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Stuck with self-centered friend as a flatmate
So, I got a new job. It's gonna be 9 month internship and it might be cool. But I'm going to have to work and live with a friend of mine for the whole time....problem is we have lots of problem communicating. What irritates me is his self-centeredness. For a friend, he doesn't really behave in a very friend way. He's very selfish and inconsiderate.
I wanna frame this positively since I'm gonna be stuck with him. Truth is, I'd hope I could start living a life with people I like...but it seems for the next 9 months it's going to be impossible. I rely heavily on a good social environment for my life though. I'm a very honest and transparent guy...and I tend to be able to drive away or disarm most people I don't quite like. But this guy is a childhood friend. I like the guy, but he just doesn't act as a friend and cares very little what my problems are (whereas I'm more than happy to help him all the time). Think of it as living with an adolescent. A fiesty, self-centered adolescent.
How can I frame this positively. Now one could say this would be a chance for me to practice tolerance and patience. Sure. But I don't to give him the satisfaction of always being me taking the mature path (which I do most of the time). He also does this annoying thing...doesn't pay attention to 80% of what you say when you are trying to be serious.
I don't feel driven enough by the actual internship to put up with disharmony for 9 months. But I don't want to feel like I'm trapped either. Do any of you have any advice?
I wanna frame this positively since I'm gonna be stuck with him. Truth is, I'd hope I could start living a life with people I like...but it seems for the next 9 months it's going to be impossible. I rely heavily on a good social environment for my life though. I'm a very honest and transparent guy...and I tend to be able to drive away or disarm most people I don't quite like. But this guy is a childhood friend. I like the guy, but he just doesn't act as a friend and cares very little what my problems are (whereas I'm more than happy to help him all the time). Think of it as living with an adolescent. A fiesty, self-centered adolescent.
How can I frame this positively. Now one could say this would be a chance for me to practice tolerance and patience. Sure. But I don't to give him the satisfaction of always being me taking the mature path (which I do most of the time). He also does this annoying thing...doesn't pay attention to 80% of what you say when you are trying to be serious.
I don't feel driven enough by the actual internship to put up with disharmony for 9 months. But I don't want to feel like I'm trapped either. Do any of you have any advice?
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Comments
good luck
In terms of Buddhist practice, you might benefit from cultivating joy.
Thus it cannot really get trapped by the disharmony. Isn't that a relief?
People have a hard time with roommates because their minds have been conditioned to think of living together as something family does, with all the emotional baggage that goes with it. I blame television, where roommates always turn out to be best friends and forge bonds of brotherhood. The reality is, after going through a couple of roommates, you'll be happy if the guy coughs up his half of the rent money on time and doesn't eat all your food.
What is the name of the nun?
''People have a hard time with roommates because their minds have been conditioned to think of living together as something family does, with all the emotional baggage that goes with it. I blame television, where roommates always turn out to be best friends and forge bonds of brotherhood. The reality is, after going through a couple of roommates, you'll be happy if the guy coughs up his half of the rent money on time and doesn't eat all your food.''
Boy ain't that the truth!
Very true!!! I wish I had :om: attitude when coping with them. :buck:
And yet, you "don't feel driven enough by the actual internship to put up with disharmony for 9 months". Are you saying you'd throw away employment in a line of work that you may enjoy, in an economy where there's massive unemployment, just because you have to put up with an annoying roommate for a few months? Hmm.....
It sounds like you're feeling resentful that your options in life are so limited (due to: the economy, you have some sort of chronic (?) illness, perhaps your education status) that you're feeling forced to enter into an unpleasant living situation. I think that the first thing would be to lose the resentment. Buddhism is about changing the way you think about a situation, if the situation is causing you "dukkha".(For example, you could focus on the blessings (job/internship compatible with your interests), and regard the living situation as a minor and temporary annoyance, or better yet--an opportunity to learn how to handle a challenging roommate). And I think the suggestion someone made, to use the living situation as an opportunity to develop coping skills, communication skills, interpersonal skills, boundary-drawing skills, is an important one. Regard it as a growth opportunity. Psych yourself to view the situation as do-able. Use your mind to overcome (perceived) adversity. And the suggestion to get out and socialize, since that's important to you, is good, so that your life doesn't revolve around the home situation.
It sounds like a plan. Make the most of the opportunity you've been given. The 9 months'll be over before you know it. Best of luck.