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Fear is my main problem - can you help?
Fear seems to be the main cause of my unskillful actions, thoughts, etc...
For example, a wild raccoon or rat trying to come into my house will send me in an uncontrolled panick attack (even though I have no problem petting or touching pet rats, mice, snakes... etc..)
Also, fear of not being able to help financially my kids and grandkids will prevent me from being charitable enough with my money.
Fear of bad consequences will prevent me from being open-minded and will make me react too fast and sometimes in an unkind way to people that have put me in difficult situations before.
Those are just a few examples, but I seem to let fear control me much too much.
Are some of you experiencing the same difficulties with fear? And in that case, what does help you? Meditation on compassion for animals, people? What else?
I am a newbie, any comment is welcome... Thanks!
For example, a wild raccoon or rat trying to come into my house will send me in an uncontrolled panick attack (even though I have no problem petting or touching pet rats, mice, snakes... etc..)
Also, fear of not being able to help financially my kids and grandkids will prevent me from being charitable enough with my money.
Fear of bad consequences will prevent me from being open-minded and will make me react too fast and sometimes in an unkind way to people that have put me in difficult situations before.
Those are just a few examples, but I seem to let fear control me much too much.
Are some of you experiencing the same difficulties with fear? And in that case, what does help you? Meditation on compassion for animals, people? What else?
I am a newbie, any comment is welcome... Thanks!
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Comments
the only route out is through acceptance.
Our real fear of anything is always in plain sight, and that's to our benefit because now we know what to work with. We can practice meditation and focus on those strengths that perhaps will help ease those fears. Good luck.
metta
Through the support of those you will find life to go into fear.
For example, if you fear giving money away, go places where there are opportunities and give. Like to a corner where you know panhandlers frequent. Have fun with it and enjoy.
Expectation or anticipation just means a desire to control the future, a thing that obviously no one can do. Fearing some future event is, despite the sometimes negative connotations, an ego trip...an alpha male if ever there were one.
I have my doubts about trying to 'nice' our fears into submission. But I do think that taking up or focusing on a meditation practice that is attentive without add-ons can ease the scene. Just pay attention in a quiet setting to the fears. When you first sat down to meditate, the fears were 'x' but when you stood up they had become 'y.' How did that happen? What ever happened to 'x?' Stronger and weaker, weaker and stronger ... coming and going. Just watch and see what actually happens.
As an experiment, you might also try this: The next time you feel the panic approaching, just take a moment and, literally, smile. It doesn't matter if the smile is fake or genuine ... just try it. And, perhaps, try it again.
Best wishes.
there is only you saying no to the love that is everywhere. embrace it.
I can relate. I think fear is the most common thing every human beings shares. Many of us are moved by fears and few even recognize it. There is only one way to overcome fear and that is to move past it. If you move around it or try to make it go away it only makes the fear that much stronger.
The best way to move past fear is to understand what it is you are afraid then logically discard the overblown and exaggerated aspects of it and finally, the hardest part, doing the thing you fear. Even doing what you fear once is not enough, it then requires you to keep doing it until you realize that there is nothing to fear.
Perhaps one of the wisest quote Ive ever read is "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself". I think overblown and irrational fears is the biggest problem we face as a human being and once we move past it a whole new world opens up, this time based on possibilities rather than fears.
http://www.viewonbuddhism.org/fear.html
when fear arises, you can simply sit down, stop acting, and just sit with the fear, reflecting on it. let the raccoon stay in your house for a while, sit with you fear, until you see it more clearly & it calms down
once it calms down, then using your rational reasoning (rather than fear), take the necessary steps to remove the raccoon from your house
i have possums that live around my house but i prefer them to stay out of my house rather than within
regards, good luck
Person, I will definitely check that site (right now, as a matter of fact).
Dhamma Dhatu, beautiful pictures of possums: I find them adorable, but I admit I would have a panick attack if they come inside my home. :hair:
http://www.breakoutofthebox.com/systematicdesensitization.htm
[When fear & terror came while I was lying down, I would not sit up or stand or walk. I would keep lying down until I had subdued that fear & terror.
http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/mn/mn.004.than.html]
Thank you all... I have a lot of work to do, and I know it is going to be a long way, but any little progress will be appreciated.
My partner fears heights, and flying.
I fear injections and syringes.
These are all fears which can either stunt us psychologically and prevent us from moving physically - or they are fears we can confront, and rationalise.
The fears you have, are logical.
These animals may be wounded or diseased, or simply mistrust and feel hostile to humans. Of course it is rational and logical to keep them out of our living space, they make a mess and could create havoc.
Needles and syringes hurt. They're sharp and can be dangerous.
Heights speak for themselves - although falling isn't the problem.
It's hitting the ground, that is the problem.....
So Fears have a rational foundation. Fear - in a healthy dose - keeps us safe and cautious.
It's when fear inhibits any form of progress, that it becomes something to address.
Be well.
And be positive.
There is a lot of great advice in letting go of fear, and I agree especially with DD's words of letting yourself sit and Fed's noticing you are not alone in being fearful. It is quite possible that working with your fear in that way will cause it to subside. It is also possible that fear is a symptom, rather than the root of the issue.
Sometimes, when there is general insecurity in our ability to interact with our environment, it arises as a result of a negative self view and inability to enforce proper boundries. Do you also have difficulty telling people no? Asking others to nurture and care for you? Do you find yourself sacrificing your desires for the desires of others? Doing things for others they should be doing for themselves?
Said differently, perhaps being overtaken by fear is simply an expression of a general lack of self-esteem. It would be very reasonable to become quickly overwhelmed in that case, because its common for us to draw our courage from esteem.
With warmth,
Matt
Thank you, Federika, it helps!
I have to work on it....
Thanks again to all!