How to accept? Any advice

riju

Hi,
I have recently started reading Buddhism books etc, self reading it from last couple of months and trying to do mindfulless meditation and loving-kindness meditation. However, when trying to understand my feelings, I can see some suffering in some other people and I do want to help them but at the same time don't know how? Since I love them and care about these people, i feel very sad and frustrating accepting the fact that I cannot lessen their suffering, at the same time they cannot see their suffering, they seem to be ok with their lives.

Thanks,
Rita

RebeccaS

If they're ok with their lives then what's the problem? They're not suffering. They don't need help. You said it yourself, they're ok. I wouldn't worry about it.

MaryAnne

@riju

If they seem to be "ok" with their lives, it would be best not to interfere. Limit your involvement and advice-giving to people who ASK for it - either directly or indirectly.

If a friends plops into a chair next to you and starts complaining about their life/circumstances/relationships etc. and admits to being unhappy.... still - do not advise them until they ask for help. Best thing at that point is just to listen.

Right Listening is the best form of help for many people. Because they have someone who is listening to them with love and non-judgement, they can USUALLY sort through their stuff and realize what the answers are to their issues.

Even if they do come right out and ask "What should I do?" Or "What would you do?", try to once again limit any specific advice to; "What would you like to see as the outcome to this (problem)?" ... and then help them figure out how to get to that conclusion.

Being your family's and friends' go-to-guy (or gal) for advice can be a real burden at times... make sure it's a role you really want to take on. And be ready to sincerely set aside expectations - unless you enjoy daily disappointments and additional suffering (yours AND theirs)

Peace.

Ficus_religiosa

Sometimes you can help others, sometimes not. Buddhism is quite harsh on that - they suffer because of their karma. We all do. In that sense we only get what we deserve.
It is possible to be struck with illness, but ultimately that is also part of karmic fruits, the fruit of clinging to life, which again makes illness possible. I don't mean that in a pointing-fingers kind of way.

The best way to help people can be to just be yourself. You say they seem alright and content - then just let them be. If you go to them and preach, they will look at you like you're turning weird. To them it is just how life is. In a sense they are right - living is suffering. If they do not recognize their life as something containing suffering and seek your advice, there's often not a lot to do about it. Sometimes, however, one can see the mis-thriving of another and address it. When that is appropriate must be judged from situation to situation.
Buddha said:

In the case of words that the Tathagata knows to be factual, true, unbeneficial, unendearing & disagreeable to others, he does not say them.

In the case of words that the Tathagata knows to be factual, true, beneficial, but unendearing & disagreeable to others, he has a sense of the proper time for saying them.

In the case of words that the Tathagata knows to be unfactual, untrue, unbeneficial, but endearing & agreeable to others, he does not say them.

In the case of words that the Tathagata knows to be factual, true, unbeneficial, but endearing & agreeable to others, he does not say them.

In the case of words that the Tathagata knows to be factual, true, beneficial, and endearing & agreeable to others, he has a sense of the proper time for saying them. Why is that? Because the Tathagata has sympathy for living beings."

Right speech sutta

genkaku

One of the best bits of advice I ever heard came from the Dalai Lama, who said, in what context I don't remember, "It can't be helped." Implanting this information in the heart is not always easy ... 'helping' sounds so good and seems to beat the hell out of harming.

Nevertheless, with time, patience and observation, the dime has the opportunity to drop. Helping may be wonderful stuff, but to imagine "I" could help is a painful overstatement.

All of this is clearly up to individuals to realize or discard in their own good time.

Vastmind

One of the best bits of advice I ever heard came from the Dalai Lama, who said, in what context I don't remember, "It can't be helped." Implanting this information in the heart is not always easy ... 'helping' sounds so good and seems to beat the hell out of harming....... Helping may be wonderful stuff, but to imagine "I" could help is a painful overstatement........

Gratitude for this teaching. It always comes down to taking that damn 'I'
out, does'nt it?

RebeccaS

One of the best bits of advice I ever heard came from the Dalai Lama, who said, in what context I don't remember, "It can't be helped." Implanting this information in the heart is not always easy ... 'helping' sounds so good and seems to beat the hell out of harming....... Helping may be wonderful stuff, but to imagine "I" could help is a painful overstatement........

Gratitude for this teaching. It always comes down to taking that damn 'I'
out, does'nt it?

Seconded. Cheers, @genkaku

riju

Thank you so much for the great responses.
@genkaku, You nailed it..:)

Since I'm still new to this philosophy i get confused and overwhelmed sometimes. I guess, the key is to love yourself with gentelness and without being judgemental..and be kind to others. The other things will fall in place..but have to admit, loving yourself is very challenging for me , for a person like me who is very self-critical..

Thanks again for all the replies..