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where to start....
Hi everyone im new here. So as the title states, where do I start? Well im 24 and had my first child last year. He's the light of my life. But with great joy comes great responsibility and that in turn overwelmed me to the point of depression. I'm still struggling through this but i am grateful as I have gained clarity through this experience. I would love to hear others techniques for dealing with stress. Where do I start people?
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2) Pay attention to breathing out
3) Repeat!
That's how I started, and that's really the backbone of most meditative practice.
I find focusing on the breath really helps me become aware of things that are going on around me and in my body at the present moment, instead of thinking about things that could go wrong, what I want to see happen in the (near) future, regretting past actions, etc.
This should keep you busy for a little while
http://www.dhammaloka.org.au/downloads/itemlist/category/24-guided-meditation.html
might want to check out his Dhamma talks as well
http://www.youtube.com/user/BuddhistSocietyWA?feature=watch
welcome
When my daughter -- first of three kids -- was born, I was panic-stricken: How the hell was I supposed to do things 'right?!' I didn't know, but I knew I wanted to do the absolute best for her ... and didn't have a clue. At the time, my sister with two kids of her own reassured me a little. "Adam," she said in a mock psycho-babble tone of voice, "you can read every book that was ever written about child-rearing or you don't have to read any of them. Either way, you won't know shit."
Her advice, after quite a lot of experience, was right on target. Every moment is new. And the required attention is exhausting. Not only is there the birth itself, but there is a terrible corner that has been turned ... suddenly, the subtle or gross self-centeredness with which I had been living was shattered. Guess what -- I wasn't the center of the universe! I'm only half joking about this. It's a pretty severe change. Since most of us survived our parents' ineptness, it's a good guess that you and your boy will too.
For my money, trying to divert yourself from current circumstances is not the best route. Sure, get out to a movie or dinner if you can, but don't take on some zippy new project. Buddhism means coping with what is in front of our noses right...now. It does not mean stuffing our mind's mouth with a lot of 'Buddhist' cotton candy.
First: The first rule of parenting is this: All parents will fail. Not "some," not "maybe" -- all parents will fail. And since this is true, it's time to slow down and take it easy on yourself.
Second: Find small escape routes. Get someone to watch the baby and jump in a warm bubble bath. Wine, tea and aromatic candles are optional. For 20 minutes ... bliss out.
Third: Go outside. This is one of the simplest and most effective tools I know for bringing the blues into perspective. No, it doesn't get rid of them ... but a wide sky can help to mitigate things.
Fourth: The baby will win. You will not win. Get used to it. Just because the baby will win does not mean you have lost. It just means the baby has won. My brother-in-law once told me that when his son was a baby, he was determined to get up every time the baby cried in the night. My brother-in-law was a Type A, I-can-do-everything-and-more kind of guy. But he had a full-time job, so getting up each time the baby cried was a challenge. He did it for about a week until one night, in the middle of the night, he heard the baby cry, got out of bed ... and passed out. The baby had won.
Fifth: The best thing you can do for your baby is to take care of yourself. This is harder than it sounds. Do it anyway. You have to see what you need and then find ways to fulfill those needs irrespective of the I've-got-to-be-perfect chattering mind. If Ben&Jerry's is what you need, do Ben&Jerry's. If A, B, C, D, E ... is what you need, then seek those things out in your heart and nourish them as best you may. Not perfectly of course (see rule number 4) but as best you may.
Sixth: When it comes to Buddhism, all I can tell you is what my Zen Buddhist teacher told me after my daughter was born. He was a Japanese man, the abbot of a monastery, and was given (like a lot of Japanese people) to an immodest use of understatement. After my daughter was born he told me TWICE (which is the equivalent of a Marine Corps drill instructor screaming in your ear), "Take care of your family." Never mind the scriptures and the imagined realms of something called "enlightenment" ... just take care of your family. My teacher had no children, but he too knew ... the baby will win. And further, Buddhism has to do with the here and now, not some hymn-singing 'there' or 'then.' If you want to make a little meditation or reading part of your escape-route agenda, fine. But remember, the baby will win. Why? Because the baby is now and Buddhism concerns itself from muzzle to butt plate with what is now.
Just slow down and take good care of yourself. This IS Buddhism.
Namaste
Welcome.
Best wishes.
Yes, a gross over generalisation, but I'm sure you understand the point, so relax a little. Your child would like a relaxed, easy going Mother. All you have to do is tell yourself you're a 'relaxed and easy going Mother', believe it, and you will be; straight away. Keep faking it till you make it. For your child's well being, it's vitally important that you look after yourself well, both physically and mentally. Don't run yourself into the ground trying to be your concept of 'super mum'.
And if things are too bad, maybe a visit to your doctor wouldn't be amiss? Maybe there's something a little postnatal about the way you're feeling?
About two years ago I went to an A.A. meeting, a really big one, there must've been about 150 alkies there. One lady was asked to be a speaker as she went into the meeting; she tried to decline, but eventually agreed. This lady hadn't drank in several years, yet when she shared, she said she'd written a good bye note to her new baby that very day and was going to commit suicide. It was very powerful and the other ladies rallied around her after the meeting.
I saw her about a year later at another A.A. meeting, smiling, happy, and sharing as normal.
My point here is that no matter how you're feeling now, that feeling is impermanent and will change to something else. But if you think it's serious, a trip to the doctor could be helpful.
And there's been some good advice in the above too. I hope you stick around.
Regards,
Tosh