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Would you marry someone who is bed-ridden?
hermitwin
Veteran
Would you marry someone who is bed-ridden?
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I think it would be easier to marry into, than to spend 20 years in a "normal" relationship and suddenly have that changed. But yes, I would. I wouldn't not marry the person I loved because of something like that. There are amazing gifts in all difficult situations.
A friend of ours is a quadraplegic and has been since he was 16. He's...35ish now. He married his high school sweetheart and they now have 2 children. Awesome couple.
No, I wouldn't, but I would stay with someone in a relationship who became bedridden.
If I loved them, yes
@vinlyn What if you had been in a relationship with the person for several years but you were not yet married when they became bedridden? Would you continue in that relationship eventually continuing to marriage, or would you end the relationship? Not trying to put you on the spot, just curious if we are simply setting the bar at marriage, or staying in a relationship without marriage.
For me, the answer is yes - assuming that person is my wife. What I get out of the marriage has nothing to do with her being ambulatory.
@hermitwin - I'm curious, is bedridden an example of something greater? For instance, is there qualities of being bedridden that you are pointing to that could also be applied to other circumstances? For instance, is your question referring to the ability to share experiences? i.e. Would you marry a spouse that lived overseas and who you could not see regularly? Or might it be the lack of ability to touch or be touched? i.e. Would you marry someone that was serving life in prison?
It just occurred to me that your example might be an example of a bigger question.
I can sort of answer that question for real.
My ex in Thailand I had known for nearly 20 years before I moved there. When I got there I already knew he had a serious heart condition (had already had open heart surgery once and was facing it again) and aplastic anemia (not just regular old anemia, but a serious form that is akin to blood cancer, which required bone marrow transplants, radiation, and chemotherapy), and then when I arrived I learned he had also developed hepatitis from blood transfusions. It was clear from the get-go that sooner or later he would be bed-ridden, although he was a little over 10 years younger than me. And I was okay with that. In fact, it was part of the reason I went to live there with him.
What I wasn't okay with after 2 years was a relationship where he did his thing and I was left to do my thing alone so very much of the time. That's too much like a marriage of convenience, rather than a real relationship. So when the riots hit (series of riots # 1), I left.
Had the riots not happened, I would have been there still, facing taking care of him with no qualms.
I wouldn't. I am too selfish for that. Hate to admit it, but it's true. I am no Gandhi, just a regular guy, so I'd rather marry a rich person (and live off her wealth) than marry a bedridden one and suffer the consequences. Sorry, Buddha.
There are plenty of consequences, most likely, to marrying a rich person and living off her wealth, too. I know far, far more miserable and untrusting rich people than I do open, honest, trusting, and happy ones.
nope.. I am most likely(fingers crossed!) never going to get married again but on the off chance I can't be a monk or disrobe and be crazy enough to marry again, they will have to be capable of taking care of themselves financially as I do, this way together we can have a decent living. They'd also have to match me in a long list of likes and similar views and abilities. A bed ridden person isn't going to be doing endurance events and hiking/camping and all the stuff I enjoy doing.
I experienced a marriage of hardship where I was a caregiver once, I think that's good enough for me lol. I also notice about myself as being a person who is attracted towards women who end up needing help or have issues in one way or another. Every girl I've ever liked had issues medical/physical issues to depression to issues stemming for horrible families. It just wouldn't be a healthy thing for me.
This is not about me, so can't comment, but I wish them well in their life together.
@hermitwin Would you divorce someone who became bedridden? I ask because it's not such a cut and dry question (IMO anyway). It would depend on the people and the feelings involved.
For me, if I loved someone, then yes. Sex is a great thing in a relationship, but it's not the be all to end all. You can't buy love, but you can rent it for a while, as @betaboy would do.
But for a serious answer, yes I would.
I like to say i wont.
but everything is uncertain.
if i had to care for someone, it would take a toll on me.
how long can i endure? i dont know.
At the end of the day you are being honest. That's all you can do right?
You may be right, but............In a world where money is god, having money is better than not having it, right? I just hope with my striking good looks (not bragging, btw), I could snatch a rich girl and live happily ever after. lol.
And now you expect no one to criticize that posting???
Hey, I am being honest. I deserve a cookie.
To be honest the question reminds me of a more salubrious version of the kind of debates that Peter Griffin has with Quagmire and Cleveland when Joe is not around.
Heh. You don't know what you'd do, until you fall in love. I married a woman that was in prison when I first fell in love with her, several years before she got out. We've been happily married for over twenty years now.
For the right man or woman, don't discount what you'd do.
It is very hard to imagine being in a position you are not faced with. Once you are faced with it, you pull strength and compassion and other tricks out of your hat that you never knew you had. I never knew I could parent an autistic child. Or a child with diabetes. I never knew that on top of taking care of 3 kids, that I could also take care of my grandma, including bathing her and changing her colostomy. We are capable of more than we imagine we are in the "right" circumstances.
@betaboy money is only god if you allow it to be. If money is what speaks for you in this world, then I feel sorry for you. Also, it might be of value to you to practice which good qualities others have rather than which good qualities you have. You put forth a lot of arrogance on this board. It can be something to work on, if you so desire. Communicating with you here is like talking to a brick wall. You never respond to anyone's inquiries about your posts, and you focus mostly on the poster and not their post. It's like a tango where everyone has left feet. It gives the impression you think you are here to teach the rest of us without desiring to learn yourself.
Simple answer no because I do not have any thoughts for marriage even if it is a long term partner. I have been bed ridden a few times for various reasons, my GF is still with me and she knows that I never intend to marry. I mean bed ridden from brain malfunctions and not man flu by the way
I thought a bit more about this thread today, as I could not really relate to it, but then I could.
I married a very healthy woman. However, she became bed-ridden for nearly 6 months, she has recovered significantly since her operation, but I stood by and supported her throughout what happened, just as I know she would have for me.
If you can have a Sangha of 2 then I have it. Everything else is a bonus!