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Do the people in your temple or neighbourhood look happy?
footiam
Veteran
After reading the sutta below, I just wonder: Do the people in your temple or neighbourhood look happy?
Thus have I heard. At one time the Lord was staying near Savatthi, at the Jeta Grove in Anathapindika's monastery. Now when night was passing a certain devataa, lighting up the whole Jeta Grove with her surpassing beauty, approached the Lord. Having drawn near and prostrated herself she stood to one side.[1]
Standing there the devata said:
Those living in the forest, Peaceful and calm, of pure life, Eating but one meal a day: How is it they appear so radiant?
The Lord replied:
They sorrow not for what is past, They have no longing for the future, The present is sufficient for them: Hence it is they appear so radiant. By having longing for the future, By sorrowing over what is past, By this fools are withered up As a cut down tender reed.
Thus have I heard. At one time the Lord was staying near Savatthi, at the Jeta Grove in Anathapindika's monastery. Now when night was passing a certain devataa, lighting up the whole Jeta Grove with her surpassing beauty, approached the Lord. Having drawn near and prostrated herself she stood to one side.[1]
Standing there the devata said:
Those living in the forest, Peaceful and calm, of pure life, Eating but one meal a day: How is it they appear so radiant?
The Lord replied:
They sorrow not for what is past, They have no longing for the future, The present is sufficient for them: Hence it is they appear so radiant. By having longing for the future, By sorrowing over what is past, By this fools are withered up As a cut down tender reed.
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Comments
Now that I've moved into Detroit, a city with a much worse reputation than the place I used to live, everybody around me is happier. There are more down-and-out people, more homeless people, more people that don't look like me, but... they're happier. People smile. People laugh. People say hello.
I am much happier here than I was there.
The lay-people at my local monastery are much happier, happy to talk to the monks, happy to be eating delicious dana lunch, just happy to be visiting a monastery.
The monks are serene, if not happy. They don't laugh much but they seem pretty chilled and friendly.
My neighbourhood is a high crime area. People do not greet each other on the street. Cars get trashed, and at night I often hear arguments and shouting from neighbours. The police helicopter is sometimes overhead.
'happiness lies in the smile, not in the object that inspired the smile.'
Just thought I would share as it has some relevance
At the Zen groups I attend now, it's pretty "serious," but people are friendly when you actually talk to them. I guess the unhappy looks on some faces could be because one of the groups is a drop-in type thing and there are lots of newbies and they're just self-conscious about meditating.
In all seriousness though, you might want to find a group that's run by lay people; I've found that those tend to have a more laid-back, casual vibe. Ones that are official temples or zen centres or what have you tend to have some "hardcore" people there.
What this all means, I don't know--maybe nothing special. But I thought Dharma practice was about getting to joy, or at least equanimity. I think some people approach the Dharma as something to be studied, but to actually integrate it into everyday life may escape some people.
Somebody wears robes and talks someberly in the prescribed manner and we lap up the platitudes. As we grow up a little we start to experience our own masking and become aware of it in others. If we develop in our practice, we learn to recognise awareness, happiness, sadness, suffering and the real condition of ourselves and others.
A center, a speaker, a lama, an experience has what we require - if we are genuine, authentic and a learner. We might learn about our attitudes, our responses, our triggers, irrespective of the environment. Some people go to the supermarket and come back wiser and some spend their life in a secluded Himalayan monastery and remain ignorant.
There is only one dharma centre. We are it.
this message brought to you by Crusty S Lobster (clowning, juggling and enlightenment while you wait) :vimp:
Sure, life in the temple is serious business, but there's also moderation. Perhaps the unhappy ones have forgotten moderation.
Happy now?
I have to sort of agree with @still_learning. Doesn't Buddhism teach that there is an end to suffering and a path to get there? How can anyone, knowing this, not feel a little joyful?
(beginning at the 40 second mark)
But as a few others have pointed out... there's a difference between a true smile and a fake one. I've been to churches where everyone is all smiles and compliments, but I know for a fact that they don't appear that way the rest of the week. I imagine sanghas aren't exempt from the phenomenon, but I will say, with my experiences of the SGI... I really do think those people were for real happy. Day in and day out, no matter where they were, I saw other members enough to know that they weren't just pretending.
But oh well, if you scowl to people on the street, you're likely to get a scowl back. If you smile to people on the street (whether it's because you're in a good mood or just being polite), you're likely to get a smile back (side note:aside from the *creeper smile). I've found that no matter where I live or work or whatever, if I go into it with a positive attitude, people will generally respond with positivity. As someone who has no hourly wage and only earns what kind of business I can scrounge up, I am very aware how much my attitude affects my income. People are drawn to positivity, it's quite amazing, really. I don't do very well when I'm in a bad mood.
*I'm sure every lady on here will know what the 'creeper smile' is. It's basically the smile that a guy gives you on the street that makes you wonder if he has some sort of X-ray vision. "Undressing you with his eyes" is another common phrase. I don't return that smile because I don't want to give any false hope... and... ew. There should also probably be some sort of note that I am, obviously, a female so anyone I smile to is unlikely to interpret it as threatening, unlike what may happen with a man. Personally, I like it when guys tip their hats to me with a smile. It's polite and kind of debonair.
I remember one day walking near the hospital in central Christchurch one afternoon and someone had scrawled onto the sidewalk in large letters: smile....
On another note, I try to remind myself to not frown, especially when I am feeling stressed out. I don't mean smiling outright, but loosening up the corners of the mouth ever so slightly that they are upturned. It results not in a full-on smile, but it isn't a frown either. I really believe it takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile. The difference is perceptible.
And I think that it is a two way street with moods and the body that expresses that mood-- it can work the other way around, where loosening up on that almost-smile actually helps to counteract stress.
I also remind myself to do this during zazen instead of getting tense in the face, loosen up those muscles-- this tension from frowning is not just in the jaw but in the muscles of the temple and the forehead. It really does have a calming effect.
Try it--it works!
I guess I'm a guy and I don't fully "get it," but it's still ridiculous that social norms appear to dictate that I can't be friends with most women so long as I have a girlfriend.
But if you REALLY want to get into it... from the women's side, society teaches women that we have something special that we have to protect. I saw something on facebook the other day that said, "Don't teach your daughters not to go out late, teach your sons to be better men." With slut-shaming and victim shaming ("Well, what was she doing walking around alone at night!?" "What was she thinking going out wearing that skirt!?"), girls are taught to act a certain way to deter attention. Like it's OUR fault that a rapist chose us as a target... You know, had I just worn pants and blended in!
So, it's not always just that we're wary about some guy we don't know hitting on us, there is also a certain amount of fear of the unknown that has subconsciously been beat into us from a young age. But with rape statistics like 1 out of 4 women (in the US)*, it's not exactly unfounded. Kathleen Hanna (punk singer) exclaims in one of her songs, "I've got THE GIFT OF FEAR!" and I never understood that phrase until I was sexually assaulted. In a way, fear keeps us safe. That's what it's like to be a woman, unfortunately.
*I've also seen 1/5 and 1/6 but due to the nature of it, it's hard to get an accurate statistic. I never came forward with my sexual assault, so I would be just another unknown not counted.
Then I thought about the area I live in. We live in a small village (160 people) about 3 miles from a small town (about 3500 people). In the general area, people are happy and very polite and nice. Everyone knows each other, so we wave and say hello and ask about each other's spouses and children and parents, etc. It is a nice way to live, to know most people you see. But then I thought about the village we live in. Most of the people are not very happy. I am not sure why, I think most of them feel stuck in their lives, don't like their jobs, don't like a lot of things and don't know how to change it.
I can't do anything to change their lives, but I think every day I'm going to start going for a walk and finding random things to try to cheer people up. Maybe leave a note on their car, shovel their walk (we're expecting like 8 inches of snow today) or whatever. I think our little town needs more cheer, and somehow I'll find a way to help bring it. Thank you for asking the question
All small, single family homes, in 5 different sections, but it's not a gated community, nor is it a ritzy uppity neighborhood.
The community itself is near the far end of a large suburban town that's very diverse, very busy, (lots of traffic), and a fair amount of things to do and see. We're also just a couple of miles inland from bay and ocean front resort areas.
I would guess the median age here in this community is probably 70-72.
But that's just a guess. It could be a bit higher.
It's always interesting to be surrounded by all "old" people. I'm on the youngest end of that "old people" spectrum (56) my husband is closer to that median age than I am (66 soon), but the vast majority of people in our neighborhood, clubhouse, and on our street are at least 8-15 yrs older than us.
I've been thinking about this OP a bit since it was posted.... It appears to me that the HUGE majority of the people I see out and about, whether it's at the community pools, the clubhouses, or just walking around the streets with their dogs, seem "happy". They smile, they nod hello, or in some way acknowledge everyone they make eye contact with.
This includes the really elderly or disabled people in scooters, wheelchairs or walking with canes or walkers . Even if they are confined to their front porches, they give a little wave as you pass by. They seem upbeat and positive for the most part. It seems like they still make an effort to enjoy life and appreciate every new day.
I have a feeling the grouchy, bitter, unhappy types are the ones we/I won't see at the swimming pools, or at Bingo, or at the card games, or in the clubhouse billiards room. It seems to be that the happier, more positive people are the ones who are out and about socializing and remaining active outside their homes if they can.
I have a deeper appreciation for the elderly since I've moved here, myself. Our lives are only going to be as positive and as 'happy' as we allow ourselves to be.
I hope I never get habitually frown-y, cranky or bitter, because it's such a waste of precious time....
(and really, no one likes a big ol' Debbie Downer, do they?)
Personally I think the fruit of the Buddhist practice might better judged by the equanimity that the members of a Sangha bring to each situation but who knows what any sangha member might of actually been like without that practice.
Imagine an unsmiling George Zimmerman doing a Buddhist practice, staying in his car as instructed, and preventing the creation of a world of greed, hate & delusion.
Judging the fruits of a practice by a Sangha's smiles is untrustworthy. The only fair test to consider would be the examination of the fruit of your own in that Sangha..
That is the real environment we all inhabit. :wave: