Scared of Enlightenment?

Zayl

I know it sounds silly, but just hear me out. I am not sure if I will make sense, but I will try to explain it as best I can.

When I sit on meditate upon something, whenever I feel I am about to make some sort of breakthrough in my thinking and being I suddenly become frightened and break it off. I don't know what it is exactly, but I think I fear that what I may learn or become may alienate how I relate to other people or the world around me. I recognize this as a very true and crippling attachment, not wanting things to change in this way. But I do not know how to get past it. I am sure some of you at least have had something a little similar happen to you in the past, how did you cope with it?

federica

Auto-shut-down.
If you stop to think about it, we all do it, all the time.
the 'Truth' is right there, before our very eyes, right under our nose.... but we constantly turn away from it, or deliberately fail to grasp it.
'Deliberately', because we all KNOW it's there.
We all know what we need to do, to get it.
And repeatedly - we just don't do anything of the stuff we need to do.
Or not do, whichever way you want to look at it.....

conradcook

That's good!

Now the question is, why do you meditate?


Conrad.

genkaku

That's good!

Now the question is, why do you meditate?


Conrad.

@Conrad -- I think your experience of 'breaking it off' is really very good ... much more informative than talking 'enlightenment' talk. It means, in my mind, that you are taking your practice seriously and that Buddhism is not just some Tinker Toy religion.

The American civil rights leader, Martin Luther King, Jr., once observed, "It's not what's wrong with the world that scares people. What really scares them is that everything is all right." And this is true for individuals as well, I imagine. It's one thing to point out all the frailties and fuck-ups in our lives -- to work hard to correct or revise them -- and quite another to see things as they are ... and be at peace. Who would we be without our worries, if somehow, magically, they simply disappeared? Now THAT'S scary, based on a lifetime of habit and belief. Who wouldn't break something like that off?

Meditation helps to build the strength and courage to be responsible for the good news.

Zero

When I sit on meditate upon something, whenever I feel I am about to make some sort of breakthrough in my thinking and being I suddenly become frightened and break it off.
But I do not know how to get past it.

If you know why you 'break it off', why do you want to get past it?

conradcook

Genkaku,

Actually, I'm afraid I really don't understand your post. I'm not being cute here. I'm not following.

What I meant was:

It's a good sign.

And:

What are Zayl's reasons for meditating?


Conrad.

taiyaki

You'd be surprised how much aversion there is.
To enlightenment, to happiness, to peace and freedom.

It really helps to build up motivation that is other focused.

All actions of body, speech, and thoughts are dedicated to all sentient beings and buddhas.

This helps to cut through fear and aversion. Then you eventually learn that there isn't much to fear and when fear arises it is merely ungraspable sensations that we project fear onto. In fact it is just a certain frequency of energy that we associate fear with. Even fear is marvelous and even magical.

Here comes fear, take me away. When there is fear, let the fear reign. Then you'll find that there is only sensation. No feeler. Just sensation. Appearing, yet not findable.

person

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

-Nelson Mandela

Dakini

Looks like genkaku got conrad confused with Zayl's post about breaking off his meditation. Just clarifying.

Zayl

Why do I meditate? to seek wisdom of course, to broaden myself. I don't want to have an aversion to anything meditation might bring of course. But I just can't help it. Person's Mandela quote I think describes it somewhat. Maybe I should just keep on keeping on no matter how I may feel about it? to break that attachment to what is my current self?

zen_world

thats normal man...keep going..
one step at a time...eventually you will surrounder...
complete surrounder is a crazy thing...
yours is very normal reaction...

conradcook

Why do I meditate? to seek wisdom of course, to broaden myself. I don't want to have an aversion to anything meditation might bring of course. But I just can't help it.

I'm afraid of enlightenment too. But I do want to get closer to it than I now am.

I have it that I can bail out if I want to.

In fact, I think I might have decided to give it up. I'm still mulling it over.

Steaming through despite how you feel is one way to do it, but I don't necessarily recommend it. You might look into your desire for wisdom, and what that means to you and why it's important, to compare it to what you anticipate you could lose through enlightenment.


Conrad.

Telly03

genkaku

Looks like genkaku got conrad confused with Zayl's post about breaking off his meditation. Just clarifying.

Guilty as charged. My apologies.

Jeffrey

What do you feel you need in your relationships that will change?