Regrets etc

ThailandTom

If you knew that at the end of this day you were going to die for whatever reason, would you feel as if you have spent your time wisely in life, would you have any regrets? I guess this something that cannot be answered totally honestly until you are in that situation though.

caz

I would wish to have devoted my time to Dharma.

zombiegirl

Nah, not really. What's the point in regretting now? Bit late...

I would just be happy that I'd have enough time to say goodbye and give all of my money and things away to people who could use them.

Wisdom23

Yes but no. i feel i am on the verge of discovering my dharma, my purpose in life if you will. Whilst it has been there all along when i totally understand it i can give myself whole heartedly to it. I have also had a lot of hurdles to jump over in my life, well so my parents keep telling me. i have always get my head down and pushed on through but now reflecting on it i see their point. Now i somehow feel i have concered them, touch wood.

I feel my dharma is to help others. I think sometimes i dont realise how much i am actually benefiting others lol. Many stories to tell to reflect this point but i wont bore you.

All the best dude.

karasti

I don't think there is any point in regret. It is just more looking into the past. Instead of waiting until you die, investigate it when you go to bed at night and make changes to avoid the same regrets the following day.
Have I done every thing, every word, every action, every choice 100% the way I wish I would have? LOL goodness, of course not. But if I had I would have nothing to learn and I wouldn't be here.
The only thing I would say I regret is holding a lot of anger towards my kid's father. I wish I had had the chance to get over that anger and tell him what I really thought of the person he was before he died. But he was always good for teaching me lessons, and I learned that one well. I don't miss a single opportunity that I can find to tell someone what I think of them as a person and that I care for them, even if I greatly disagree with some of their choices. Because once you lose the chance to reconcile that, it takes a long time to get over it. I looked back on it for a long time, which was just a waste of the time I could have spent doing other things.

TheEccentric

I would regret having ever let anyone drag my spirit down.

chela

If you spent your last dying moments regretting the past, that is a very sad way to go. Why not fully live those last moments by being present? After all, if you are thinking about the past, you may as well have already died since you're not actually "living" (which is something you do fully in the present) anyway.

Zero

I'd like to think not.
Then again, I've trained in martial arts for years and as a practical joke someone jumped out of the dark at me and I screamed and froze...
I'd like to think I'd face death with a little more dignity.

Hotei

Yes i would. Havent done much living yet.

music

ThailandTom said:

If you knew that at the end of this day you were going to die for whatever reason, would you feel as if you have spent your time wisely in life, would you have any regrets? I guess this something that cannot be answered totally honestly until you are in that situation though.

Except for the privileged class, most of us poor mortals are going to feel the sting of regret and sorrow. It is inevitable.

Tosh

I have quite a few regrets; mostly about harming other folk in the past. My kids, my ex-wife, my mother. A few career regrets also.

A.A. teaches that we shouldn't have regrets and that we should use our past to help others; we try and get other alcoholics to identify with us by sharing our past with them.

Still, I have regrets, but I use this to try and motivate myself to live a better way. I don't think having regrets is bad if we can transform it into something positive, though I think guilt is extremely damaging and is of no use.

TreeLuvr87

I would regret putting meditation on my to-do list as a chore, and getting upset when it didn't get checked off. I'd probably regret the time I spent writing so many lists in the first place. I've been seeing more and more how life can be lived more fully in each moment, regardless of what's on my to-do list.

I seem to meditate a lot more when it's not on "the list." And the other stuff on the list gets done whenever it gets done. So much time worrying about it.

karasti

@music you think privileged people don't feel regret?

vinlyn

Tosh said:

I have quite a few regrets; mostly about harming other folk in the past. My kids, my ex-wife, my mother. A few career regrets also.

A.A. teaches that we shouldn't have regrets and that we should use our past to help others; we try and get other alcoholics to identify with us by sharing our past with them.

Still, I have regrets, but I use this to try and motivate myself to live a better way. I don't think having regrets is bad if we can transform it into something positive, though I think guilt is extremely damaging and is of no use.

From my perspective, the most realistic post so far on the thread.

Yes, I have a few (although very few) big regrets. I don't dwell on them since I cannot change them now...and if I could, I already would have.

vinlyn

karasti said:

@music you think privileged people don't feel regret?

I agree. The fact that you have or don't have money or power, probably has little to do with whether or not you have regrets.

lamaramadingdong

I once heard an interview with a woman that was well into her 90's. The interviewer asked her if she had any regrets. She said that she had one- "If I'd known I was going to live this long I would have bought a better mattress."
I'd say she had a life well-lived.

cvalue

Do not regret the past, what we did was already done! We can't go back to the past but we can start anew. All of us who live in this life had created bad karma. What we can do now is to try to do as many good deeds as we can from now on. Pray if we know how to. And, most important of all is to let go of all feelings to restore our inner peace. Achieving a pure heart should be our ultimate goal as a buddhist.

Jeffrey

I would have regrets over things where I was an idiot such as with women, but I know that I didn't know any better at that time. Even if I could go back in time knowing what I know now to when I was 15 I would still screw something or other up.

Lee82

No, I wouldn't have any regrets. There's no point in them anyway.

I always make sure the people I love and care about know that I love them and care about them. I have no secrets in my life, everyone knows where they stand with me. If I die tomorrow there will be nothing left undone and nothing left unsaid. Yes there are still things I would like to do with my life but if my time comes then the only reason I didn't get round to doing those things is that I died too young.

black_tea

I have plenty of regrets. I know that people like to fling around mottos like 'live with no regrets!' and things of that nature. However, it's awfully hard to get through life without making mistakes including some of the more far reaching variety. Saying I regret something means that I feel like I made a big mistake, something that in hindsight I would strongly not want to do again. That doesn't mean people should beat themselves up over these things -- that's not healthy or useful, but I would be lying if I said there weren't things I wish I had done differently.

@music, people of all social economic statuses are quite capable of feeling regret. We all have to make choices, we all have relationships with others. Money makes certain things easier, but it doesn't guarantee that everything in life is going to be a smooth ride.

DaftChris

My regret is that I was not always a nice, compassionate person. In middle and the beginning of High school (and still now at times, unfortunately) I was a very mean, hateful person. In the process of being so, I hurt a few people and more than likely damaged a couple of relationships.

Although I wish I could go back and start again with the knowledge I know now, the only thing I can do is keep living my life with what I do know and hope to be a better person.

ThailandTom

To be honest as much as I would like to think I have let go of everything that is negative or positive in my past, I am sure when the time comes, if I have time to contemplate it, I will have regrets of some kind. I understand it is utterly pointless in having regrets and in my daily life I regret very little or sorrow over loss. My apple mac and 2k that got stolen, I barely cared about that, I did what I could with regards to informing the police but I knew I wasn't going to see it again and even laughed about it. This may be because I got spiked though lol..

Anyway, I agree with @music, as much as most of us say we won't regret this or that, I am sure most of us will have some when that faithful day comes, you would have to be quite advanced when it comes to insight and the dharma to not worry or have regrets about such a thing. As I mentioned in my OP, it is easy to say this or that now but we won't know fully until the day comes.

riverflow

I might say, right now (NOT being on my deathbed or anything like that--not that I am aware of anyway!)-- right now, I could easily say I have had lots of regrets, things I would have rather done differently with my life. But really that's just me moaning and groaning.

But if I really were in that situation, I would probably be too preoccupied with other thoughts than feeling sorry for myself--if I *knew* I was about to die, I would have some important phone calls to make to say some goodbyes and to thank them for being in my life and for all the things they taught me (really, I'm not just spouting platitudes here). I'd be writing letters, emails, making phone calls, and, perhaps talking to some people face to face.

Yes, there are regrets, but what I have to be thankful for so far outweighs any of that. I would rather devote those last hours to expressing gratitude rather than regret.

karasti

I am currently regretting that just before lunch today I decided I would paint my bedroom as a project, since my husband is gone until Thursday. Now I am hoping there is a bed for him to sleep in when he gets home, I'll be joining the dog on the sofa tonight because the bed is piled with the stuff I had to move, and covered with painting sheets :P Now my back and operated-on knee are aching and I have like 4 hours of painting to do tonight and another 6 hours tomorrow, LOL. Anyone wanna come help?

riverflow

riverflow said:

Yes, there are regrets, but what I have to be thankful for so far outweighs any of that. I would rather devote those last hours to expressing gratitude rather than regret.

To argue with myself: So why can't you have that gratitude outweigh regret right NOW then? Whether you die in 24 hours or another 24 years, you're still dying, right now. The time for gratitude is NOW, not on your deathbed, silly! What are you procrastinating for?