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So...dealing with anger and hatred - from a very hate filled person
So you may remember me from the introduction thread.
I am a proud ecowarrior and animal rights activist, and have been since I was a little child; my parents brought me up this way as they are both Greenpeace hippies. An example of my activism ranges from applying to crew with Sea Shepherd, heading out to Africa to be part of an anti poaching squad to simply promoting no kill shelters in my community.
Now the bigger issue. When it come to the planet and animals, I am overly compassionate sometimes. I have been known to shed tears for road kill such as moose on the side of the road, I have also starred into the eyes of buffalos trying to apologize for what we did to their species back in the day. being 30 year old male, this kind of behaviour isn't easy to admit in a world of masculinity, but its me. However, I am extremely the opposite towards humans. Apart from a few, all I see is the destruction to the planet they have caused, and the degradation and cruelty inflicted on innocent animals across the globe; when I think of it, I literally get short of breath and it feels like I cant breath. I am ashamed of the human race most of the time, and find very little, or very few positive things to sat about us. Most people annoy me, even family. For example, my sister is married to a man I hate, who treats her badly, and my parents badly, his behaviour has wore off on my sister and her behaviour is now horrid towards our parents. Rather than trying to help her and talk to her, I have simply just cut her off, and now haven't spoke to her in 2 years...the sad part...I don't care. Rather than seeing my sister, all I see is yet another failure and disappointment of a human being.
What brings me to buddhism? My wife is convinced there is a good person in me due to my respect and unconditional love for the planet and its animals, so she, even though a devout Catholic, asked me to look into it (yes I sometimes wonder if she is an angel lol). I have always admired HHDL as he is who I wish I could be, but know I could never be compassionate to those fuelled with so much hate and disrespect for the planet.
Maybe buddhism can't help me, maybe it can, but I have know idea how to love and respect a species such as us, when I spend most of my time apologizing to other species of the barbaric treatment we have inflicted upon them.
I often think those who inflict such tragic actions upon sentiment being, will reborn as one and will discover what it was like in their shoes..
If anyone can offer any words of wisdom or advice on how someone like me can put hate behind them, and move forward I would appreciate it. Is it as simply doing one skilful act a day and slowly every week adding another? How should I deal with hateful thoughts that creep into my mind... For example, the news story the other day told a story of a boy killing a dog with a bow and arrow...instantly negative thoughts entered my mind, thoughts of hatred, and rage and contempt, how does someone like me stop these thoughts, and more importantly, why should someone like that deserve positive thoughts??
I hope I am not a lost cause...and hope someone can shed some light on how i can even begin to move forward.
I am a proud ecowarrior and animal rights activist, and have been since I was a little child; my parents brought me up this way as they are both Greenpeace hippies. An example of my activism ranges from applying to crew with Sea Shepherd, heading out to Africa to be part of an anti poaching squad to simply promoting no kill shelters in my community.
Now the bigger issue. When it come to the planet and animals, I am overly compassionate sometimes. I have been known to shed tears for road kill such as moose on the side of the road, I have also starred into the eyes of buffalos trying to apologize for what we did to their species back in the day. being 30 year old male, this kind of behaviour isn't easy to admit in a world of masculinity, but its me. However, I am extremely the opposite towards humans. Apart from a few, all I see is the destruction to the planet they have caused, and the degradation and cruelty inflicted on innocent animals across the globe; when I think of it, I literally get short of breath and it feels like I cant breath. I am ashamed of the human race most of the time, and find very little, or very few positive things to sat about us. Most people annoy me, even family. For example, my sister is married to a man I hate, who treats her badly, and my parents badly, his behaviour has wore off on my sister and her behaviour is now horrid towards our parents. Rather than trying to help her and talk to her, I have simply just cut her off, and now haven't spoke to her in 2 years...the sad part...I don't care. Rather than seeing my sister, all I see is yet another failure and disappointment of a human being.
What brings me to buddhism? My wife is convinced there is a good person in me due to my respect and unconditional love for the planet and its animals, so she, even though a devout Catholic, asked me to look into it (yes I sometimes wonder if she is an angel lol). I have always admired HHDL as he is who I wish I could be, but know I could never be compassionate to those fuelled with so much hate and disrespect for the planet.
Maybe buddhism can't help me, maybe it can, but I have know idea how to love and respect a species such as us, when I spend most of my time apologizing to other species of the barbaric treatment we have inflicted upon them.
I often think those who inflict such tragic actions upon sentiment being, will reborn as one and will discover what it was like in their shoes..
If anyone can offer any words of wisdom or advice on how someone like me can put hate behind them, and move forward I would appreciate it. Is it as simply doing one skilful act a day and slowly every week adding another? How should I deal with hateful thoughts that creep into my mind... For example, the news story the other day told a story of a boy killing a dog with a bow and arrow...instantly negative thoughts entered my mind, thoughts of hatred, and rage and contempt, how does someone like me stop these thoughts, and more importantly, why should someone like that deserve positive thoughts??
I hope I am not a lost cause...and hope someone can shed some light on how i can even begin to move forward.
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Comments
I would say kriya yoga but also visit a zen center the teacher and sangha will offer support in such a manner the Internet cannot.
Fill yourself with positive things obviously television isn't very positive. Start a greenhouse they can be made fairly cheap with pcb and polycarbonite to cover then one of the easiest ways to grow is hydroponically.
Listen to moving still water by Ajahn chah
Mindful practice is the only practice.
Not only that, you're giving those you hate 'headspace'; in a real sense you're letting them control your happiness. Overcoming your hatred for others isn't some fluffy 'Buddhist' ideal 'cos we all like to hold hands and sing songs, it can feel like it's manning up and taking control of ourselves, rather than being controlled by others.
From my own experience, I only became willing to change in a positive sense when the way I was caused me enough pain; I am lucky enough to be an alcoholic so for me it was change or die. I chose change and it's a life long practise (I'm speaking for myself here; there could be a couple of Buddha's on this site for all I know!!
Anyway, Buddhism offers lots of advice in this area; I'd suggest you start with some internet reading or Ajahn Brahm's talks are very popular.
Here's an example:
There's 100's of them though!
Good luck.
Also, I feel as if you focus a lot on the negative when there is no need to. Yes, there is a lot of bad in the world. Poverty, famine, animal cruelty, etc. These, unfortunately, are a part of the world we live in and, as sad as it is, we probably will not save it in our lifetime. What we can do, however, is know that there is good in the world. Whether small or great. And with these shreds of goodness, we can work to build for a better tomorrow.
If you don't have high hopes for humans to "evolve" out of our ways, or if you don't have expectations of how humans "should" act, then there's no conflict between their actions and your mind.
That's not to say that a boy killing a dog with a bow and arrow for fun is a good thing or that you shouldn't care. I guess it's more about focusing on your own ability to act compassionately and what actions you can take in your own life to change the suffering that you see, rather than focusing on how others are not doing that.
This angry mind does not come natural to people. Someone taught you to be this way, or something that happened in your life.
First, I'd say that the reason you have such feelings is because you are so immersed in it. There is a lot of the good in the world. But you have immersed yourself in a dark area too much of the time. It is terrific to help the animals, of course. But you have to do other things as well, explore other areas of the world to find the light corners as well as the dark. It's out there, every day. I avoid network news much of the time and started reading things like happynews.com. When you get in a routine of it, it helps. We're surrounded by negativity because that is what is fed to us. That doesn't mean that is all there is, by any means.
Second, I would say you are lucky to have the feelings you do. Because you have such deep feelings of compassion for animals, you know the root of compassion is already there. You "simply" have to learn how to expand it. Some people have to start much lower than that.
You have to start somewhere, and meditation daily is a good place to start. Even just a few minutes a day until you work up to longer periods.
Then you take the love and compassion you feel for animals, and you bring it up in yourself. Feel it deeply. Then you choose someone you are close to, a person, who you love, and you work to expand that deep love and compassion to them. That is generally pretty easy, we usually feel love for parents, children, spouse, whatever. When you have a good grasp of that, you move on. Next from someone you love, you expand that feeling to someone you just like, a coworker, a teacher from school, or whatever. And you expand that compassion and love to them, until you feel it more strongly, as close as possible to the love you feel for your wife and animals. You just keep going down the chain and eventually start to include the people you hate so much. It's a hard practice, and it takes a while to get to that point, months and years sometimes. But then you start to see that those you hate, are the way they are because of how much suffering is in their lives, and even though you never, ever condone their choice in actions, you can start to feel compassion for the suffering they experience, and you start to hope they find better for themselves.
But don't start with hate. Start with love for you, your wife, the animals, and expand on it. If you go to focus on those you hate, you will only get frustrated. And add some light to your life. It's out there. We just have to find it and remember to see it. Stop and smell the roses, so to speak. I see a lot of ugliness in the world too. But I just try focus on the beautiful instead. The more you focus on it, the more you will see it. Just as you have found with the ugliness. You focus on it, so that is what you see.
Even in activism....keep a little piece of compassion in your
heart for the 'other' person. They must feel very hurt and
disconnected inside.
Don't be againest something.....be for something.
The feeling of helplessness can fester into anger...a wise
man on this very forum once taught me that, instead of
thinking..."Oh...I can't help", think..."IT can't be helped".
It helps release the fear/guilt/hopelessness about alot
of situations,human or otherwise, that you can't do anything about.
Sorry...I didn't say Hi on your intro thread....Hi!
may all beings benefit :wave:
I have recommended this on a hundred threads so far, so why not another one: the book, Peace is Every Step by Thich Nhat Hanh. I also recommend the film The Buddha (which I think is on Netflix or you can get for free at your local library), which will nicely show the story of how the Buddha came to be and what Buddhism is about, in a nutshell. At this stage, you should surround yourself with teachings about peace and compassion, and don't be concerned about the seemingly infinite number of "types" of Buddhist practices (it can get confusing and you will work all of that out in time, no need to rush). If you are going to go to check out a temple or center, you might start with a non-sectarian center so as to keep it simple, but that's completely up to you.
As far as practicing compassion, I might suggest starting with young children. I work with toddlers, and they really love animals and haven't had enough time to develop a lot of fear, hatred, and neurosis. It might be helpful for you to start there and see how people are before they develop the ugly behaviors. If there was some way that you could bring an animal into a preschool setting, and allow it to be an educational experience, I think you'd be surprised at how beautiful these small people respond to animals once they are shown the right way to see things. I think it could be a therapeutic experience for you, to help you see that people really aren't inherently bad-- they aren't born that way (with possible rare exception). This might allow you to find compassion for older people, knowing that things have happened to them that have influenced them in ways that they aren't able to control (or don't know how to). Anyway, that's just one idea that might help you connect with people again.
And don't forget to work a meditation practice into EVERY DAY!
Do not say that I'll depart tomorrow
because even today I still arrive.
Look deeply: I arrive in every second
to be a bud on a spring branch,
to be a tiny bird, with wings still fragile,
learning to sing in my new nest,
to be a caterpillar in the heart of a flower,
to be a jewel hiding itself in a stone.
I still arrive, in order to laugh and to cry,
in order to fear and to hope.
The rhythm of my heart is the birth and
death of all that are alive.
I am the mayfly metamorphosing on the surface of the river,
and I am the bird which, when spring comes, arrives in time
to eat the mayfly.
I am the frog swimming happily in the clear pond,
and I am also the grass-snake who, approaching in silence,
feeds itself on the frog.
I am the child in Uganda, all skin and bones,
my legs as thin as bamboo sticks,
and I am the arms merchant, selling deadly weapons to
Uganda.
I am the twelve-year-old girl, refugee on a small boat,
who throws herself into the ocean after being raped by a sea
pirate,
and I am the pirate, my heart not yet capable of seeing and
loving.
I am a member of the politburo, with plenty of power in my
hands,
and I am the man who has to pay his "debt of blood" to, my
people,
dying slowly in a forced labor camp.
My joy is like spring, so warm it makes flowers bloom in all
walks of life.
My pain is like a river of tears, so full it fills the four oceans.
Please call me by my true names,
so I can hear all my cries and laughs at once,
so I can see that my joy and pain are one.
Please call me by my true names,
so I can wake up,
and so the door of my heart can be left open,
the door of compassion.
Thich Nhat Hanh
http://blog.tsemtulku.com/tsem-tulku-rinpoche/inspiration-worthy-words/avoidance.html
Here is an excerpt:
When you create the karma not to like or avoid others, then it only increases our propensity not to like others more in the future. As our propensity not to like others is triggered, in the future, more and more we become easily frustrated with people. Our trigger points also increases. That would add to the tally of how many people we will not like as time goes on. The number of people we dislike will only increase in time leaving us alone, unhappy, angersome or bitter. Projects also go unfulfilled as a result. Everyone is not good enough and unattractive we start to believe creating more anger. Anger is a clear sign we are thinking the wrong way. If the way we think is correct, we would be at peace, do our responsibilities and progress wouldn’t we? That is a state a mind we deserve as we created this situation. So if we avoid responsibilities because we don’t like certain people, then the amount of people we will not like will only rise and increase. See for yourself. See your own track record and see the many examples out there. As you get older, do you like others more or less? Your anger will increase also is a given. Your anger to stop you from doing more will increase. Your justifications will increase to cover the anger. You will look for avenues of escape also more and more so when there is no escape. Whatever country you go trekking in, or planet you travel to or dimension you tele-transport into, you will experience the same results as karmic habituations are very loyal unfortunately. Karmic results are the only thing we cannot leave behind when we travel, visit another place or pass away. Then you have to avoid more people or situations as time goes on because you have kept your anger. It’s nice to be away and be surrounded by nice waiters, nice hotel staff, nice tour guides etc…but that is delusionary. They are not nice to you, but to the business you bring them. People will be nice to you for monetary reasons everywhere even at home, so why not just deal with the anger and move forward at home first. If you overcome the anger, they will like you for more than your monetary gifts. How satisfying would that be? - See more at: http://blog.tsemtulku.com/tsem-tulku-rinpoche/inspiration-worthy-words/avoidance.html
I am trying to squash my hatred and anger. I don't know if this is a "good start" or not, but at work to guys who i work with started talking about their up coming hunting trip....rather than listening and slowly becoming rage filled at their existence, I instantly removed myself, i walked outside, and watched the winter birds scavenging for food. This led me to sharing some of my bread from my sandwich with them, ultimately i felt a lot better...
I thank you all for taking the time to talk with me here!
It sounds patronising but really and truly, every step one of us makes, we all share. :clap:
If we set a time at the end of the day to honestly examine our own actions we will eventually begin to realize that we suffer from the very same conditioning and have our own habitual patterns that are actually quite sticky and keeps reoccurring in our lives. In this way we can start to learn to share in the suffering of others as brothers and sisters, and that is the dawning of compassion.
I remember a story where the Dalai Lama recalled when he asked a monk ,who had been imprisoned by the Chinese government, if he was in any danger, meaning physical harm, but the monk replied, “Yes, I was in danger of loosing my compassion for the Chinese.”