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What If Your Buddhist Teachings Get You Called Suckhole?
AllbuddhaBound
Veteran
There are people out there who hate compassion and kindness. They have their reasons I guess, but how do other people on here deal with that kind of response?
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If being kind and compassionate is being a "suckhole", then I guess I'd prefer to be a "suckhole".
Although, if many people said that to me, I might ask myself if I am just being a pushover.
Compassion and kindness is not by force but it should be choice if understood.
We are not going to gain positive by including in other's business so why to worry?
What, if any response, would depend on the person and the situation. Random person on the public bus? I wouldn't bother responding, no point. A sibling? Even then it would depend, maybe they said it to get under my skin, in which case not responding is better than continuing to give them what they want, or I might ask why they say that. It just depends.
Does it bother you that whoever it was said that? It might be more helpful for you and your practice to investigate why it bothers you what anyone thinks of your beliefs.
There are? :eek:
Then suck on it, and become whole!
@AllbuddhaBound
You are being a bit vague about the circumstances and I have no opinion on whether your teaching is appropriate or not but....
Try to be mindful of your surroundings and the folks who are filling them.
Utilize skillful means...In this case in may mean presenting compassion and kindness in a way that it can be heard as non threatening.
Why do** you** think these individuals are responding the way that they do?
If you are displaying compassion and kindness in ways that are bringing up the opposite responses then ask yourself what you are really doing?
And while it pays to see that any insult offered to you is simply an offered gift that is up to you to take on or to ignore....ask yourself if these are really the folks you should be hanging out with.
Who are you hanging around with????
http://www.pa56.org/ross/Buddha.htm
CHOICES
We are what we think.
All that we are arises with our thoughts.
With our thoughts we make the world.
Speak or act with an impure mind
And trouble will follow you
As the wheel follows the ox that draws the cart.
We are what we th
All that we are arises with our thoughts.
With our thoughts we make the world.
Speak or act with a pure mind
And happiness will follow you
As your shadow, unshakable.
"Look how he abused me and beat me,
How he threw me down and robbed me."
Live with such thoughts and you live in hate.
"Look how he abused me and beat me,
How he threw me down and robbed me."
Abandon such thoughts and live in love.
In this world
Hate never yet dispelled hate.
Only love dispels hate.
This is the law,
Ancient and inexhaustible.
You too shall pass away.
Knowing this, how can you quarrel?
How easily the wind overturns a frail tree
Seek happiness in the senses,
Indulge in food and sleep,
And you too will be uprooted.
The wind cannot overturn a mountain.
Temptation cannot touch the man
Who is awake, strong and humble,
Who masters himself and minds the law.
If a man's thoughts are muddy,
If he is reckless and full of deceit,
How can he wear the yellow robe?
Whoever is master of his own nature,
Bright, clear and true,
He may indeed wear the yellow robe.
Mistaking the false for the true
And the true for the false,
You overlook the heart
And fill yourself with desire.
See the false as false,
The true as true
Look into your heart.
Follow your nature.
An unreflecting mind is a poor roof.
Passion, like the rain, floods the house.
But if the roof is strong, there is shelter.
Whoever follows impure thoughts
Suffers in this world and the next.
In both worlds he suffers
And how greatly
When he sees the wrong he has done.
But whoever follows the law
Is joyful here and joyful there.
In both worlds he rejoices
And how greatly
When he sees the good he has done.
For great is the harvest in this world
And greater still in the next.
However many holy words you read,
And however many you speak,
What good will they do you
If you do not act upon them?
Are you a shepherd
Who counts another man's sheep,
Never sharing the way?
Read as few words as you like
And speak fewer
But act upon the law.
Give up the old ways -
Passion, enmity, folly.
Know the truth and find peace.
Share the way.
In suck holes anonymous but I am not supposed to name names. Waaaiiitt, is that you across from me texting?
When you are young, sometimes you may be unsure of how you should behave and how you are received. Young people can be more openly critical of one another, especially among friends. It's a good time to experiment with your personality since feedback is abundant, and you are more sensitive to it.
As you age you may find that, while you may still be unsure about whether or not you are reacting appropriately to others, or how others see you, it matters less. A more take me or leave me attitude starts to develop. Maybe we just get used to being who we are, and as long as it's working, find that others opinions, or suggestions about how we are coming across, while worth considering, don't mean so much. Good and bad traits can become entrenched.
Being kind is better appreciated as you age, because the people who you attract and who you surround yourself with will be those who are kind and appreciate kindness. The jerks will fall away.
I iz suckhole. My meditation cushion iz ass kisser. :crazy: .
Kia Ora
SuckholeAllbuddhaBound,What If Your Buddhist Teachings Get You Called Suckhole?
What would the Buddha do if in a similar situation ?
Metta Shoshin .
..
I should point out I've got no idea what "suckhole" means perhaps I'm not up with the new terms....
This is precisely what the buddha would do.
http://amarillo.com/lifestyle/features/2012-06-08/bullyproofing-children-about-social-skills-kindness
Here’s an article touching some of the issues; bullying, learning to be bully proof and the social skill of being kind.
Crucial sentence: “Children can even be taught that being kind is fun.”
Being friendly connects people in a positive way, based on appreciation; bullying – at best -connects people in a negative way - as accomplices.
The people who call you “suckhole” may be trying to avoid getting socially isolated by joining the mob (and isolating you).
You at the other hand rely on the support of people who appreciate your kindness; that’s us.
If we do the same thing and take a judgmental position on those suckholes who call you a suckhole; we complete the circle and create our own mob.
No offense, Zenff, but as someone who has been directly involved in anti-bullying programs at the middle schooI level, I find that to be a terribly shallow article. It sort of reminded me of a blurb that might be used to encourage teachers to sign up for a session in anti-bullying.
I actually think you make much better points than the article!
I think that the vicious cycle of bullying can be handled much easier in elementary school. It gets so much tougher in middle school, and may actually lessen slightly in high school (I know that last phrase might surprise people, but the highest number of suspensions and expulsions in schools is generally grades 7-9, after which it begins to level off slightly as high school students begin to develop what I call "thinking through things" skills; although we all know that it goes on even through college).
Our school finally began to come to grips with bullying with a situation that was only indirectly related to the school. A group of middle school girls (you know...the "mean girls" bunch) put up a website on the internet entitled "The Hoes Of _____ Middle School" (did I spell hoes right???). And they were real intelligent about it -- put it up on 2 different web site companies. In checking with our legal department, technically we couldn't do a thing about it...legally...because the work on the website was done outside of school, in the evenings, and not on school computers. Nevertheless, I called the web hosting companies and they agreed to take down the sites because it violated their TOS's. But that's when our work really began. First -- educating the teachers to start recognizing bullying and reporting it (a lot of intransigence there with teachers saying things like, "I'm hear the teach math, not control how students act toward each other"). Next the students, and we hired a non-profit company to come in and work with both teachers and the student body. But then, the surprise was needing to also work with parents to get them to understand that the bullying present in today's schools is often much different than what took place in earlier decades. Sorry to say, but it kinda helped when in the nation there were several suicides by students who had been severely bullied.
But there are strange ideas out there about how society de-values passivity as compared to aggression. And it seems to me that we need to narrow that divide...fewer people that are quite so "suckholeish", and fewer people who are quite so aggressive.
What if ________get you called a suckhole?
Pffffft. I've been called worse.
If the shoe doesn't fit...don't wear it. If your willing to exchange being kind and compassionate in the place of being called names...it's going to be a tough road.
Keep doin' you. Brush them off.
As my Nana used to say..."They used to talk bad about Jesus...what makes you think they won't talk bad about you...keep it movin'...you got stuff to do and lives to change" ..
...
If they're talkin' about you...they're leavin' somebody else alone ..
...
Being kind and compassionate is one (good and positive) thing. Being a doormat is something else.
True...don't be a doormat. If you decide to respond, I guess you could say.."well, that's your opinion. I don't think Im a suckhole". FWIW....no matter how you shut someone's form of talking down...you can't control their thoughts. When you get through....they still may think your a suckhole. Taking away their platform doesn't necessarily solve the problem...and if you spend your whole life looking for people's platforms and how to shut them down...that will be another long, tough road.
As long as they dont put their hands on you...dont hand over your control/power to them.
My thinking is, it takes a lot of gumption and courage to choose compassion and kindness over rudeness, anger, hate or any negative feelings.
It is sooo much easier to give in to a bad temper, to bite back in anger, to hit back in hatred, than it takes to rise above circumstances and remain poised and collected, your own master, in the face of adverse circumstances.
Compassion and kindness are hard to come by. They take a whole life to develop.
Negative feelings are a dime the dozen.
I'd probably view the person with quite a perplexed look on my face before saying, "Well, hey, you do you." My suspicion is that they're confusing kindness and compassion with weakness or being a doormat, as others have already pointed out. That's what wisdom is for.
Compassion and kindness are shown to others outwardly by our words and deeds, and as we know there is a proper time and situation for our words, as we take into account the perception and mind state of the other person.
So in essence, I'd say my answer to " how do I deal with that kind of response" is with an observation of my own actions, done and not done, and an even stronger metta and forgiveness for both myself and those around me.
It makes me feel better already reading the responses you folks have given me. So much understanding and kindness. A very rare thing indeed. This is what makes this place exceptional.
@Jayantha, I like that suggestion. It sounds well worth doing.
i tell people what the Dali lama said ( religion is for self control, not to critic others) my mom does not approve of my choice, about practicing Buddhism ...she tells people about what i do, an what others say to or about me ....gives me more strength on staying truth to my self ever more
I've learned to let those kinds of things go. Any good or bad karma in any shape and form is what you will have to take with you on your journey. The less karma the better.
You know, this thread reminded me of online discussions I've had on a certain social media website that I will say rhymes with SpaceCrook. :P
I've noticed that some of my friends and acquaintances almost seem to either push back when you don't get angry about a negative experience in your life, or they seem to almost go out of their way to justify their own anger as it pertains to their own circumstances, that anyone who wouldn't be angry is irrational. Many of them have gone through craptacular things, and their anger is well and truly understandable. What is concerning are the loud proclamations, seemingly out of nowhere, that their anger is 100% justified and to state otherwise is verboten. I've done that in the past, and now I'm having a "Wow... this is awkward!" moment.
That kind of response to what? What are you doing that's so off-putting to people? Are you proselytizing? Are you offering compassion in a pitying or condescending way? Are you perhaps coming across as holier-than-thou? Or is this just the reaction of some jerks to someone they perceive as a goody two-shoes?
There's some very hard core ego out there, OP. If that's what you're running into, don't let it get you down, and make a point of steering clear in the future.
Buddhists can sometimes be offensive ... because they're often seen showing compassion toward the wrong people. For instance, a bully and a victim ... Buddhists will say, 'the bully also deserves metta' etc. etc. That may be, but to most people that may sound offensive because their top priority is the victim. But for some reason, Buddhists go out of the way to sympathize with the bad guys ... just to show off, just to show the world that they're so full of love. This attitude - call it compassion or what you will - may offend people.
Yes, no shortage of ego, that is very true.
@betaboy, I don't think people show compassion towards bullies to show off. I think it is more for the sake of the person showing compassion. It makes a person stronger when they can have compassion, even for people who are ignorant. It helps ones self development when you can learn to be compassionate towards anyone.
At the very least, it is a challenge, especially when people think you are stupid for doing it.
So they are insisting the only correct response from you is to react the same way they did. Even though it didn't happen to you. Basically, they are demanding you validate them, that's all. It's an insecurity thing. If you don't react like they did, then maybe they are WRONG. God forbid they be wrong, and if it takes bullying or being pushy to protect their precious ego, that's what is called for.
It's another way to avoid taking responsibility for their own behavior by forcing you to be responsible in supporting it. You'll validate them . . . or else be punished.
I concur and suspect this is the case. I make myself stop, consider my words carefully despite the fact that my social filter needs some fine-tuning, and endeavor to express compassion without saying, "You're absolutely correct and I share your seething hatred." It's more along the lines of genuinely saying, "I'm sorry that happened." I feel that this is a safer route. They still get insistent, but I figure they want to feel that they are heard, which is very understandable.
@Rowan1980 : Wanting to be 'heard' versus 'demanding a certain response from you have a subtle difference. Knowing you are confronted with a simple wish versus an aggressive demand will help navigate you. Saying "I'm sorry that happened" is excellent, and you stay within your personal integrity. You ARE sorry they suffered, and, it's not your job to get worked up when you aren't
.
@Hamsaka - I will totally admit to having issues with subtlety at times! I don't always pick up on nuance very well, though I'm working on that.
I think the stopping and genuinely expressing that I was sorry came from 6 years as a volunteer at a local rape crisis center. I'll happily keep the skills I managed to pick up from there. 
I admit a lot of this discernment stuff comes from all the mistakes I've made over the years! One thing I never learned to do was listen to my gut instinct. It seems to be able to tell the difference between a simple wish and an aggressive demand, by doing that universal 'clenching' when I'm with an aggressive person pretending to not be aggressive. Still, your answer is perfect for BOTH scenarios
.