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is this really about what we wear?
It`s been already longer time when I try to deal with this question. To say it honestly, the situation is like this: I am a young woman, before-few moths ago- I was really focused on my spiritual life (for many years already) and practice. It was a very happy life and I felt peace and harmony in my heart. When I went out, I always focused on nature, walk slowly, smile and don`t care much about serrounding. I used to wear only some simply clothes- modest and not very feminine. I was happy because in fact I didn`t need anything, just satisfied with what I had.
However, last months ,I don`t know exactly why, my mind has changed. I started to want to look more and more feminine, I let my hair grow longer, care more about clothes I wear, sometimes even put some makeup,and so on. Though I feel good and confident with the way I look now, but my heart is not peaceful. I often care about some stupid things, I use too much time thinking about how do I look now, how do people see me. I realized that I became more attached to my look than I thought! I don`t like that it influence my spiritual practice.
Sometimes I think I want to gave my clothes for my sister and come back to my minimalistic happy and free lifestyle. But sometimes I also think- I am young, maybe I should enjoy it for a while before I grow old? Is is really about the clothes?
Maybe you have some thougths on it?
However, last months ,I don`t know exactly why, my mind has changed. I started to want to look more and more feminine, I let my hair grow longer, care more about clothes I wear, sometimes even put some makeup,and so on. Though I feel good and confident with the way I look now, but my heart is not peaceful. I often care about some stupid things, I use too much time thinking about how do I look now, how do people see me. I realized that I became more attached to my look than I thought! I don`t like that it influence my spiritual practice.
Sometimes I think I want to gave my clothes for my sister and come back to my minimalistic happy and free lifestyle. But sometimes I also think- I am young, maybe I should enjoy it for a while before I grow old? Is is really about the clothes?
Maybe you have some thougths on it?
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Comments
Some days you may want to wear makeup, some days you may not. In my opinion, in the grand scheme of things, so long as you aren't causing harm to others or yourself there's nothing wrong with occasionally having the urge to wear something nice.
It only really becomes a problem if you can't let go of the nice things...
He was keen to remind us that being a hippie was not the aim of Buddha Dharma.
Oh well.
So he required us on occasion to hire tux's.
He realised that we had merely created another way of conforming.
But anyways, like you, I've noticed that the more effort I put into it... the more I care about it. The more frequently I wear make-up, the less comfortable I feel without it. I don't necessarily have the answer here, but I do know that I frequently force myself to go out without make-up on just to keep myself from getting too obsessed. Woman beauty culture is so crazy, with all of the products and standards of beauty that are constantly being pushed on us. I mean, come on, who thought it was a good idea to make women walk on stilts? Why is that the norm for a sexy woman? It really is quite disturbing when you pay attention to it. It's disturbing that in the past, at jobs where I wouldn't typically wear make-up, if I was to wear it one day, men and women alike would suddenly gush to tell me how great I looked. It's the little things like these that teach us what is expected of us. I still rebel against this notion, but sometimes I also give in. I think the key is just being aware of it.
I think, on some level, what you might be rebelling against is the attention. You may have found that wearing make-up and dressing nice earns you more attention when you go out. This is attractive, but it can also be more complicated. Sometimes it is easier to dress and look plain and just slip under the radar of not having to worry.
Ultimately, I don't think the issue is just about the clothes or the make-up themselves, but rather, the way that the clothes and the make-up change the way you interact with your environment. At least, this is how it seems to me. It may also be about the way you feel when you're dressed up. Is feeling confident and sexy just feeding the ego? Maybe. I think only you can really answer these questions for yourself because the answer is going to vary from woman to woman. The best place to start is to observe how you feel dressed up vs. plain. What is it that you find attractive about dressing up and is it worth the new found burden? Imo, make-up becomes an issue when you start to feel bad about yourself without it.
My teacher would be pointed out and laughed at for his strange appearance on occasion.
Let me put it like this: would you put make up on the Buddha, depict him as a woman and get him to wear a sari?
I would.
You are not your femininity, maleness or your dress.
Be radiant. Be Buddha. Have fun.
:clap:
He knew that in terms of dress, food , and general lifestyle we were building an alternative self identity instead of seeing the limits of self identity.
See his book " Cutting Through Spiritual Materialism ".
What you're doing is called "checking" by Master Seung Sahn, as in you are carrying around a list of what enlightened people do or don't do, and checking off the items on the list and counting the number of times you missed the mark. Checking is a mistake.
If you feel like dressing up a bit, then do it and then get on with your day. If you feel like throwing on a sweatsuit and not putting on makeup today, then do that and get on with your day. In either case, what you do or don't wear is not important. Enjoying dressing up a bit or not enjoying it isn't important. The mistake is to then lecture yourself later on about how attached you must be to outward appearances and how dressing up a bit making you happy isn't very enlightened. Big mistake, checking. You could just as well lecture yourself about how deliberately avoiding makeup and nice clothes is focusing on appearance when a true enlightened mind has nothing to do with how you look, good or bad.
Just do it, whatever it is, and then put it aside and get on with what you're doing next. Don't spend your day checking your past actions to see if they meet some inner checklist of what an enlightened mind should have done. You're following the Middle Way, so no rule says you can't do something just because you enjoy doing it. You'll know when that becomes a problem. Trust yourself a bit.
If the situation calls for dressing up, then dress up. If it calls for dressing down, then dress down. Simple.
Most "Hippies" dressed the way they did to separate themselves from The Establishment, AKA; "The Suits", "The Man", the Authority figures of the time... not to necessarily be individualistic amongst themselves. Although there was still plenty of room for that, as well, if one chose to go really wild...
Do you really believe they were so dumb as to not notice that THEY were all pretty much dressing the same (as a general group)?
It was also a way to identify those of a like mind - socially and politically. Their mode of dress was an outward sign of solidarity within a movement- a movement with (admittedly) several agendas and levels of "out there" - but a movement nonetheless.
In my opinion, it was foolish of Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche to make an issue out of the way US "hippies" dressed, especially since he misunderstood the significance, but also because as @Dakini said, it is irrelevant to practice and understanding.
If you feel it has become a problem, why do you feel that way? You can be a compassionate person, a spiritual person, a balanced and whole person even in nice clothes and makeup and done-up hair. It's still about what is within you that truly matters. If you can no longer see what is within you because of what is on the outside, why not?
My mom is one of the most spiritual people I know these days. But she's also one of the "highest maintenance" as well. While I will go to the grocery store in my velour yoga pants, my mom won't even pump gas without makeup on, lol. It is just what works for her, and because it is not a problem for her, it is not a problem for anyone.
What you wear (whether on your face or body) has little to do with your ability to practice. But for some reason you seem to think it does and only you can discover why that is. Perhaps you attached too much of your spiritual side to your lack of wearing certain things and now you feel like you lost it. Maybe you could try getting up earlier so you can practice, walk, maintain the simpler side of yourself before you dress up for the day, and then after work or whatever, dress down again. So that you can enjoy both parts of yourself. It's ok to do that.
For the first few years after he founded Samye Ling monastery in Scotland the retreatants were about 95% hippie.
When he moved to the US that trend continued in Tail Of The Tiger and Karma Dzong his American centres at that time.
He wanted to make the point that being orientated towards the establishment or being anti establishment were just two alternatives. That real freedom in social terms was in being able to move effortlessly between all positions and identify with none.
Hence the formal balls and suits and dresses. This was only occasional btw. Most people still attended teachings most of the time in jeans and tees.
He never allowed us to settle down to a comfortable fixed routine, that is typical of many Vajrayana teachers.