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Please help, dating sites to meet buddhists...
So I have brought this up before in the past..not something Im "proud" of but you guys have always been very kind to me. Ive been single for 3 years. Been sticking it out with match.com this whole time and a few other sites.
Nothing has worked for me and I would be here for a long time if I were to go into details.
I am tired of being alone in terms of a romantic relationship. Ive tried dharma dating and buddhistdating.com but theres no one within my miles radius Im willing to travel, due to gas prices.
Match.com seems to be the king of these online dating sites. I get about 200 views every month or so, but most people live in the DC area (im in VA) but thats a distance issue and from my experience these are people who are government types who are very "worldly" and very much the opposite of "who" I am and what I want.
very VERY rarely will I find someone who is interested in buddhism or a new age spiritual \ hippie kind of girl and these few times ive found one they were already interested in someone else.
Im not sure what to ask here....
Has anyone here being a buddhist ever used match.com and been successful?
has anyone here ever used a mantra and had luck (such as aham prema? "i am divine love")??
I really wish new buddhist had a section for online dating because I honestly believe that would help.
Ive been feeling pretty depressed lately.
Any advice or help would be much appreciated
Namaste
_/\_
Nothing has worked for me and I would be here for a long time if I were to go into details.
I am tired of being alone in terms of a romantic relationship. Ive tried dharma dating and buddhistdating.com but theres no one within my miles radius Im willing to travel, due to gas prices.
Match.com seems to be the king of these online dating sites. I get about 200 views every month or so, but most people live in the DC area (im in VA) but thats a distance issue and from my experience these are people who are government types who are very "worldly" and very much the opposite of "who" I am and what I want.
very VERY rarely will I find someone who is interested in buddhism or a new age spiritual \ hippie kind of girl and these few times ive found one they were already interested in someone else.
Im not sure what to ask here....
Has anyone here being a buddhist ever used match.com and been successful?
has anyone here ever used a mantra and had luck (such as aham prema? "i am divine love")??
I really wish new buddhist had a section for online dating because I honestly believe that would help.
Ive been feeling pretty depressed lately.
Any advice or help would be much appreciated
Namaste
_/\_
0
Comments
So, I found that 3 things helped me land my ex (notice I say ex, so you may not want to listen) boyfriend: For example #1, I would make sure to find 3 things I was grateful for each day, if not more.
For example, with #2, every morning after I'd brush my teeth, I'd look into the mirror and get all Louise Hay on myself and say, It actually seemed to work. I had a very positive frame of mind back then. Why I stopped doing it? I'll never know. Should start it again, really.
Now, as for #3, that is the key. Believe it or not, you really can't have #3 work unless you are doing #2 and #1.
What I did was, I wrote out a list something akin to this (I'm just filling in random things, it's not the beginning of my actual list): (and the list would go on and on for about 3 pages)
I was very specific in my list and made sure never to use words like "not" or "isn't" or "doesn't" and so forth. Basically, no negative talk. For example, if you wanted a man who wasn't a drug dealer, you don't say, "I don't want a man who is a drug dealer" but rather, "I am so happy and grateful that my romantic partner is focused on his health, both emotionally and mentally, but also spiritually as well." That sorta thing.
Also, the more specific you are, the better. If you want a guy who is *ahem* proficient in bed, make sure to put that in there! Don't be shy-- it's your list. Ask for what you bests suits your lifestyle!
And don't put demands on the list either (i.e. I want to meet him within 3 months). You have to let it work itself out. I truly believe in it, because when I wrote mine, boy did I get what I asked for. And after I realized that he wasn't really *everything* I truly wanted in a man? I made some much needed edits, and found an even better guy whom I am still very close to (but we decided to just stay very close, good friends). At this point in my life, I really have no desire for a "romantic" relationship and the list has been tucked away into some old shoebox somewhere.
But it really does work. And I found it worked fast. Took a few months for the first guy, and as I was with him, the 2nd guy was already in my life but I didn't know it yet. I actually started to date him within a couple days of dumping my ex. And he was exactly what I asked for on the list as well. It's very strange. But I believe in it. I really do.
Oh, and make sure to read it every day. I usually read it every night before going to bed. And when you read it, the trick is to make sure you are feeling it and believing every word you wrote as you say it out loud. Oh, that's another thing I forgot to mention-- if you didn't notice, I wrote it in the present tense. You have to show gratitude and act as if he is already in your life. That is key. Don't write "I wish I could have a guy..." no no no. It must be present tense, such as what I wrote above.
Okay... it's obviously not an exact science and not really anything you can physically put into your hands and count on, but it's worth a shot as you try match.com and such. I haven't written a list since this last one I spoke about, but I believe in it so much that I'm actually going to try it again, but this time, focus on self-healing and positive growth (I don't find right now that anything else is worth "manifesting" into my life as much as that, personally, even though a "get out of debt" list would be nice to manifest as well
Good luck and let us know what happens.
Best to you!
A good book along these lines is Be Your Own Dating Service. It's written by a therapist who specialized in helping people find romantic partners, and it has other practical advice on good supports for coming up with a rational list of partner criteria, and ways to search once you've got the list.
There tend to be more crunchy-granola people on OKCupid.com. Someone told me recently that it's a hook-up site, but I met my wife on there.
Identify something -- maybe one or two -- that you are really interested in and then involve yourself in groups where you can express and enjoy that interest. If you are not in an area that allows you to join a Buddhist group, just set Buddhism to the side and find some other group. Hang out with the group. Have fun. Meet people. Find common ground on terms other than Buddhism. If you find someone with whom you are honestly compatible, chances are the person will be able to forgive/accept the Buddhism ... unless you are a wingnut on the topic: There is a difference between being serious and being solemn.
By finding more than one group, you give yourself a greater latitude and better odds.
It's the best I can think of at the moment.
Where you been going?
Are you putting all your eggs into the
online basket?
Might be fresh to change your scene for a
different kind of woman...I think.
Instead of looking on, how about looking in?
Right now you've got the suffering of being single. Once you get a partner, you get the suffering of being together... In the beginning it may be all roses and butterflies, but in the end it's not that much difference. You may get a relationship, but your mind doesn't change and the world won't change. Single people complain about being single, people in a relationship complain about their partners...
Sure, I can relate to the desire for a relationship and I don't say it's unhealthy. Some people may work better in a relationship, but at times it's good to be able to put things in perspective. I've been single for about 4 years now. I admit it's not always been easy, but to be honest overall I like it more than a relationship and it's still growing on me. If you can have a similar view on things, at least you'll not be tired of being alone anymore. Your depressed attitude will get less. Then if you still feel like dating, you can try to find a relationship with a more open attitude. I may work out, it may not, but at least in the meantime you are a happier person.
I hope you find what you are looking for. Which for me, is making peace with the place I'm in.
Good luck to you!
What have I been doing here all this time?
@ everybody else whose commented so far, I will highly take into consideration your imput.
@SillyPutty I do believe in the law of attraction, but also the law of karma...theres possible reasons to believe karma might have something to do with my issue. I am however interested in this book "the secret" you mentioned