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I am a loner (happy about it).
WilliamHobbs
Explorer
I am a loner in a positive way (to me), I like to be alone for a long period during the day and I often reject those that wish to be with me at that time. Is that wrong or unkind? I am happy to socialise for the rest of the day, but I seem to be offending people. I reject them in a very polite way and I tell them about this desire, but they still seem angry. I usually dismiss these arguments, I do believe that I have a right to be alone.
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People who cannot be with themselves jump from relationship to relationship... never knowing themselves other then as being connected to someone else. When you get older and are single people get uncomfortable with that.. they want to hook you up with a friend because married guys are discouraged from hanging out with single guys(they might have second thoughts about the ol ball and chain lol).
if you are comfortable with being alone with your best friend(you).. then it is a healthy thing. There can be unhealthy aspects to being alone as well, it depends on the skillful use of the time.
Sometimes I still like my moments where I am alone with my thoughts and actions; I don't think I would be a very good Buddhist if I didn't like to be alone on some occasions. However, the idea of being alone all the time is, not only unfavorable, but also frightening. We need contact with others. It's in our nature.
To me, and I'm not sure how many people would agree, but the want or need to perpetually be alone can be a form of attachment. Then again, so can the want to need to always be around people.
Friends are nice to have, and they're important to have. They keep you grounded, they make you laugh, they help you move house, they introduce you to aspects of life you may not have discovered alone. It's a great privilege and joy to get to share in someone's life in that way. The only caveat is, of course, to choose your friends wisely.
At your young age, I'd invest the time in friendships. You'll have plenty of time to be alone when you're older. Just look at all the folks in retirement homes. Hang out, have fun. You'll never regret having friends, but you may regret not having them.
If the comfort you feel within your own skin in solitude is not there in the company of your family or friends...Why?
The answers to these questions might enable you to manifest a great teaching to those around you.
I find that when I'm tired I wish to be alone or I ignore my phone; I struggle with this sometimes. I had people try to phone me today, to wish me Merry Christmas, but I just wanted to spend time with my family, so I ignored the phone. I wish I didn't now.
If you consistently "shun" people around you, then you tend to find they give up over time. They get tired of inviting you to do something, so they stop asking and they fade from your life. Then you find one day you are in need of a friend, a shoulder, and someone comes to mind only for you to realize you haven't heard from them in months, or longer because you have failed to compromise in order to maintain the relationship. The times when you need someone is when you regret your decisions to ask them to leave you alone.
Now, some people just need far less social interaction than others, and that is ok. Like I said at the start, it depends on who the people are. If they are co-workers you barely see and wouldn't miss much if they disappeared tomorrow that's a bit different than if we are talking about a sibling or a very close friend.
I too prefer my own company but i wouldn't dismiss socialising. sometimes people can bestow many pleasantries upon oneself by just being around them.
All the best
I don't think you need to cut off all ties to everyone who doesn't practice dhamma.. but limiting your interaction with them and the power they have over you.
Everyone feels some sense of separation from existence. Your choice to face some of that alone will naturally challenge those who seek to assuage such feelings through connecting with others.
In truth, because that feeling of separation is a delusive construct of our own making, neither the externals of just being alone or being with others, will address it.
Developing empathy, sympathy & compassion though, for the suffering of those around you, which is no different than your own suffering, may be a better salve for what ails us all.