Best Of

I'm realizing there is some buried pain around this topic for me. When I was younger I had a few girlfriends but they never lasted, my takeaway was that I wasn't appealing or confident enough, or something. I stepped away and pursued a spiritual life. I'd always been the type of person happy doing things by myself, so that's what I did, and I am pretty happy.

All this stuff about being good enough, or playing the game or whatever it is to attract a partner is stressful and suffering inducing. For me positive attention only reinforces the stress and inadequacy. I recognize that a lot of this is sour grapes and venting of my own pain, I'm just trying to best express what is coming up for me. I think maybe I'll just leave it up to the women to approach me and ask me out if they have any interest, I'm not interested in the game.

@Ren_in_black said:

@person said:
There's also a seeming obsession with imagining romantic relationships, or who I'd have a shot with, etc.

I do this all the time, never with the intent to act (as I am happily married) but, apparently, to pass the time more quickly or entertain myself or something. Glad to hear I am not the only one.

For me its been really annoying and misery making. I've never had those relationship game playing skills, and after a few failed relationships found spirituality a more natural and fulfilling path and thus never had the incentive to develop them.

I guess I've been removed from the "meat market" and hadn't really dealt with my own related desires. I'm finding just this little exposure rather bothersome. This comparing mind, self judgement about how in shape or stylish I am so as to be attractive. Ugh, I hate even thinking about it.

I suppose all this means that there is work to do in this area and isolation from it only kept it dormant. I'm just venting and reflecting, don't mind me.

@person said:
There's also a seeming obsession with imagining romantic relationships, or who I'd have a shot with, etc.

I do this all the time, never with the intent to act (as I am happily married) but, apparently, to pass the time more quickly or entertain myself or something. Glad to hear I am not the only one.

Questioning whether inner work alone is enough, is good.

The only thing separating a practice into inner & outer states of work is our own habituated responses to phenomena. Is this not a dream to be awakened from?

The degree that one's practice is being limited to inner work alone, is the degree that a hardening of the ego, a solidification of one's identity, a separation between self & others, and a state of Prechecca Buddhahood, is being beckoned to.

In a Buddhist practice, it's what marks the difference between what's appropriate and inappropriate in the development of concentration in the 8 fold path.