Attempting to learn about myself

Cory

I have been taking some time to just observe myself, my actions, and my reactions to things. I have learned that My personality completely changes when I am exposed to socialization with kids my age. I go from relaxed and happy, to uneasy and stressed. It seems I am spending too much time trying to fit in, which is actually making me fit in less. I cannot make myself perfect, and I know that. I would just like to be my happy relaxed self around every type of person.

It is weird how the way other people perceive our personalities can potentially make us question what we already know about ourselves, while at the same time help us learn more about ourselves.

lobster

I cannot make myself perfect

N o o o o o . . . it can not be surely . . .
. . . actually you're perfectly right
not that we have a self but that is another story . . .

I would just like to be my happy relaxed self around every type of person.

That covers a lot of types . . . but I know what you mean. I think nearly everyone has the same social inclination . . . we just do it less than perfectly . . . and that is OK :wave:

Hamsaka

Cory said:

I have been taking some time to just observe myself, my actions, and my reactions to things. I have learned that My personality completely changes when I am exposed to socialization with kids my age. I go from relaxed and happy, to uneasy and stressed. It seems I am spending too much time trying to fit in, which is actually making me fit in less. I cannot make myself perfect, and I know that. I would just like to be my happy relaxed self around every type of person.[/quote]

Promise promise, this unease and stress minimizes with age, no Buddhism necessary.

This is a very important insight, not an easy one to get! This will give you a leg up on most of what plagues us self-conscious types.

The next time you are in the situation, and you notice the "unease and stressed" feelings arise, see if you can hear little voices saying things, or see flashes of image or emotion. These are where the unease and stress come from -- NOT your peers. They rise up faster than light, but awareness is faster. "Catch" them in an imaginary net, and later on take them into meditation. Call the words or emotions back and be very curious about them, examine them rather than feel them. In quiet meditation, things slow down so much at least for me the flashes of emotion can be seen as some personal shame or nasty look from a parent or bully.

You don't have to kill them or get rid of them, just sit with them a while and watch them get kind of stupid, shallow, uber judgmental and therefore, not true at all.

When with friends be ready for the inner impulses causing stress and unease, like you know they're gonna come walking around the corner at any moment. Thich Nhat Hanh recommends hugging them, giving them kind words, because they are part of you that needs compassion and love the most.

Honest, when I do this it works. It is a work in progress, but sincerely, I can 'hug' those parts of myself now, it even feels like the right thing to do instead of disliking myself or ignore them.

[quote]It is weird how the way other people perceive our personalities can potentially make us question what we already know about ourselves, while at the same time help us learn more about ourselves. [/quote]

We think we are such mind readers, you know? The older you get, you realize your peers are just as self-conscious as you are, thinking they can all read your mind and each others, and 'know' what others are thinking of them. It's not a very nice thing the mind does to us . . . it assumes what's inside it is coming from outside it.

There's a great saying; What other people think of me is none of my business.

Remember what you 'believe' comes from others is coming from within you. The great news about that is . . . you can tear it apart and see what a bunch of self-loathing bullshit it is, how useless and unkind it is.

Good luck being curious

Gassho

ps sorry for messing up the html quotes, hope it's not too confusing :P

Dennis1

You might look up 'Buddha fields'. Also, worrying about how others see us is not so bad.
Worrying about how you see yourself is not very useful though. Just accept your conclusions until new ones come along. Certainty is not very valuable. Better to keep looking. Good luck on your adventure. Being aware is the fine point of growing-keep at it.

Dennis1

I cannot make myself perfect
N o o o o o . . . it can not be surely . . .
. . . actually you're perfectly right
not that we have a self but that is another story . .

Well Lobster: Your post is beautiful but the first ignorance is the creation of a self with the decision to be. While we have a body and a mind we have this self. We are bewildered because we are also a unity. When we cease creating imaginary constructs in order to have an external view of self, that small self becomes not so important-but we still are-have a self. If we don't posit our presence or awareness in that self than we are not creating our existence by relying on that small self. Then the Samsaric bewilderment and suffering and mental compulsions dissipate-they actually sort of evaporate. But there is still a small self and a body. The doctrines of Samsara and Nirvana make this clear. Just thought I would share. mtgby Indeed the young man is perfectly right and perfect-as he is-as he actually is.