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Trust issues with the self?
Mateeah
Explorer
I find my ego piping and saying things like "whoa, whoa, whoa Mikayla, you are claiming you are everything when you are really just this body" and such. It seems although my ego is getting mad because I'm finding myself by not finding myself beyond ego - it's dying, obviously, it's not happy! How can I trust the true self? I feel as though I'm kidding myself with all this emptiness talk sometimes - i mean my ego is trying to convince me of this, any way! It still wants to be poor little me. I mean, what gives us the go-ahead to claim we are everything, the creator, the end?
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There is a phrase, 'not this, not this' (Neti, Neti) - it is the true self that trusts. What does it trust, does it trust the self? Neti, Neti
The True Self does not trust you. You can trust the True.
Does that make sense? Neti, Neti
:wave:
It's not necessarily something you need to eliminate, annihilate or destroy....
According to Thannisaro Bikkhu, though, it is not always so....
What gives the the go-ahead? I think it's our "selves," when we are ready.
Meditation is simply a process for removing the Ego's funding but since the ego thinks it's the only bank in town, is printing much of it's own money and is a consummate believer in it's own wealth, I'd pay little attention to these stories of it's approaching vulnerability.
These stories only says that it now sees your withdrawals as potentially threatening and as your practise continues, expect many more feints of an approaching foreclosure..
I find that trusting in the meditation process will take care of the trust issues for any theoretical self, whether true or false.
Trust the results.
. . . wait a minute, I am almost a Buddha . . . I feel a death scene coming . . .
This is some advise that may be able to help.
Sometimes the Buddhist path is compared to a map. On this map, you start at one place, travelling to another. This other place is a strange land of big mountains, rivers and beautiful peaceful forests. But you lived in a crowded and busy city your entire life, so that's all you know.
The map shows both the city and the mountains, but because you never left the city and have never seen mountains. So how can you get faith that the mountains are real, that the map is telling the truth? You start out by checking if the map is correct in your hometown. If it's correct there, showing your house at the right street and such, you gain trust that it'll be correct about the mountains as well.
What you are asking here is to have trust in deep teachings. But this trust arises from practicing where you are now. Does doing the practice of virtue and meditation give you peace and understanding right now? If it does, it'll generate trust in the deeper teachings. This trust can increase slowly or suddenly, that is not up to you. But if you keep practicing, it can't really decrease.
So we could give you all kinds of descriptions of what to do, but we don't know where you are in your journey to the mountains. If we say, go left after the pine tree, you may take a left after another pine tree and get lost.
I can say, to trust true self, give it up first. But what good will it do if we are talking about another tree? I hope you understand. In short, you gain trust through doing the practice, at the point where you are, and see its results.
With metta,
Sabre
Is this to say the truth won't trust you because this is to assume the truth and trust is not what you already are?
I take refuge in the Buddha.
I take refuge in the Dharma.
I take refuge in the Sangha.
These are absolutes. Ideals. They are jewels. They are within us.
Hope that makes sense.
I think that at the basic level of all this, what you are describing is doubt (vicikiccha) lack of conviction or trust. More specifically self identity view " the notion that we have a fixed personality, that we cannot really change, even that we are fated to be what we are" . The fact that everything arises dependently makes this false. Through discernment
and wisdom, its fruition, we can gain certaintity and expel all doubt. No trust is needed.
I found this pdf file while I was looking for the proper terms to use. I think it is very helpful, especially investigation of the 8 doubts listed.
http://dharmafarer.org/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/32.8-Vicikiccha-piya.pdf
Massive difference between the two.
What do you consider a true self (Self)?
And it could also be your intelligence saying that "Self" isn't a final resting place either.
Discomfort is a good sign at times. It's a bullshit meter from our depths.