because of some conditioning. They themselves are not what we label them, though at times they are.

    you cannot change people and how much of a pain in the ass they are. but you can change how you relate to them.

    compliment sandwiches are good too. oh nice shoes. but idk about your laces. i really like your smile.

    change how you relate. douche bags will exist infinitely. <3
  • aMattaMatt Veteran
    Depending on your level of involvement with these people, consider a plan to just think loving thoughts about them and try not to puzzle them out. Enigma's are all around, and when we are still and present, they are still as well.

    Sometimes the lesson of the thorn bush is simply to learn to keep your face out of it.
  • DakiniDakini Veteran
    edited March 2011
    Mountains, I'm glad you bring this up. i had a similar experience on one discussion board. Because I was presenting the same information and similar comments as one of the other participants, and he was listened to respectfully, but I always got flack (from everyone, but the one who posted comments similar to mine), I assumed the flack was because I was the only female participant. (Several women with experience on discussion boards have told me they ALWAYS take male or androgynous names, because of this problem.) But I see you've run into the same problem. I can't begin to guess why they're ganging up on you. This is hardly a problem of one or two "trolls", from what you say it sounds like a number of people on the board are jerks. I can only surmise that a) they don't like your politics and b) because they're anonymous on the internet, they feel free to be rude or put you down. There are a LOT of strange and creepy people on chat boards. The less time spent on them, the better, IMO.
  • JeffreyJeffrey Veteran
    in my case, what i see is when i am in a big group of people i rarely say anything unless someone asks me and then somehow i fish out something with a nervousness that i feel overjoyed for a second and almost pass out or lose my sense i am there. always i have bonded more with individuals who kind of worked with my shyness and we were able to strike a chord. in my memory certain things stick out to me the avatars are great but i am a combination of hyper, can't find it exactly, and cartoonish sort of underlying constructs. its not that i don't want to listen more, but i always longed to speak more in groups and the internet filled that void and perhaps i am hard on myself, but i know i have wrong premises so that is reflected in my words. so like taiyaki mentioned at times things seem directed at me and at times that is needful to be seen.
  • hermitwinhermitwin Veteran
    Buddha say those who speaks too much are blamed....
  • zenffzenff Veteran
    Maybe on the internet, group dynamics work the same as in real life.
    In your case –for any futile reason, like the color of your hair - you could have been pushed in this role for which I don’t know the English expression.
    It boils down to the fact that aggression can be safely directed at you, because nobody will defend or support you. On the contrary, being good at harassing you will increase the status of the perpetrator. That’s what keeps it going.
  • genkakugenkaku Northampton, Mass. U.S.A. Veteran
    So, why are people so....

    So, why are you so....
  • RogerRoger
    edited March 2011
    I really don't *care* that they don't like me
    With all due respect and kindness. I could never think/feel that way. I take that sentiment in other people at least slightly personally.

    For example:

    *If HHDL does not like me I have a Biiiiiiiig problem.
    *If Saddam doesn't like me: big problem.
    *If the guy behind the convenience store counter doesn't like me I hope it's _not_ because I was rude to him.
    *If my peers do not like me I'm going to have to take that as a clue worth investigating.

    ONLY when a person is obviously deluded presumptuous and projecting their dislike, or when a person is hallucinating and doesn't like me because he thinks I'm the devil will I not take it personally.

    Conclusion: if people don't like me it's because they do not know me, or I did something to hurt or insult them, or they are hallucinating or __projecting__ dislike onto me because of their delusions of who or what I am or what I represent.

    Just my two cents.

  • DakiniDakini Veteran
    Maybe on the internet, group dynamics work the same as in real life.
    It boils down to the fact that aggression can be safely directed at you, because nobody will defend or support you. On the contrary, being good at harassing you will increase the status of the perpetrator. That’s what keeps it going.
    Wow, zenff! This sounds so right on, but also, so frightening. This must be why we had a couple of threads on bullying earlier this year. The dynamic you describe depends on everyone involved going along, and not speaking out, not being willing to go against the tide, an all too common scenario. I would hope that compassionate, aware people would take the initiative to counter the prevailing mood.

  • RogerRoger
    edited March 2011

    Wow, zenff! This sounds so right on, but also, so frightening. This must be why we had a couple of threads on bullying earlier this year. The dynamic you describe depends on everyone involved going along, and not speaking out, not being willing to go against the tide, an all too common scenario. I would hope that compassionate, aware people would take the initiative to counter the prevailing mood.

    Yeah, too bad. There should be a "help" button for the rest of us, not just for moderators. I'd be glad to jump in and defend someone getting mistreated. Problem is I don't read every post; I generally have no idea when such less-than-enlightened behavior is going on.

    BTW, Defending the person being mistreated also means critiquing that person's possible mistakes if necessary.

  • DakiniDakini Veteran
    edited March 2011
    Yeah, too bad. There should be a "help" button for the rest of us, not just for moderators. I'd be glad to jump in and defend someone getting mistreated. Problem is I don't read every post; I generally have no idea when such less-than-enlightened behavior is going on.
    The threads on bullying weren't about this forum. They were about bulling in the world in general, and in the workplace and school in particular. There was much curiosity about why bullying happens (so much more these days than a couple of generations ago, was the view), and zenff's post here explains it crystal-clear. Though it doesn't explain why it's so much more common these days.

  • RogerRoger
    edited March 2011
    I see now. Thanks D. Got it. Of course everybody might already know, but here I go anyway: :-/ the thing about bullying by keystroke is that writing stuff is much less inhibiting than speaking to someone in real time like in real life or on the phone. Misunderstandings abound. For example my wife said via email, "Thank you Sherlock [Holmes]" to a friend who investigated and found something for us. The person was slightly insulted! My wife meant it as a compliment!
  • DakiniDakini Veteran
    the thing about bullying by keystroke is that writing stuff is much less inhibiting than speaking to someone in real time like in real life or on the phone. Misunderstandings abound.
    Yeah, I think I said that somewhere on a thread, once. The written medium a) can encourage people to be more aggressive, due to online-anonymity and b) can cause misundertandings because there're no facial expressions to read. That's why emoticons were invented, but they don't always work.
  • MountainsMountains Veteran
    edited March 2011
    Conclusion: if people don't like me it's because they do not know me, or I did something to hurt or insult them, or they are hallucinating or __projecting__ dislike onto me because of their delusions of who or what I am or what I represent.
    That may indeed be the case. Perhaps I shouldn't have said I don't care, but it's true. I don't care *that they don't like me*. That has nothing whatsoever to do with whether I care about them as a human being, which I do. Their likes and dislikes are not my concern. I wish everyone well, and an end to their suffering, but I can't fix the whole world. I just do what I can, where I can. If someone who doesn't even know me chooses to think a certain way about me based on nothing more than ephemeral internet presence, then that's their problem, not mine.
  • hermitwinhermitwin Veteran
    Buddha say those who speaks too much are blamed....
    Buddha say those who speaks too little are blamed.

    Buddha say those who remain silent are blamed.
  • ZaylZayl Veteran
    some people are just Drama queens and look for people to rail against to satisfy their desire for Drama. Believe it or not, people will actually collaborate to achieve this, your case may be like this. People talk to each other in PM about you, how to get at you, etc.

    These people are very petty and often beyond redemption.
  • compassionate_warriorcompassionate_warrior Veteran
    People talk to each other in PM about you, how to get at you, etc.
    That's sick. You know this for a fact? These are unhappy people, lost souls. :(
  • ZaylZayl Veteran
    People talk to each other in PM about you, how to get at you, etc.
    That's sick. You know this for a fact? These are unhappy people, lost souls. :(
    Yeah, believe it or not I used to be somewhat like that. Then I got into cannabis and realized how bad I was and I promptly stopped.

  • RogerRoger
    edited March 2011
    I wish everyone well, and an end to their suffering, but I can't fix the whole world. I just do what I can, where I can. If someone who doesn't even know me chooses to think a certain way about me based on nothing more than ephemeral internet presence, then that's their problem, not mine.
    I understand. Yup: some internet personalities (nobody here of course -seriously) are just mean-spirited; it's amazing. :)
Sign In or Register to comment.