Doing Good & Being Compassionate

ThailandTom

I was thinking about something very random earlier on waking up (it seems I am getting random and productive ideas in semi conscious states either waking up or falling asleep. Anyway I remember seeing a video of a homeless guy who was trying to get money at an intersection as he had a radio voice, like really amazing (I will try to attach video). I think he eventually got a contract and was given a job, but I thought to myself if I had a radio business I would personally take him home, was him up, get him some new clothes, give him some money to get a bite to eat and a shave/hair cut and then we could try out some recordings.

This then lead me to think about myself, I could never do this at the moment because firstly I am not financially able to do such a thing but more importantly the severity of this social anxiety I have now is so much that often going to the store is a battle let alone volunteering and helping others. I feel bitter, unable to love often and I want to give back, i want to help others and to make a difference to people's lives. How can this be done from ones own home? I do not want to donate to faceless charities as we all know often they are not what they seem to be and the money doesn't always get where it needs to. So any ideas? oh by the way, come late Dec/Jan I am going to start getting therapy for this long over due issue, just need to save up. Here is the video of that guy.

Here homeless


Here the after story

ThailandTom

Just wondering why nobody has given any advice? Is it that my opinions span so far that compassion is not even a possibility lol? Seriously, take a look in the mirror if this is the case. This post was a honest and genuine thought/action.

mindatrisk

Your computer and internet connection gives you access to millions of lives all around the world. Find an internet forum for vulnerable people and share your compassion there. There's lots you can do online if you are restricted.

ThailandTom

I have tried, for the past 3-4 years this pace has been the most compassionate but now it is just made up mainly of far left wing fuck ups, so I dunno what to do. (I do not consider myself left or right), just so you know.

robot

ThailandTom said:

I have tried, for the past 3-4 years this pace has been the most compassionate but now it is just made up mainly of far left wing fuck ups, so I dunno what to do. (I do not consider myself left or right), just so you know.

By this place do you mean NB?

ThailandTom

Where else would I mean?

robot

ThailandTom said:

Where else would I mean?

That's what I thought. But I wanted to be sure before I reminded you that people here have been good to you. Coddled you even, during your many fuck ups. You have received more patience and care here than your cries for attention would have gotten you almost any where else that I know of.
Why shit in the nest now?

vinlyn

My guess is that the reason people often turn to giving to charities is that when they do things one-on-one they are so often disappointed. I had relatives that no matter how many times they got drunk and went on the wagon, they still continued for most of their lives to fall of the wagon and start the cycle over and over and over again. I've had friends and associates who couldn't stay off drugs...over and over again. Or with mental illnesses that -- over time -- never really improve or are constantly up or down. I have several friends who volunteer at a local soup kitchen. I've asked them if they see many success stories, and the answer is rarely...more often the guys continue for years to come in messed up, often ending up in jail or prison or even dead. So when we turn to charities and give money, it's often because we don't want to keep getting burned with the personal touch.

And there are other reasons. We may give to some medical-related charities because they do research. Or other charities that are located away from us.

If you were in Bangkok, I would suggest you look into one or two of the charities that work with the poor in Klong Toey -- the old port area. It's the only part of Bangkok that I never ventured into, but it's apparently the most squalid place in all of Thailand. I couldn't even convince any of my Thai friends to take me there!

But I will tell you one thing that I did when living in Thailand. When I would see the poor begging, I would often give coins. But sometimes, I would instead go buy them some bottle water or street food. And, if they spoke English, I would spend a few minutes talking with them.

ThailandTom

Maybe I am blind to this? I do not know.. If so then well thank you very much and I appreciate your patience. If that is true then what does that say about me... ? I have no idea.

There have been a couple of people who have really hammered things home, one of which is banned now, but yea I thought this place was fully understanding and all encompassing, but after 3 years I dunno, things have changed in those 3 years. This site has changed and yes change is inevitable but I dunno.

ThailandTom

vinlyn said:

My guess is that the reason people often turn to giving to charities is that when they do things one-on-one they are so often disappointed. I had relatives that no matter how many times they got drunk and went on the wagon, they still continued for most of their lives to fall of the wagon and start the cycle over and over and over again. I've had friends and associates who couldn't stay off drugs...over and over again. Or with mental illnesses that -- over time -- never really improve or are constantly up or down. I have several friends who volunteer at a local soup kitchen. I've asked them if they see many success stories, and the answer is rarely...more often the guys continue for years to come in messed up, often ending up in jail or prison or even dead. So when we turn to charities and give money, it's often because we don't want to keep getting burned with the personal touch.

And there are other reasons. We may give to some medical-related charities because they do research. Or other charities that are located away from us.

If you were in Bangkok, I would suggest you look into one or two of the charities that work with the poor in Klong Toey -- the old port area. It's the only part of Bangkok that I never ventured into, but it's apparently the most squalid place in all of Thailand. I couldn't even convince any of my Thai friends to take me there!

But I will tell you one thing that I did when living in Thailand. When I would see the poor begging, I would often give coins. But sometimes, I would instead go buy them some bottle water or street food. And, if they spoke English, I would spend a few minutes talking with them.

Yabba is now more of an issue than when you were probably last here. I only give money to those who I think need money, the others I give food or drink, but again, any ways to help others from the comfort of the home?

Vastmind

As for his latest project, “Houseless,” Ted told Billy and Kit it shows “the real side of homelessness.”

He also offered up an alternative to money that people wanting help those in need can give.

“Socks work like money,” he explained.

Find out more information on “Houseless” and Ted’s other efforts to help the homeless.

---http://www.accesshollywood.com/golden-voice-ted-williams-where-is-he-now_article_84326

Tosh

One of the main reasons I love A.A. is that it's a great place to learn how to get well (and overcome stuff like social anxiety), get well, then help others get well and recover. It's the reason why I call myself a 'recovered alcoholic' rather than a 'Buddhist'; I feel the alcoholic label is more useful to others.

I'm always sponsoring at least one guy through the 12 Steps, and if I'm not, I'm getting to more meetings to find another. Mrs Tosh - who meets the guys I sponsor because I bring them to my home - supports me in this; as long as I think they're safe, she's fine. We even had one over for Christmas dinner since this poor chap had absolutely no-one in his life.

I love watching the change in someone, watching the lights come back on. And I've made some great life-long friends too. And what's absolutely amazing is when I see someone I've helped, helping another new alkie. It always brings a lump to my throat.

We've had a lot of newcomers recently at my A.A. homegroup; much more than usual; we're all really busy and it's great.

I feel really lucky to be an alcoholic.

Jeffrey

vinlyn said:

My guess is that the reason people often turn to giving to charities is that when they do things one-on-one they are so often disappointed. I had relatives that no matter how many times they got drunk and went on the wagon, they still continued for most of their lives to fall of the wagon and start the cycle over and over and over again. I've had friends and associates who couldn't stay off drugs...over and over again. Or with mental illnesses that -- over time -- never really improve or are constantly up or down. I have several friends who volunteer at a local soup kitchen. I've asked them if they see many success stories, and the answer is rarely...more often the guys continue for years to come in messed up, often ending up in jail or prison or even dead. So when we turn to charities and give money, it's often because we don't want to keep getting burned with the personal touch.

And there are other reasons. We may give to some medical-related charities because they do research. Or other charities that are located away from us.

If you were in Bangkok, I would suggest you look into one or two of the charities that work with the poor in Klong Toey -- the old port area. It's the only part of Bangkok that I never ventured into, but it's apparently the most squalid place in all of Thailand. I couldn't even convince any of my Thai friends to take me there!

But I will tell you one thing that I did when living in Thailand. When I would see the poor begging, I would often give coins. But sometimes, I would instead go buy them some bottle water or street food. And, if they spoke English, I would spend a few minutes talking with them.

@vinlyn, not sure why you mentioned alcoholics falling off the wagon and mentally ill people. It makes it sound like the mentally ill have a possibility of being cured. I don't know this is the same with all illnesses but my doctor told me there is no chance of curing my illness. I could see having them in the same sentence if someone was refusing psychiatric treatment/meds, or a psychologist/counselor. But other than that most of the major illnesses such as general anxiety disorder, major depression, and schizophrenia there is only a possibility of a better life (meds etc) but not a chance of curing and going off meds. So say my mom for example is majorly depressed. Her medicine is effective and she is out of the hell of depression. But she still has a touch of depression not to mention side effects. My illness I had the conviction to take a boatload of medicine and I am sooo much better, but I still have voices and I feel drugged. It's the price I pay for no paranoia about my friens, family, and people at the grocery eg.

@vinlyn, you didn't say anything wrong and your post is true. But I just wanted to take the opportunity to help people understand the perspective of myself and perhaps mentally ill. I don't want people to think that it is a choice to be mentally ill. It IS a choice to do all those things like not drinking too much coffee and also undergoing therapy.

vinlyn

@Jeffrey, I understand what you're saying. But please go back to my basic message, which was in response to a query as to why people resort to sending a check to a charity, rather than helping people more directly (at least that's how I was reading the question).

Whether you want to talk about a teacher at our school who was bipolar, or my alcoholic father, or ____________________, it gets depressing to -- over years -- deal with the same non-changing situation/crisis, and to feel buried in it. So we tend to write a check...it's easy, we feel we did something worthwhile, and we feel good about ourselves.

Tosh

Jeffrey said:

@vinlyn, not sure why you mentioned alcoholics falling off the wagon and mentally ill people. It makes it sound like the mentally ill have a possibility of being cured. I don't know this is the same with all illnesses but my doctor told me there is no chance of curing my illness.

Alkies don't get 'cured' either, @Jeffrey. I believe I have an illness (a mental illness - and alcoholism is classified as such by the World Health Authority) which I'm not at fault for having, but I'm 100% responsible in the way I manage it.

A.A. teaches that for long term sobriety we have to change - transmogrify - our lives. Many in A.A. have to go to extraordinary lengths to get and stay sober; it certainly isn't an easy process.

And I may call myself a 'recovered' alcoholic, but I've not recovered from my alcoholism - I will die an alcoholic - but I've recovered from the hopeless state of mind and body that got me into A.A. in the first place, and I spend a heck of a lot of time going to meetings and helping others; which is all part of staying recovered.

What I'm saying is, there's no chance of me getting cured of my illness either. However I'm fortunate enough to be able to help others who suffer with the same illness - just by sharing my experience with it - and that's a gift.

Jeffrey

Sorry Tosh. Now I see that alcoholics are not to blame. I never thought that but I did have the thought 'that they could just stop drinking' but now I recall that it is almost impossible to overcome and you need a higher power to steady you eg. and all of the other stages.

Sorry if I stepped on your toes. I had drinking in my family with alcoholism in my mother (she is now sober for 20 years). I used to drink too much including binge drinking, but I have it under control after 2 years sober. I only buy 1 six pack of woodchuck hard cider per week. If it's not in the house I don't drink. And the barrier of going in my car, perhaps while drunk, is high enough that I only have 1 six pack when we go for groceries. I might also have a glass of wine going out to a restaurant.

I'm not saying for sure that I know I am not an alcoholic, but I seem to have the willpower to not drink more alcohol than hurts me.

lobster

So any ideas?

No. :screwy:

I have too much compassion for myself to worry about others. I eat meat, not much - because I have minimal compassion for animal slaves.
I let my sister suffer with her mental health problems, because I can not be a full time therapist . . . it would drive me loopy.
I let the fox sleep in our garden today, what more do you Boddhisattvas want? :rolleyes:

Wait I have it . . . I will be a little kinder tomorrow, maybe smile more.
Baby Buddha steps . . . :wave:

robot

One of the things I like about donating to faceless charities is the anonymity. Other than an online thank you from a computer there is no recognition. If I find myself bragging about how generous I have been, there is no way to avoid a confrontation with my ego.
Also I think it is the best way to get serious help to many people. Millions of small donations add up to the kind of sum needed to get a huge relief effort into an area like the Philippines where the need is massive and immediate.
I like to give money to panhandlers and beggars. It's hard not to be judgemental about individuals sometimes. Here in Canada we have able bodied young people panhandling. Mostly I don't like to be an enabler for their laziness. I don't mind giving to addicts.
In Asia I have also given change or small bills out often. I am getting more selective since I learned about the gangs involvement in the begging business. And various scams that I have read about online, like the baby milk scam in Cambodia.

banned_crab

helping people doesnt make you a good person, just like resisting doing bad doesnt make you less bad.

how

@heyimacrab
You sure?

EvenThird

@ThailandTom
Hmm.. If you can send out snail mail, maybe send letters to people in nursing homes/other similar organizations? (FYI, I can't watch youtube vids in my region, so no comment on that)

@heyimacrab
Can you explain what you mean?

ThailandTom

@robot I have given to beggers here in Thailand when I have had the chance, I am aware though of the gangs and maybe they will just go and buy some alcohol or drugs. I do not strive for a good feeling or validation, I just want to help people and giving to faceless organizations IMO can be risky as there are fake ones floating around, it is hard to know you are making a difference or just filling the pockets of criminals. I guess research is needed.

@EvenThird I have never heard of snail mails, I will research into that and give it a go.

I only leave my place if I absolutely have to or I am drunk. Even with valium these days by itself I just feel normal if I take it, my resting heart rate was taken a few weeks ago at like 89bpm lol, that is how anxious I am. That was at a pharmacy who had one of those blood pressure machines.

Alcoholism is something that cannot be cured just like many mental disorders yes, and I can safely say I have them both, I binge drink every 3-4 days at present, just waiting to get the chance to go to therapy before I die in a bike crash or from a drug and alcohol related way.

EvenThird

@ThailandTom
I remember what you said in my "need help leaving the house" thread, and I empathize with you. Although people said many helpful things there I am still struggling with this problem, and reading your posts here reminded me of my own situation. I'm sorry that you are suffering, and I hope you will be able to get therapy soon as well.
(Oh, and by snail mail I just meant conventional postage-stamp letters)

vinlyn

Tom, while I would say that a resting heart rate of 89 bpm is somewhat high, especially for a young man like you, it is well within what is considered the normal range. I'm being treated for mild tachycardia, and even at my advanced age and weight, my cardiologist continually tells me there is nothing to worry about at all when my heart rate is "in the 80s". Further, if you're out shopping, that's not a "resting heart rate".

ThailandTom

Well I wasn't out shopping as such, just hopped on my motorbike, went to the pharmacy (you know Thailand, those small pharmacies that are everywhere) and got talking about something and they did the blood pressure test 3 times. My pulse was 89, 93 and then 91 and I was just standing there for maybe 10 minutes.

MaryAnne

Tom,
true 'resting' heart rate is determined while comfortably seated or laying down, for a full 10 minutes after any activity; even walking around, standing or 'hopping on a motorbike' is considered activity.

vinlyn

Due to the mild tachycardia I have -- which can easily become not so mild -- I've learned a lot about the heart and what it does. For example, just sitting and eating will often raise your heart rate into the very high 80s to 100, as swallowing makes the vagal nerve in your esophagus signal your brain to pump more blood into your digestive organs to help digest the food you are eating.