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@person said:
I think the context she, and myself, are coming from is there was a big self esteem movement in the 80s and 90s that was well intentioned but made some missteps that had unintended consequences that people in my generation may have taken on.

I'll just link Google's summary of the pitfalls:

Narcissism Instead of Confidence: Critics argue the movement confused self-esteem with narcissism, producing a generation with inflated egos, entitlement, and low resilience.
The Problem with Praise: Research found that simply telling children they are "special" or "smart" without them earning it through effort can backfire, reducing their willingness to tackle difficult challenges.
Failed Academic Results: Despite the focus on raising self-esteem to improve grades, studies showed that this approach often resulted in grade inflation rather than actual improved performance.
Correlation vs. Causation: Early assumptions that high self-esteem causes success were found to be flawed; high self-esteem is often a result of accomplishment, not the cause.

I think most of these problems with the self esteem movement are addressed in your reframing around comparing oneself to one's past self or commitment to the process rather than other people, or perhaps society in general.

I find it hard to say which comes first, high self-esteem or high accomplishment. My time growing up in the Dutch Vrije Schools (Rudolph Steiner) stressed the uniqueness of the individual, and the search for talent in all its forms. Later time spent in the commune schools gave me freedom and let me take initiative. So you could say by the time I arrived at my later schooling I was well prepared to do well, having a positive self-image and a willingness to knuckle down and do the work.

When you’re young you don’t tend to have the long-range view that applied effort for years tends to instil, and you’re more reliant on others to help form your self-image. But even then you can focus on praising people’s virtues and good qualities rather than just telling them how “special” they are.

@marcitko said:
To my mind, self-esteem derived from comparison with others is of a lower level, is weaker, and fleeting. Not to be highly reccomended. But also not the only option.
The higher, more powerful, and more stable version is comparing oneself to oneself in the past (results based) or seeing whether we're consistently implementing whatever process we believe it is best for us to implement (process based).
During a long phase of intense running a couple of years ago, I vividly remember the following:
At the beginning, whenever I would overtake someone I would think: 'What a sucker, look at me go!' Whenever I would be overtaken, I would think: 'Woe is me, I suck!'. This was the comparing self-esteem.
I kept noticing and noticing such thoughts in a neutral manner and knew they were banal and of a low level.
As a result of the noticing, over time, this type of thinking totally went away. I realized I was 'racing' only against myself. That it was about the effort, process, and consistency, not the running tempo.
As a result, I came to see all runners the same, as having the same worth, as being part of the same tribe. As long as they were putting in the same effort at the track, the 200kg 'fatso' huffing and puffing while briskly walking and the ultra-marathoner were the same to me. Different speeds and histories, yes. But now that they were putting in the same effort, same in terms of value and respect.
To this day, I cheer on all runners in my mind, and am sometimes even a bit nuts and cheer them on out loud! 😃
Since I previously did a lot of smoking and drinking, very little sport, and was fat and unhealthy, the sporting progress gave me lots of positive self-esteem, with very little or no negative side effects.
Like with other things, maybe it's about the 'level' of the thing we're deriving our self esteem from. It can go from the very gross and banal, all the way to the very subtle and noble.

Ditto with what I said to @Lionduck how the terms are defined can be moved around.

I think the context she, and myself, are coming from is there was a big self esteem movement in the 80s and 90s that was well intentioned but made some missteps that had unintended consequences that people in my generation may have taken on.

I'll just link Google's summary of the pitfalls:

Narcissism Instead of Confidence: Critics argue the movement confused self-esteem with narcissism, producing a generation with inflated egos, entitlement, and low resilience.
The Problem with Praise: Research found that simply telling children they are "special" or "smart" without them earning it through effort can backfire, reducing their willingness to tackle difficult challenges.
Failed Academic Results: Despite the focus on raising self-esteem to improve grades, studies showed that this approach often resulted in grade inflation rather than actual improved performance.
Correlation vs. Causation: Early assumptions that high self-esteem causes success were found to be flawed; high self-esteem is often a result of accomplishment, not the cause.

I think most of these problems with the self esteem movement are addressed in your reframing around comparing oneself to one's past self or commitment to the process rather than other people, or perhaps society in general.

To my mind, self-esteem derived from comparison with others is of a lower level, is weaker, and fleeting. Not to be highly reccomended. But also not the only option.
The higher, more powerful, and more stable version is comparing oneself to oneself in the past (results based) or seeing whether we're consistently implementing whatever process we believe it is best for us to implement (process based).
During a long phase of intense running a couple of years ago, I vividly remember the following:
At the beginning, whenever I would overtake someone I would think: 'What a sucker, look at me go!' Whenever I would be overtaken, I would think: 'Woe is me, I suck!'. This was the comparing self-esteem.
I kept noticing and noticing such thoughts in a neutral manner and knew they were banal and of a low level.
As a result of the noticing, over time, this type of thinking totally went away. I realized I was 'racing' only against myself. That it was about the effort, process, and consistency, not the running tempo.
As a result, I came to see all runners the same, as having the same worth, as being part of the same tribe. As long as they were putting in the same effort at the track, the 200kg 'fatso' huffing and puffing while briskly walking and the ultra-marathoner were the same to me. Different speeds and histories, yes. But now that they were putting in the same effort, same in terms of value and respect.
To this day, I cheer on all runners in my mind, and am sometimes even a bit nuts and cheer them on out loud! 😃
Since I previously did a lot of smoking and drinking, very little sport, and was fat and unhealthy, the sporting progress gave me lots of positive self-esteem, with very little or no negative side effects.
Like with other things, maybe it's about the 'level' of the thing we're deriving our self esteem from. It can go from the very gross and banal, all the way to the very subtle and noble.