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Buddhist Jokes
ClayTheScribe
Veteran
I'm sure there are some other threads with Buddhist jokes on here, but I'm starting another one. We often get very serious and heated on here, it's nice to joke and even make fun of ourselves. I'll start:
Bad Buddhist pick-up line: "Hey baby, what better way to realize inter-connectedness then for me to enter you?"
Bad Buddhist pick-up line: "Hey baby, what better way to realize inter-connectedness then for me to enter you?"
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That's absolutely dreadful.
any guy trying that on me would very soon discover there is such a thing as (un)consciousness.
A: There is only One.
It's OK, when I made it up I didn't laugh either
He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.
The head monk, says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son."
He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot.
So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing, "We missed the "R" ! , we missed the "R" !"
His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably.
The young monk asks the old abbot, "What's wrong, father?"
With A choking voice, the old abbot replies, "The word was... CELEBRATE !!! "
Four:
One to scew it in.
One to not screw it in.
One to both screw it in and not screw it in.
One too neither screw it in nor not screw it in.
They have no soul.
Because he had no attachments
First monk says: "These pine trees are magnificent."
The second monk slaps him across the face.
First monk: "Why did you do that?"
"I'm a Zen monk so I can get away with all kinds of weird stuff like that."
The master shouts back, "You are on the other side".
meets Dalai Lama backstage, (rich daddy got her a stage-pass!) after his talk on attachment, materialism and the suffering of the affluent west...
"Oh Dali," she croons, clutching her hands under her chin, " i just loooved your talk thing with all the maroon robe and smelly stuff, it was so keeewel!"
The Dalai Lama, smiling as ever, bows slightly... bemused....
"Yeah, well....great.... anyway, you'll never guess what??
My daddy, who's a real big fan of yours, (he's bought all your records and stuff)... you know, he made a bet with me, and he bet me that if i can just get you to say three words, to me, personally, just to me..." *squeals in anticipated delight*, "he says he'll buy me a brand new arctic fox fur coat! isn't that just the best..?!?
so what do you say, Dali dearest?"
HH the Dalai Lama pauses, smiles, and replies -
"Daddy wins!"
the biter bit.....
Classic.
He kept marking the cause of death as "birth".
http://ornot2b.com/index.php?comic=Buddhist Colony
The second said, “My teacher has so much self-control, he can go days without sleep.”
The third said, “My teacher is so wise that he eats when he’s hungry and sleeps when he’s tired.”
You're my hero.
(I wouldn't like to be that puppy when the cat gets loose)