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a few old jokes....
genkaku
Northampton, Mass. U.S.A. Veteran
...stolen, based on my dubious taste, from this site:
-- When I heard that oxygen and magnesium hooked up I was like OMg.
-- An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are walking down the street together. A juggler is performing on the street but there are so many people that the four men can't see the juggler. So the juggler goes on top of a platform and asks: "Can you see me now?" The four men answer: "Yes." "Oui." "Si." "Ja."
-- A student travelling on a train looks up and sees Einstein sitting next to him. Excited, he asks: "Excuse me, professor. Does Boston stop at this train?"
-- Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French café, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress: "I'd like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream." The waitress replies: "I'm sorry, Monsieur, but we're out of cream. How about with no milk?"
-- When I heard that oxygen and magnesium hooked up I was like OMg.
-- An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are walking down the street together. A juggler is performing on the street but there are so many people that the four men can't see the juggler. So the juggler goes on top of a platform and asks: "Can you see me now?" The four men answer: "Yes." "Oui." "Si." "Ja."
-- A student travelling on a train looks up and sees Einstein sitting next to him. Excited, he asks: "Excuse me, professor. Does Boston stop at this train?"
-- Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French café, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress: "I'd like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream." The waitress replies: "I'm sorry, Monsieur, but we're out of cream. How about with no milk?"
3
Comments
A man walks into an ice cream shop and orders a hot fudge and marshmallow sundae, "Without the crushed peanuts, please.".
The person behind the counters replies, "I'm sorry sir, but we're out of crushed peanuts - you'll have to have it without crushed pecans."
JC tees off and he slices it off into the woods. The ball hits a tree branch and bounces up out of the tree when a little bird flys out and grabs the ball in it's beak and flys over the fairway where it drops the ball in the middle of the fairway when just then a squirell comes running out and picks up the ball and runs it up right next to the green when an old woodchuck comes ambling out and kicks the ball up next to the hole where finally a little worm sticks it's head out of the ground and knocks the ball in for a hole in one.
Saint Peter turns to Jesus Christ and says, "Well, are ya gonna play golf or are ya gonna fuck around?".
The Zen Master is visiting New York City from Tibet. He goes up to ahot dog vendor and says, “Make me one with everything."The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen Master, who pays with a $20 bill.The vendor puts the bill in the cash box and closes it. “Where’s my change?” asks the Zen Master. The vendor responds, “Change must come from within.”
OR...
A Monk and Priest walked into a bar, but the Rabbi used the door.
OR...
A Monk and a Priest and a Rabbi walk into a bar. "Who left this bar sticking out over the sidewalk where someone can walk into it?" asked the Monk.