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Sex in America
For all the Americans here, do you feel as though sex is not discussed enough in America. It is such a taboo and hush-hush subject, that it is rarely mentioned either at school or at home. The only form of education on sex I received in school was a week long abstinence class. It was a laughing stock. They gave us plastic frogs to keep with us always so when temptation would arise, we could look at the frog and remember what we learned in abstinence class taught by a 70 year old lady.
When I turned 14, I expected the talk. Surprisingly to me, the only thing that was talked about was that I better not get a girl pregnant while not married. I live in a laid back moderate Christian family. I was stunned that nothing was mentioned about pre-marital sex, contraceptives or anything. Who knows, maybe I'll get some advice before I go to college.
It is sad really how one of the purest and most beautiful aspects of human biology has become a symbol of evil in too many of the religions of the world. It is also kind of sad that my primary education in sex was from my friends in 6th grade and watching Television.
Any thoughts?:scratch:
When I turned 14, I expected the talk. Surprisingly to me, the only thing that was talked about was that I better not get a girl pregnant while not married. I live in a laid back moderate Christian family. I was stunned that nothing was mentioned about pre-marital sex, contraceptives or anything. Who knows, maybe I'll get some advice before I go to college.
It is sad really how one of the purest and most beautiful aspects of human biology has become a symbol of evil in too many of the religions of the world. It is also kind of sad that my primary education in sex was from my friends in 6th grade and watching Television.
Any thoughts?:scratch:
0
Comments
And I don't want him learning crap from other kids in 6th grade that know as much about sex as my big toenail does.
But... it's a two way street. Kids can't complain about putting parents on the spot to talk about sex when they're afraid to be honest about it too. It should be done in a trusting environment.
-bf
P.S. I had to add this ending note - I do believe it IS up to the parents to begin the dialogue though...
Lots of information and sensory overload...and not a solid context to put it in. I mean, the schools don't have a problem with teaching about sex...but they won't touch 'personal responsibility' or ethics or morality.
That's not the way it seems to be across the pond where, at least in some countries, sex is considered to be nothing more than a natural human activity that raises no more eyebrows than sweating or breathing. I think our uptightness about sex in America is what makes us so dangerous, always going around flaunting our military prowess like a giant phallus because we feel so inadequate. Imho!
Palzang
I guess that's what happens when a country is 'founded' by Puritans!
:doh:
The first time I got any education in school was in 7th grade. They told us everything, and gave us plenty of time to ask questions about things. We were tested on identifying parts of the sexual organs, and their functions. It seems as though, that now at least the education is doing well, they talked about AIDS, HIV, STDs. They covered abstinence, condoms, contraceptives. They didn't however cover homosexuality. I wasn't able to attend most classes in 8th grade due to a sleeping disorder, which was apparently when they covered those topics.
There are lots of things we should discuss with our children, compassion, kindness, honesty, caring, responsibility, sex - but unfortunately, we don't.
-bf
I couldn't agree with you more. I think that it IS talked about in our country, but what's mostly discussed is the fact of how awful sex is, and how you should not have sex until you are married. Riiiight......99% of teenagers do not listen to that piece of advice, so we need to teach our kids about responsibility, contraception, etc.
-bf
But yogamama said you only had a pea shooter!
On a good day... maybe a pea shooter...
-bf
The problem with our uptightness is that now it threatens to spread throughout the world, infecting other countries like an intellectual venereal disease. For example, just before I left Mongolia last year we met with some WHO volunteers who were in country to organize AIDS education, as there is an AIDS problem in Mongolia (like everywhere else), not a big one, but one that is completely ignored by both the public and the government. However, since they received money from the US government, they were banned from even mentioning condoms and other protective devices! That's because the lunatic wing of the Christian right has sunk its diseased fangs into our government and is slowly, quietly banning all forms of birth control. To them, only sex between married couples is to be allowed, and believe me, they ain't far from getting their agenda in place!
Palzang
HA!
Now, now, Palzang...I wouldn't have any idea about that! But from what his girlfriend tells me, it's more like a "flea shooter".
Oy, what have I started?!
What is it with Christians spreading their "word"?? As the issue of teen pregnancies and STD's continues to rise in this country, I would like to think that Christians would wake up and realize that their way is just not working.
Wishful thinking, I know....
Yep, 'fraid it is!
Basically they responded totally normal, because I didn't make it sound like it was a big deal. I told them the same way I would tell them that humans generally have two arms and legs. It's the parents' reactions and biases and hang-ups that cause it to be weird, funny, and uncomfortable with kids. If you make it no big deal, it will be no big deal.
This is an excellent topic for me, personally. I've been reading all of these books about growing up, and most of these books have broad, very general topics - financial decisions, health, jobs/college, etc. - as well as some brief sections on sex and various diseases associated. :hair:
Until this year, I told myself that I was going to wait until grad school - a good 5 years from now - to even think about it.
Go ahead, you can laugh.
Anyway, everything - my pre-conceived notions, my "knowledge" - has kinda been shattering in the past few months. I don't know what to do, who to do what with, what to do to who, how to do whatever, and where, when, or why. Go Abstinence...? :hrm:
((Well, I know why, but that's not the point.))
Going back to the topic. I actually think my school did a very good job of sex education. I took Health last year, and we covered sex issues in the last few weeks of school - my teacher said that hopefully by then, we were all comfortable enough to be able to ask questions in front of each other. On the day before exams started, we had a "Q & A" session for about 30 minutes, and I felt that my classmates asked some very good questions.
But, you know. We still giggled.
Immaturity is definitely a great survival mechanism for this board! Anybody who takes things too seriously will be in for a difficult time here - sucka! :wtf:
Plazang
Anyway, everything - my pre-conceived notions, my "knowledge" - has kinda been shattering in the past few months. I don't know what to do, who to do what with, what to do to who, how to do whatever, and where, when, or why. Go Abstinence...? :hrm:
[/QUOTE]
Actually having your preconceived notions shattered is a good thing!
Palzang
Despite my youthful appearance *flutters eyelashes*
Snicker all you want.
I could have made a comment about what Yoda's hubby told me - something about a 2x4 so he doesn't fall in - but I digress...
As for the giggling...
I've sometimes commented on and thought about on a number of occassions about:
Why is it so damn easy for us to "put that thing in there" - but to actually sit down and talk about "putting it in there" - even with people that have been living together for YEARS - so damn difficult?
-bf
But the Lung-power....!! :wow:
LOL!!!!
Oh, we have reached the lowest level now, huh??
-bf
"Oh no!, my dharma sister has fallen into the seedy depths! I must go in and help her sling all that mud!"
-bf
-bf
-bf
I was given "the talk" when I was 10, (I'm 53 now) it basically was a book called "So now you're ten" and that was it. I found it less that helpful and the message was clear - we don't discuss this.
I tried to address things with my daughters as they brought them up. I tried to be sure there was always an atmosphere of "everything is OK to discuss" and only answered their questions - without too much new information, especially when they were young. So they wouldn't get, confused, overwhelemed, embarrased. When they started to develope physically I had books like "Our Bodies, Our Selves for Teens" around. We had many conversations that started with; "Mom, I looked this up in OBOS but I don't get ___" That was also about the time AIDS education started to be learned/taught. (I thought I only had to worry about pregnancy and STDs, now we had to worry about death!) I taped as many shows on TV as I could find and told them they could watch with or with out me. I came home one day to find about 20 high school kids in the living room watching the AIDs education tapes (!). I told them if any irate parents called me I was pleading insanity, and then ordered pizza. No one ever called.
The one "don't get pregnant" talk was basically - please come to me so we can get birth control first and they were each around 18 when they did. The Planned Parenthood clinic was very impressed with a mother/daughter team showing up.
They are now both grown adults and we still talk alot. They seem to think we did a pretty good job of preparing them for making their choices.
It has been my task, over a number of years, to undertake 'sex education' with adults as much as with children. The way in which sex and its consequences, physical, mental and emotional, are subject to myths is quite extraordinary. For example, I have had clients who believed that they could not get pregnant /AIDS the first time, or standing up. The consequences of leaving people in ignorance are unwanted pregnancy and STDs.
Thus, I believe that a society/community/family that leaves people ignorant is guilty of the most cynical abuse.
Thanks. I was a young idealistic hippie who really wanted to be a good mom. So it was luck and my firm belief that I only got to influence them for a short time, but we would live with the results for the rest of our lives. :hair:
I think the trick is, try to be authentic/compassionate ... all that good 8 Fold Path stuff we strive towards. Of course the kicker with kids is, you never know how you did until they're grown ... and then it's too late to change anything! :banghead:
It is also interesting to have conversations with them now about past events - we sometimes are saying, that's not how I remember it! Luckily it's always small, funny details that we differ on!!!
Just think YogaMama, you're making the memories today that you and your daughter can talk about in the future!
Emma
Ain't that the truth!!!
Yes, just one daughter for now (my avatar is her picture), and her name is Emma.
This is crimal. It is like leaving a bunch of teens alone in a house with a keg.
I think most sexual weirdness is shame based. And that deep deep and complex roots.
When I went to school (all girl Catholic with uniforms) we were told we could get pregnant form sitting on a boys lap so at our mixers and dances - held in the gyn, mind you - nuns handled out telephone books if a girl was to sit on her dates lap, lol. They were not alone, but god forbid she would feel wood, it would ruin her for marriage.
These same nuns ahd a school assembly that featured policemen to talk on rape. And police told a audiutorium full of high school girls that if they were raped they should really think about not resisting or they might be killed!!
All this bizare anti sex stuff did not work for me...I ended up pregnant at 14, just turning sophomore.
What makes it even worse in Mongolia is that they are a very conservative country, and people there won't even acknowledge that something like a gay community might even exist there (it does, but way, way underground). So that's a double whammy, stuck between US puritanism and Mongolian denial - the perfect place for AIDS to grow and grow and grow. Also most gay men have wives so that they "fit in", so then HIV has an opportunity to pass into the women and babies too. Good going, Bush!
Palzang
Ahh yes...I have said that exact phrase many, many times.
Latine Mermaid...I know what you are saying. I went to a Catholic school for 9 yers, and had nuns to deal with. And most of the girls that went to that school with me ended up having sex at a very young age as well, so all their preaching seemed to have backfired. I was quite rebellious myself after getting out of that place.