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Wise speech
Bunks
Australia Veteran
It is amazing how many times lately I have caught myself verbally criticising someone at work (who is not around) to the person I sit next to only to find later it wasn't their fault or, in the latest case, actually a mistake I had made!!!!
Wise speech indeed......
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Yep this was me three weeks ago......
This was me talking to Mr Cushion (aka myself) just a moment ago
Show some restraint. You show restraint. You first! etc
http://www.berzinarchives.com/web/en/archives/sutra/level3_lojong_material/specific_texts/37_bodhisattva_practices/thirty_seven_bodhisattva_practices/37_bodhisattva_practices_litt.html
A forum like this is a great place to practice Right Speech. If you can learn to self-moderate in a place where there are no real-world consequences for what you say (such as getting fired), then you'll be better prepared to do the same in your real-life interactions.
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I wouldn't bet on that, said the Moderator....
@federica I didn't mean no consequences here on the forum.
I don't even mean no consequences at all in real life... we affect each other by what we say here, and that can translate into harmful speech or actions in our lives (if not just hurt feelings, which is bad enough). All I meant is there's much less to lose here, and less harm that can be done (generally speaking). People are free to speak their minds on NewBuddhist in a way they'd never attempt at the workplace (for instance). That amount of freedom means we have to be even more careful about what we say, and it's a great opportunity for practice! If we can master ourselves here, we'll be able to control what we say in real-life situations all the easier.
I know what you meant.
I was just lightening the mood....
@federica Yeah I kinda figured but it was still an opportunity to drive the point home if anyone missed it. If we're mindful we can make all sorts of things part of our practice, because in the end our practice is about establishing a new relationship with all of our experiences (all phenomena). Hidden gem.
This happened to me today.
We have these work carts that hold all our casefiles we are currently working..and I use them for sorting cases into certain piles...anyway, I came back from lunch and 'my' cart was gone. The person took all the cases off and stacked them in my cubicle and just walked off with the cart. Well, I proceeded to stand here and say " dang, this is a shame...who took my cart? All they had to do was ask me...I would have given it to them. I already gave up the new carts that HR brought down to us...man, you give people an inch and they take a yard. They act like it's theirs to take".
I caught myself then. Wait a minute. I'm acting like it's mine and I bought it. I have no idea why this person might have needed it or whatever. Come to find out a little old lady who works in my unit came and got it...and I love her to death and would give it to her anyway.
I just walked over to her cube and made a funny situation about it.
I said " Ms. Pat...I heard you took me for everything I had, and I'm not scared to fight a little old lady...I was talking mad trash about you and your posse"...hahaha ... She busted out laughing and started to apologize and I said, don't you worry. She needed the cart to walk clear over to the other side of the building, and I was loud talking bec of something I thought was 'mine' ....anyway... If it was anyone else, I might not have learned the lesson so tough, hahaha....but I ate such a huge piece of humble pie bec it was her. I'll think twice before ever saying something about my cart being taken.
Exactly so.
It is always the little old lady, the grown up toddler, the confused crustacean, the person worthy of metta, mostly ourselves who exasperates us.
Increase in Metta, anyway you can . . .
OM MANI PEME HUM
It's not your cart.
Of course, then there's the other side of the coin I experienced each year when a few teachers would move on to another school or retire, etc. Some of our teachers felt they could just take anything they wanted and move it to their room. Often leading the school to have to buy some new equipment. I'd call that a Precept or Commandment -- stealing.
@lobster...so if I hear you right.... all kinds of people, mostly ourselves increases our frustration. I agree. More metta for me for feeling so bad about it and more metta for her or anyone else that would frustrate me. True! Metta is always the answer, isn't it? ..
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HHDL speaking....sorry, I had a hard time with his accent. ..
.. I only understood bits and pieces. I think he was explaining the wisdom I got from this.
@Vastmind I have had a similar thing happen lately, too. It turned out multiple times actually that people I felt I bumped heads with, actually had something in common with me, and that made me more likely to be gentle and understanding with them. Which is true, isn't it? That we are more likely to be nice and think the best of someone, even if they are having a bad day, when we know even a little something about them that makes us more likely to like them? Now to find a way to expand that to everyone. Really, as humans, we all have many things in common, and we should all be kind to each other because of it.
The main lesson I took from it was like the OP....I just assumed it was somebody else and went off at the mouth. ( I know, it's not like somebody else wouldn't have made it any better), hahaha, but bec I didn't stop and think and breath first, I ended up loud talking someone I really like at work....and it was my attachment/fault to begin with.
Gratitude to Ms. Pat for the teaching I recieved. ..
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I thought it might be relevant to the OP bec it's easy to talk about people you don't know or aren't close with...but when the wrong speech lands on the person you would never go off on...it's humbling.
You're right @Vastmind.
The person I was critical of was in another city and I notice that there is a real divide within the business I work for between the two cities that it operates in. It is very easy for us to have a go at the faceless person in the other office!
Yep...our left hand never knows what our right hand is doing....and I have to remind myself that it's the disorganization and work processes that are creating the confusion and frustration, and sometimes lack of knowledge/training.... but that falls on the institution....it's not the other person. Most of the time they are just as frustrated at the processes or lack of oversight as I am. Ms Pat was pretty frustrated that she had no available cart to walk a gazillion miles in order to transport THIER work. Not hers.
She didn't make it personal. I did.
@Bunks
If the Dalai Lama with his accent had taken our trolley, we would probably feel pleased . . . he no doubt has some important use/teaching about the meaning and use of everyday experiences.
Can we manifest Chenrezig with practice of the mantra? Does a trolley have to have four prayer wheels to be useful or our mouth silenced by mantra?
At the moment I am learning to 'speak' robin as they are nesting in the garden. Getting the body positions right by mimicing their behaviour. Not sure I will be carrying worms in my beak to the nest, however it would go down well . . .
In the crazy cructacean world, putting mantra on wheels, good words/worms in bad mouths is part of the fantasy . . . that leads to . . . did you guess? The real . . .
http://www.dharma-haven.org/tibetan/meaning-of-om-mani-padme-hung.htm
OM MANI PEME HUM
Well, why didn't you say that the first time? ..
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Gotcha. As usual, I need to practice the mantra more for it just to pop up on the spot in the middle of a trolley controversy, hahaha. Ever work for congress? This may take a couple of lifetimes...hahaha. Thanks for the clarification. ..
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Hey when you live in the real world this is normal. It has been 5 days and I have not spoken something with ill will in mind. However, I'm not in the real world at the moment...