Best Of
Re: Getting better "blog"
A new sleep regime often takes a while to settle down, but it sounds like you are doing good things. I hope it works out well in the end.
Jeroen
Re: No Buddhist Quotes
“There is no law in existence that you always go higher; you can go lower, you can fall below the previous stage. The path of evolution becomes certain only when you are becoming more conscious; then each successive life is on a higher plane.
But how many people are trying to be conscious? On the contrary, most of the people in the world are trying to be as much unconscious as possible, because what little consciousness they know of is nothing but anxiety, anguish, worry. It is a torture, a tension. And there is no certainty that what you are deciding is the right thing, so there is a great fear, a hesitation. In the small consciousness that man has, he is always in the position of either/or -- divided, split, torn apart -- one part pulling in one direction, another part pulling in another direction. He is simply miserable.
It is not an accident that alcohol and other drugs which can drown your consciousness in the vast unconscious are as old as man.”
— Osho, ‘The Path of the Mystic’
Jeroen
Re: No Buddhist Quotes
@FleaMarket said:
"Be the empty welcoming abode where all manner of states of being are greeted warmly"
— I don't remember
Sound's a bit like Rumi's The Guest House
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
Shoshin1
Re: No Buddhist Quotes
"Be the empty welcoming abode where all manner of states of being are greeted warmly"
— I don't remember
Re: Getting better "blog"
Nice efforts @marcitko, you're sounding very self-aware. Knowing what you're doing in large and small certainly provides some valuable moments where a decision is found when previously there may have been an unaware impulse to follow by default. The spiritual bank account grows.
Re: Buddhist quotes
"If we have any doubt of this sort, then it will certainly
hold us back, and we will not exert ourselves to do our
level best for it — because we see no hope: You seem to
say to yourself: “No, I’m not made for this; not ME. This
is much too high for me.” or “That’s too perfect for me.”
This is lack of self-confidence. And it would amount to
nothing but heaps of excuses for laziness and shirk-
ing. But this self-doubt is against the first doctrine of
Buddhadharma that ultimately all sentient beings share
the same quality of Buddha Nature"
Reverend Cheng Kuan
Re: Is the middle way comfortable?
@Jason said:
It's a lot like the story of Jesus and the rich man, where the man who observes the basics as far as precepts go (refraining from killing, committing adultery, etc.) asks Jesus how to be perfect and Jesus tells him, "Go, sell what you have, and give to [the] poor and you will have treasure in heaven; then come, follow me.” And as the story goes, "At that statement his face fell, and he went away sad, for he had many possessions."
This story reminds me a lot of how people who became Osho’s sannyasins in the 1970’s would follow him. They would literally sell their homes in the west, book a one-way ticket to India and go live near the ashram in Pune, using up their money on therapy groups and working at the ashram. People had very little, but they were content and they didn’t worry about tomorrow.
That said, intentional poverty doesn’t make a lot of sense these days. It’s just a question of living a simple life and just using what you need.
Good post, Jason!
Jeroen
Re: Getting better "blog"
Friday was a good day in that I did everything that I said I would, except that for the work sessions I chose all of the easy tasks and avoided the hard ones, and that I drank a coffee in a bar after the gym. Except for "pick-me-up" situations, I notice that I indulge in harmful behavior also sometimes as a "reward" (such as a reward for going to the gym).
Saturday (yesterday, when I did not post) was a shit day because I slept very poorly due to having to get up very early for an appointment - and then that appointment got cancelled. I find I am very sensitive and easily derailed by things such as poor sleep, coffee, alchohol (which I do not drink), etc. The day was not very productive but I did do my morning routine, did some learning, and participated in the spiritual Zoom.
I have been doing concentration meditation on the breath twice a day for 10 minutes and am finding great benefit - it calms me, I experience moments of peace - hooray! 
I also notice all of the random rambling thoughts that induce anxiety, good insight, but just return to the breath without suppressing. For that reason I am increasing the time to 15 minutes.
Plan for today:
- Morning routine (15 minutes concentration meditation, cold shower, smoothie)
- Go to the gym
- 1 45 minute session work
- Clean kitchen and bathroom
- Two Zooms (one work, one friends)
- Evening routine (10 minutes clean up, "what was good, what was bad", 15 minutes concentration meditation).
Yesterday while meditating I realized that I must make sure to make good decisions in both small and big decisions since the small ones are a) frequent and b) shape the way in which I make the big decisions. Many small good decisions result in very big good outcomes, kind of like with compound interest with investing. Too frequently I give myself a pass and take a "I'll do better tomorrow" attitude, especially with small decisions which are "not that important". No, I need to do better (the best I can) today.
marcitko
Re: Getting better "blog"
I've heard anti-anxiety are difficult to taper off because anxiety is a by nature a uncomfortable experience. Seems reasonable to try to reduce as much as possible and see what happens. I take Prozac and my doctor (* I'm his patient for six months now) asked about how my mood is and I said it's usually only a problem when I have psychosis, but that I thought it (medicine) helped me to take the edge (not worry or feel stress etc) off of things like the occurrence of the pandemic. He recommended to taper my dose to one half. I've been at one half around 4 weeks and that's the span of time where all of the effect should be felt now. SSRI is a different time frame to notice the effects than anti anxiety. Anyhow I'm feeling some good effects that are hard to explain and also some other effects: harder to wake up in morning and some more irritability. I won't see my doctor for another month and I'm not sure if I'll want to keep tapering that medicine? Maybe I will just to test out what will happen to my mental experience. Anyhow hope the best for your practices which sound like good ideas and virtuous reactions to your experience.
Jeffrey
Re: Getting better "blog"
@how said:
They learned within their experience of anxiety/depression, to shift their practice accordingly from its current expression of a mentally dominated imbalance to one that's more physically orientated. This offers to bring some balance to an imbalance.
Thank you very much @how. I have not done breath counting or following for years, but tried it yesterday, and it definitely had a calming effect, including of the body, which is what I require. For years now I've found it difficult to meditate but found great benefit in sports - for the same reason you state - that it ground me back to the body and taught me a lot. This is why I am prioritising sports and physical health at the moment. I will aim to experiment more with breath counting/following.
- *
Yesterday I did everything that I said I would do, except that for one of the 45 minute sessions I avoided a difficult task and did an easier one, and that the sports ended up to be (only) 10 minutes of vigorous stretching/dancing at home. So, realistically, I'd say I did 80% or 90%. Still a good score.
I noticed a lessening of anxiety as a consequence of doing the things that needed to get done. Going forward, I would like to do what I call "ping-pong" - doing immediately what needs to be done, "returning the ball", and not avoiding or postponing.
I experimented with drinking black tea in the afternoon (Earl Gray for all of you British folk . It seems to be a much better choice for me than coffee.
I lost a bit of weight as a result of the hiking - hooray! I keep noticing a strange phenomenon where weight-loss as a result of sports seems to occur mostly 2 days after the sport, not immediately on the next day.
- -*
The plan for today is to:
- morning routine: journal (here + gratitude in my journal), 10 minutes of counting/following the breath, cold shower, smoothie, 5 minutes vigorous stretching
- go to the gym (now in the morning)
- 5 45 minute work sessions with 15 minute breaks
- 1 45 minute session for personal chores
- evening routine: do a "what was good, what was bad" analysis of the day at 8pm + clean up for 10 minutes + 10 minutes of counting/following the breath.
- Do not exceed 1/4 of the anti-anxiety medication and do not drink coffee in the afternoon
- General approach: "ping pong" - do not avoid doing what needs to get done
The anti-anxiety medication that I take (and am attempting to eliminate) is a very low dose even at 1x. So the 1/4x that I am taking now is mostly a placebo dose. A few weeks ago I tapered down to 0x and that's when I had quite some disturbances. Considering the very low dose, it must be nearly completely a psychological "crutch" where the mind then gets scared of not having that "crutch" any more so puts on a "show". I noticed that same phenomenon when tapering off cigarretes (the next big thing I need to tackle), I could get down to 5 a day no problem, but when trying to get to zero experienced disturbances.
marcitko