Your word.

Zayl

So, I've just been wondering. Honestly it is not much more than something that has been floating around in my head, but I want to take the time to look at it nonetheless. How much weight do you put on your promises? your oaths? To be clear, I am speaking of "promises" and "oaths" in a general sense, ranging anywhere from a monk's oaths, to promising a friend that you'll help them with something. When you swear, do you really mean it? What are your views on oath breakers and the like? Where in the grand scheme of things does this even fit in, in the first place? I myself try my hardest to make my word my bond. I am not entirely sure why I do this, I just do. When I make a promise or swear to something I believe that by breaking such a bond, that I am not only betraying someone but rather turning my back on something very dear to me. This is why I believe I never make a promise lightly, even if it is something trivial I try to see it done.

karasti

I am much the same way, but then I run into problems because I will not commit to something I cannot keep, so people see me as non-commital. My mom is already asking us to make plans for holidays in the next few months, so I tell her that we aren't ready to decide yet, and she gets all "You just don't want to spend time with us, we're on the back burner unless you find something better." Which isn't true at all, but I don't want to commit to one thing until we have a chance to figure out what the inlaws are doing and what the kids schedules are (my son has ski practice throughout school holiday breaks as well.) So, not everyone understands it from the same point of view I do.

I've also found that if I make a more non-chalant "ok that sounds good" then people will treat it as if it's a dying promise and if something comes up and I have to cancel or change plans, then that sticks in their craw, too. So, I stick by my word, but I only give my word when I know I can stick to it. It is part of why I've waited so long to take refuge vows, which I'll be doing next month, even if I'm only giving the promise to myself, I'm doing it in front of my Sangha and my teachers and I owe it to them, too, to uphold my end of the bargain, so to speak.

pegembara

Breaking a promise feels like breaking a promise to oneself. When one lies to another, one lies to oneself.

vinlyn

I'm a little like Karasti...I shy away from making too many promises, when I do, there will have to be a darned good reason for me not to follow through.

tmottes

I agree with @vinlyn and @karasti. Choose your vows and promises well, so that your word means something. Let others deal with their own insecurities and inabilities to deal with uncertainty. Don't force anybody to make you become their rock.

genkaku

Make a promise, keep a promise.

But when you can't or don't keep that promise, stop looking for excuses (I couldn't do my meditation because the toilet broke; I couldn't be on time because of a traffic accident; etc.) ... just acknowledge that you chose not to keep your promise.

ThailandTom

Someone who keeps their word is often considered as a decent person, I have seen in social groups growing up a few people who spoke a lot but hardly kept their word. They were subsequently shunned or looked down upon by people, so I would say on that basis that 'your word' to most people means a lot. There is that saying, a dog that barks a lot is not considered a good dog, a person that talks a lot is often not considered a good person. Walk the walk and talk the talk

vinlyn

Yes, Tom, and that's a good example of living and breathing karma.

ThailandTom

vinlyn said:

Yes, Tom, and that's a good example of living and breathing karma.

Again lol, the 2 commas. Why do I get the 2 comma treatment?

vinlyn

Because that is the really correct way to write that sentence.

The other way to write it correctly would be, "Yes, that's a good example of living and breathing karma." Putting the Tom in makes it a bit more "to you" directly.

ThailandTom

I am not too hot when it comes to grammar even though I got a B+ in school, I still think my seizure after a lot of benzo and alcohol abuse is to blame, killed a few brain cells throughout that period for sure. It is just the way I read it to myself and the tone I gave it I guess, just came across as being condescending, my bad :buck:

vinlyn

I'm usually very good at grammar, unless you ask me to actually cite a rule. I do disagree with the way most people punctuate at the end of a quotation, although if I look hard enough I can find it's an alternate method. And I do put in the optional comma in a series of things (e.g., pasta, sauce, and cheese ... rather than pasta, sauce and cheese).

lobster

I consider myself a liar. Which is true enough. The question of honesty is about integrity. Most of us here are honest. Some to a fault, that is no lie . . .

Vows and oaths are made by children and those childishly thinking they can save every blade of grass . . .
Integrity is a way of life.

May all sentient beings benefit, so help me Buddha. :om:

Bunks

I try not to lie but sometimes I still do.

Zero

All I got in this world is my balls and my word and I don't break them for anybody