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Fear
Padmini42
Explorer
Tried to express compassion toward one of my greatest lingering fears; spiders. Rather than squishing the thing I tried and failed miserably to contain it under a cup, so I could put it outside. Now my nerves are shot and I am a nervous wreak because I found this spider hidden amongst my unfolded laundry. Can anyone give me advice on how to cope with these shot nerves as well as my persistent fear? The only thing I have accomplished so far is making myself into a paranoid mess DX
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@Padmini42 I too have a slightly irrational fear of spiders.
I think compassion is something that builds up slowly. Sure you can try and get the spider out, that's what I try to do. I think true compassion comes from wisdom. This takes time and cannot be fought.
Just know the spider has no intention of getting you. Meditation helps me a lot when I'm fearful, anxious or in pain.
You see these are just feelings, once you see that they seen to go. Everytime you put an owner onto the feeling you make it worse.
Just know that in the current moment you are not being attacked by a spider. You are safe warm and sheltered. Fear is just a feeling or warning signal. It's not wrong to fear. Just let it go
I came to live in the countryside from a big city.
The first thing I had to get used to were spiders, and here, spiders come in all sizes and colours.
The first spider I met was on my towel as I came out of the shower. This was the first and last spider I squished, because my aversion was only overcome by my pity for the insect.
I learned to usher them out of the house with a glass and newspaper, and when I have none nearby, I even put them in my hand now.
Just try to think that the poor spider is not out to get you and that it is as afraid of you as you are of it. Do you really have to kill it just because you are afraid? We're talking about a life here. Your fear won't vanish overnight, but putting yourself in the spider's position will help you get over your aversion. I even try talking to them.
Maybe study spiders, so you can understand why they do what they do. The spider was probably terrified of you, thus hiding in the laundry, or hiding from a much bigger spider (no, don't go there). I used to be a lot more frightened of spiders than I am now, but over the years they are just going about their business, trying to eat and reproduce. The spider that lands on you is just as afraid as you are, and rightfully so.
Several months ago I was spinning yarn and a rather large brown spider crawled up the leg of the spinning wheel, down the leg once it realized I was there, and then crawled beneath my bed. I avoid cleaning beneath the bed for laziness's sake but I knew I could rip everything out of there and still never find it or imagine sleeping in the bed. Some guy at work told me in our area we have 'spider hunter' spiders, very large and docile, nonpoisonous, and they eat other spiders. Just big dumb slow spiders looking for dinner. If he did emerge, he'd just crawl over me and on his way. To the spider I am incidental.
Panic is panic, it's physical and not much you can do when it gets set off
Sometimes a little understanding helps. I no longer shriek and slap myself when I see a spider on me, I just jump and blow on it real hard so it falls off. They aren't that different than we are, in what they are trying to do with their lives
Once I found a big spider in the sink when I went to wash my hair. I caught him in a jar and shook the jar out the window to release him. Unfortunately, my flock of chickens were beneath the window. One of the hens got him and ran away to eat him, pursued by the rest of the chickens and soon, there were two chickens, each with a piece of him, running in two different directions. No good deed goes unpunished in samsara.
What exactly scares you about them? I like @Hamsaka 's suggestion of studying and learning about them. Most often, we fear what we don't understand, and we can learn (or sometimes unlearn) things to arrive at a better place.
I don't mind spiders, mostly because I know nothing we have here is dangerous to humans. However, I do not like moths. I can't even tell you why. We get, for a short time in the summer, the Luna moth, which for a moth is pretty neat, but they totally make my neck hair stand on end and I cannot help but react with total body shivers. But I did take some time to read up, and even though I'm not 100% at ease about them, I know I have no reason to fear them. It's kind of funny, and I find that laughing about it helps me, too. I'm not afraid of black bears, wolves, bats, moose or badgers. But I'm afraid of moths. How can one not laugh at the absurdity of that? LOL
Can you think of something that maybe happened when you were young that helped condition your fear of spiders? Sometimes it helps to go back to those childhood moments, perhaps you had a mom that was scared of them and her reaction scared you into being afraid, too. Maybe you had a bad experience with one. Figuring out where it started can often be the answer to starting to alleviate it.
Give yourself time! You did a wonderful thing just by being aware and making an effort. I'm sorry your nerves are worn down on you. Think of something that pampers you, and take the time to do it. A carefully made and sipped cup of tea, your favorite cozy clothes, a funny movie, a good book, a bath, a hot shower, a walk in the fresh air. Whatever makes you feel comforted, do it. Sometimes nerve-fray time isn't the best time to meditation, but making an effort to sit and just take slow, deep breaths can calm you.
Kia Ora @Padmini42,
Arachnophobia and Ophidiophobia it would seem are two of the most common phobias...And can put a person's mind into an anxiety spin "What if this ...What if that"
Gradual familiarisation is a way to lessen ones fear/s...Pictures, video clips, viewing spiders from behind a glass ie, in a glass tank, then perhaps start by holding a dead or plastic/rubber one...The fangs of the vast majority of spiders are too small and weak to penetrate the human skin (a fact I hope that should go some way in helping to settle the mind)...
Basic entomology can be interesting and fun-
but finding out how insects & spiders live is not for everyone.
Some people have a phobia about things that creep and crawl-
but if they took time out to study them, they would have no fear at all !
For me, the more I learnt the less I feared, I changed fear into fascination...and now I'm an arachnophile...
However if your phobia is boardering on the extreme, it might pay for you to see a phobia specialist...
Remember Fear is just False Evidence Appearing Real
Metta Shoshin
I totally understand about the Luna moths -- but it's their caterpillars that send me over the edge. Green and kind of translucent, and HUGE, look like they will burst if you touch them (like I would, ha). Silly, and truly they are amazing creatures, but there's something built into our system, I think, that revolts around insects or reptiles, things that are really "different". Plenty of them are dangerous, and the proto-humans who freaked out over spiders and snakes had an advantage.
I agree that knowledge and understanding can help with a phobia.
I was hiking with my ex husband many years ago and we found a beautiful field in which to rest and eat lunch. We walked out of there with ticks EVERYWHERE, and yes, even there. Ever since then, when I've seen a tick on a dog (for instance) I'm overwhelmed with that panicky skeevy shivery feeling and feel nauseated. It has nothing to do with diseases they might carry, its just that . . . their bodies bloat up with their host's blood while they hang there feeding away. Uuuurrrgghhh. I could no more touch one than fly. This thing, hanging off of you . . . like it's trying to be a part of your body . . . if I lived where ticks were common, I'd need help because there is no good reason I can imagine to get to know a tick.
Have you tried systematic desensitisation?
http://www.simplypsychology.org/Systematic-Desensitisation.html
or a reverse of asubha meditation? Contemplate parts of the spider one by one until the fear and disgust disappears.
As @Shoshin says "For me, the more I learnt the less I feared, I changed fear into fascination...and now I'm an arachnophile..."
Oh send the luna moths to me. My dad has a butterfly collection on the wall at his cottage and I always wanted to see a Luna. I used to butterfly hunt.
Well I mainly learned to be scared of spiders from my mom when I was younger, now it is mostly their legs and fast movements that stir fear within myself. I mostly run away when confronted by a spider, and while I did manage to not kill this one I am still very afraid of it returning.
And it's not just spiders,95% of crawlers scare me 0_0
Insects are good people.
I would spend a little time with the desensitisation suggestion and 'being a crawler visualisation' during meditation, followed by exploring the physical calming of fear by knowing its physical arising. In other words sending calm and metta to the part of the body feeling the aversion/fear etc.
This is worth a look just for a laugh
Kia Ora @Padmini42,
All true spiders are predators and feed upon a variety of insects and other spiders...Think of it this way...If it were not for the humble spider doing its part in the ecosystem, the planet would be overrun with even more creepy crawlies and flying insect pests...They are one of Mother Nature's biological control agents and do a very good job...
The average spider consumes around two insects (or other spiders) a week, it may not sound like much but then one's got to take into account the world's spider population...
Anywhere you find spiders there will be a food source close by... The bigger the spider population the bigger the food source available to them, remove their food source.......No more spiders.... And no we humans are not part of their diet....But in some cultures spiders and insects are part of their diet....
There was an old woman who swallowed a fly,
I don't know why she swallowed a fly,
Perhaps she'll die.
There was an old woman who swallowed a spider,
That wriggled and jiggled and tickled inside her,
She swallowed the spider to catch the fly,
I don't know why she swallowed the fly,
Perhaps she'll die
Metta Shoshin
Focus on the other feelings. Instead of aversion, focus on the compassion you might feel for the creepy-crawly and the pride towards yourself for sparing the bug's life and successfully dealing with your fear.
When we rescue bugs with my son from sticky situations, we feel so proud with ourselves, I bet if you do it often you'll soon overcome your aversion.
The first times you try the rescuing exercise, breathe a lot and repeat positive affirmations to yourself.
Edit: my thought here is, if spiders is a situation you have to face often, you'd better work on your fear as soon as possible.
My mother has a phobia of mice, but mice are such a rarity in her neighbourhood (the only mice she saw in her life were while visiting me here in Switzerland), that it is not imperative for her to work on her fear.
This really resonates with me. My aversion/fear towards bugs isn't small by any means, but lately I've been able to see how cruel & unnecessary it is to crush every bug you see just because they make you uncomfortable. Paper & cup was hard at first because of how close I needed to get to the bugs, but then I realized most are harmless and probably alarmed/frightened that I even noticed them. This gave me the motivation to move out of my comfort zone and learn to treat them better. I still struggle with roaches though…
baby steps!
I try to be more conscientious about killing insects than I used to, but putting an insect's life on par with that of any other lifeform, calling it "a life", I'm not to that point yet. I'm not sure if I'll ever be at that point. There are untold billions of insects, just reproducing and eating, often sources of harm or disease for humans. I've never felt sorry for a spider. I've felt sorry for a mouse, for a bird, but not a spider... not a worm... not a bee or mosquito... maybe I'm just not going to ever be that enlightened. It certainly doesn't seem like it, though as I noted in another thread I do seem to have changed my mind a lot over the years.
I hated killing ants, because they are a highly-organised cohesive unit all functioning together for the good of the nest. They work in unison, and effectively have tasks to perform, which they do diligently and because it's what they do.
I cannot in all good conscience state for certain, for a fact that they can be described as sentient. But goodness, we could do to learn a thing or two about how they co-exist...And they had no direct bearing on anyone's health either....
Flies, mosquitoes and other insects which unfortunately (through no deliberate fault of their own) spread disease, are dirty and a hazard to human well-being, I'm afraid are candidates for a rapid and fortunate re-birth, if they happen to choose my space in which to live.
I think attempting to co-exist with something that could theoretically cause you and your loved ones real harm, is not a worthy premise, and an example perhaps, of 'foolish compassion'.
I'm not saying it's RIGHT to kill them. I'm saying there's justification.
MOI?!
I have to say, some spiders are so magnificent in appearance, it seems a shame to dispatch them simply because they give us the heebie-Jeebies.... we probably do as much to them. We're huge. And some of us may appear really ugly to them!
Hey Padnimi42 when you see one run along your living room floor, believe it or not all it's doing is looking for a date!lol..So the next time you see one try following it around, & try to get used to being near one at first..If you see a tiny money spider try catching it in your bare hands, & see if you can be comfortable with a tiny one & then build upwards from that..It's perfectly normal to jump when we see a spider out the corner of our eye, & it's a hard fear to over come for most people because most never try to over come their fear..Keep a glass & a card handy & get good at that technique first, & when totally comfortable & you can do that with no fear at all try this method..Go & buy some thick gloves preferably gauntlets, & once your comfortable being near a spider try picking it up..Tell yourself that it can't penetrate the gloves, pick it up & have a look at it before you remove it..So it's fine to jump when you see the next one but if it's up on a wall away from you, see if you can be in the same room with it without being afraid..Then breathe deeply a few times, get your card & glass & remove it. :-)