Unattached or too depressed to care?

lotuspadma

I used to be hooked on tv and music when I was little. In my teens and early adulthood it was books, music and pc games. But then I started meditating and gradually became apathetic and even aversive to these sorts of pursuits. What used to be enticing and pleasurable now makes me angry and fidgety. I dislike the whole idea of caring about fictitious issues and people, as well as the tackiness of romance and of course, the sex and violence. Now this wouldn't be a problem if I didn't care so much about what people think, but I do and I keep trying to like media again. It doesn't work, but I wonder if it's because I'm too depressed to enjoy it or this is actually a good result. I don't know if this is unattachment, as it present itself as aversion. I think it might be an aversion to unattachment? Dunno.

What is this? Is this good or bad?
Is anyone else like this? I'm not happy being the only one I know personally that is this different and I don't want to seem like a crazy religious person who only cares about her religion (though it is a huge priority indeed).

BhikkhuJayasara

I've come to find a gradual natural dispassion developes with practice. I don't have cable tv anymore but I do occasionally watch some documentaries and educational stuff on streaming.. I still play video games but no where near as much as I use to. I still go to the movies but again very rarely. I was never a huge music person, but I still listen to music here and there. Much of the time I use to spend on these things has been replaced with Dhamma in it's various forms(tons of dhamma talks, reading from the Nikayas and other buddhist books).

I find that when I am away on retreat for a week I do not miss any of it.. even my cell phone is turned off and in the car.

I don't feel any negative emotions or aversions to these things, but they just don't enthrall me like they use to. You should just attempt to let nature run its course, to let go from both attachment and aversion.. that includes towards other people's perspectives of you.

lobster

What is this? Is this good or bad?

Natural.
A lot of our life is superficial. With sufficient practice the content, circumstance, karma of life becomes secondary to the nature of experiencing. Once we know how to experience, everything around us almost miraculously improves. No matter how hard.

misecmisc1

lotuspadma said:

I don't know if this is unattachment, as it present itself as aversion. I think it might be an aversion to unattachment? Dunno.
What is this?

@lotuspadma: if you are feeling aversion and anger towards tv and music, then it is not unattachment, rather it is attachment towards the idea that these things are bad. if you do not feel like watching tv and if you find tv is on and someone asked you to sit along for watching some program, then if you see that tv program without having any concern - and after watching the program, do not think about the program, rather just let go of the program as soon as you left watching tv - then that will be unattachment - which will be a skillful act of being detached with watching tv and listening music.

Rodrigo

@lotuspadma: it seems that you are trying to be someone else than you. Accept who you are, what is important to you. Struggling to please others may give you a good image, but will make you unhappy.

But you should be careful if you are too depressed. If you feel too sad, too unmotivated (even for the things that are important to you), perhaps it's a sign that you should do something about it, even if it seems too difficult or unpleasant at first.

genkaku

Elevating Buddhism in your life is like elevating anything else (music, sex, money, eating, fasting, etc.): What goes up must come down.

For this reason, Buddhism suggests a little meditation (also subject to elevation until you've done it for a while). Meditation allows the ups to go up and the downs to go down... nothing special and for that reason, strangely special.

David

For me, it isn't that I've lost interest in these things but that I don't find them of any value unless they can relate to the path.

genkaku

@ourself -- Sometimes the path is wide. Sometimes it is narrow. The value remains the same.

David

I think I understand @genkaku;

Everything can relate to and further the path but I tend to go for the nectar over the poison. I don't know if that makes a lot of sense or not.

how

The only limitation to the path I've experienced is thinking that there is something that doesn't relate to it.

ecdrewello1

It's natural for our interests to change. I think I was a lot like you... before I found my Sangha I was very much into PC games, anime, light novels, etc. I still like to watch some movies, but more and more I find myself doing research into dharma topics, thinking about the next thing going on at the temple, etc. I've only been doing this since April, and I think there is still the new-factor for me... but I've managed to keep interest this long. If you're no longer interested in the games, etc. then let them be for awhile. You might get a real head-ache one of these days reading some dense Buddhist treatise and need a serious break.

Also, I've found that I've had great moment of insight just doing the most normal daily things... like eating breakfast. Everything that you do in your day is an opertunity for practice and insight... just keep everything ballanced.

maarten

I think it could be a good thing that you loose your interest in fictitious events, but - especially if you feel depressed - I would keep an eye out for finding things that nurture you. Maybe fiction is no longer nurturing, and you can replace this "food" with a better "food", just don't starve yourself :-). If you have needs, you have them for a reason, and it is not bad to find good ways to satisfy those needs. If you do, maybe the opinion of other people will become less important to you.

music

What's life without tv, music, and books? Aside from work, these are the only distractions most of us have. We are stuck with it.

lotuspadma

@music You elevate entertainment, then you dismiss it as a distraction that you're stuck with. I don't mean to judge you, only help you. Maybe you should seek other things to do, my friend. Things that are more fulfilling and make you happier. Also try not to distract yourself too much. You'll be sidetracked in no time. Metta.

music

lotuspadma said:

@music You elevate entertainment, then you dismiss it as a distraction that you're stuck with. I don't mean to judge you, only help you. Maybe you should seek other things to do, my friend. Things that are more fulfilling and make you happier. Also try not to distract yourself too much. You'll be sidetracked in no time. Metta.

I am not elevating entertainment at all, but the alternative is intolerable boredom. So we are forced to choose the lesser evil.

RebeccaS

@music perhaps an anti-depressant would another option worth considering.

music

RebeccaS said:

@music perhaps an anti-depressant would another option worth considering.

Why else do you think I log into this forum?

lotuspadma

@music You're saying that entertainment is a must in life. "What's life without it?" Isn't that quite a high place for it to take? You say the alternative is boredom. I perfectly understand that. But I read and heard in many places that we only get bored when we don't find our own company satisfying. I'm not telling you to give up everything and live in a cave, I'm just showing you that there are alternatives. You don't have to be stuck with a 'lesser evil'. I wouldn't be telling you this kind of stuff if I felt you were using for entertainment for detached enjoyment. And if it was bringing you satisfaction. But you seem to be using to fulfill something deep that it can't possibly do. I suggest you watch this: And start on metta meditation if you don't already. When you feel better, add samadhi meditation. You should seek internal, spiritual nourishment from internal, spiritual sources, not external and material. I've been where you are, and I moved on a lot, even with a less than optimal practice. You can do it if you want to. You owe it to yourself to at least try. And remember we're here for each other.

music

@lotuspadma, the link doesn't show up on iPad. It disappears when you click on it.

lotuspadma

@music It's Ajahn Brahm's dhamma talk on loneliness, you can check it on youtube.

footiam

lotuspadma said:

I used to be hooked on tv and music when I was little. In my teens and early adulthood it was books, music and pc games. But then I started meditating and gradually became apathetic and even aversive to these sorts of pursuits. What used to be enticing and pleasurable now makes me angry and fidgety. I dislike the whole idea of caring about fictitious issues and people, as well as the tackiness of romance and of course, the sex and violence. Now this wouldn't be a problem if I didn't care so much about what people think, but I do and I keep trying to like media again. It doesn't work, but I wonder if it's because I'm too depressed to enjoy it or this is actually a good result. I don't know if this is unattachment, as it present itself as aversion. I think it might be an aversion to unattachment? Dunno.

What is this? Is this good or bad?
Is anyone else like this? I'm not happy being the only one I know personally that is this different and I don't want to seem like a crazy religious person who only cares about her religion (though it is a huge priority indeed).

Unattachment doesn't mean you can't care less. Liking books should be fine, and why not music and pc games and other things too. It is only a problem when you get hooked for then, that would be like breaking the fifth Buddhist precepts where instead of being intoxicated with liquor, one is intoxicated with other forms of more subutle forms of intoxicants. You'd probably be happier with a little material thing. Why not walk the middle path?

lotuspadma

Very helpful answers. Thanks. I've come to the conclusion that I should not try to live the life of an arahat in such a forceful, unnatural and premature way. It only leads to repression and resentment. This practice is about awareness, and awaraness of the true nature of things. But it is gradual and you can't get rid of attachment with aversion.