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Loneliness is Killing MEE!!!
This is exactly how I feel!!!
"I'm confused and conflicted.
I don't really have any friends right now. That is, I have human contact, I go to work, but I don't do anything outside of work with other humans. I feel distant and separated from everyone.
Which is strange, because in Buddhist thought we're all ultimately without separation or self, dependent origination, etc. So how can I feel separated? Yet I do, because the brain of any social animal compels them to seek contact with others. So that's an inescapable skandha, right, so I just need to make sure I'm not attached to it?
Then there's that quote everyone loves to toss around, the one about the rhino. "Be as the rhino and walk alone unless you find someone worth walking with." But we're also told to practice compassion and understanding, and if you're not having contact with other people because you're walking alone, how are you exercising compassion?
I tried going to the Buddhist temple for a while to find some sort of community or belonging in a social sense. I feel stupid for it, because it's just another form of clinging, right? Anyway, the temple didn't bring me anything, as dukkha inhabits all things. Not sure what I expected.
What do I think will change if I have friends or if I talk to people? Possibly being a hermit is a good thing.
But there's something else that gives rise to a thought that violently rejects that notion. No, being a hermit cannot be a good thing, I must be social, I must know people, but how?
I just feel really lonely right now, and I know that indicates my clinging and the lack of depth of my practice and my immaturity. But... I still feel these things. And I'm confused as all hell. Do I need friends? Should I have friends? Do I deserve friends?
I even feel distant from you guys, but I need to talk to somebody.
"Ashgromnies" I'm with this guy! What the hell do I do? Focus on sitting? I'm stuck!!"