Feelings and disassociation

onthepath

Hello,

I've been meditating off on for about 10 years, but became pretty serious about my practice over the past two years. I've been training at Shambhala and recently went on a 10 day silent meditation retreat (vipasana). I've definitely gained many valuable insights and believe that I've changed quite a bit internally, but there seems to be something very different in how I access/relate to my feelings and emotions that is bothering me. Basically, I am feeling profoundly unconnected to my emotions and feelings (I guess relative to how I used to connect to them). At first, this really started to feel like "stability" and the ability to detach from my emotions in order to simply stay present. However, I'm now reaching a point in which it seems like I've lost access to my intuition and "gut feelings"... and actually joy and spontaneity for that matter. It's weird, because I do think I am able to be present and listen well with other people, but it feels completely cut off from a deeper sense of compassion and engagement that I used to feel - kind of robotic. Is this something that anyone else has encountered? I don't miss being highly emotionally charged and volatile, but I do miss feeling more... human? Would love to hear from anyone else that may be able to relate to this or offer some insight... thanks so much.

Invincible_summer

I can sort of relate. I sometimes don't have any great preference/aversion for one thing or another, or perhaps I don't feel very strongly about this or that, and it bugs the people around me. They expect me to see things in black-and-white... I feel like our world operates in black-and-white. The "middle path" of grey will be out of sync compared to society's extremes.

Also, who said that it's "human" to rely on gut feelings or be emotionally charged? You're a human, and you feel the way you outlined in your post - that is "human." I may feel more comfortable in quiet than being the "social animal" that humans are "supposed to be." But that's human too.

person

Try focusing on some compassion meditation, tonglen or metta or something. I certainly feel it is possible when putting some space around your normal emotions there would be a sense of being robotic. Love and compassion are very much a part of the Buddhist path and bring about a sense of connection to others. Relating to the world will be different but it doesn't have to be cold and distant.

Sabre

I don't know how you practice, but if you only do insight-like practices, the results apparently can be very distancing and dry for some. Do you also practice the Sublime States (brahmaviharas)? You can also meditate on Joy and Compassion as a part of the practice.

edit: what person said

taiyaki

Are you abiding as the watcher?

In Shambhala do they teach about formless awareness/presence and how its essence is clarity, openness, sensitivity?

The information I gather from this will allow me to help you.

genkaku

If you light a candle and then walk out of the room, does the candle go out? Be gentle but firm. Except when someone is badly in need of a shrink, humanity casts its light and makes course corrections without being asked.

Gently, firmly -- go straight.

patbb

might be a good idea to get a good assesment on where you are precisely and come up with a plan to get you where you want to be.

I think you should ask the vipassana experts.
http://kennethfolkdharma.wetpaint.com/ have a forum with many very helpful experienced students and teachers generally using goenka and mahasi vipassana approaches.

DairyLama

Try focusing on some compassion meditation, tonglen or metta or something.

I think that's good advice. Balancing clarity with compassion.

Sabre

Reminded me of this video by the way. I have not practiced these specific meditations techniques, so I can not comment on it neither do I agree necessarily. But it may be helpful, I don't know.