Advice For Troubled Youth
Frozen_Paratrooper
Veteran
I have always been a big proponent of learning a trade at a young age. I am grateful everyday for being pushed to learn the painting trade as a teenager and working my way up to a manager position in college. It paid the rent, and I learned to take pride in a concrete achievement that I could teach to others.
My wife and I do some volunteer work, and we're set to begin mentoring a pregnant 17 year old girl soon. From what I gather, she really has never had any positive role models in her life. She is eligible to remain in this program provided she attends school, be it completing high school, college, or a vocational school.
We haven't met her yet, so it is impossible for me to say what her interests or aptitude is for higher education. But if she is so inclined, I would very much like to encourage her to consider learning a vocation if only to get the work experience before deciding on long term goals.
I'm fairly ignorant of what's out there. When I learned how to do commercial painting, it was through a company on the jobsite. I never attended a trade school. But for those of you with some experience, what can you recommend in terms of vocational opportunities for teenagers and young adults, and young women in particular?
Comments
Which country are you in @Frozen_Paratrooper?
I neglected to mention. I'm in the US, and I know these sorts of things differ wildly at least from Europe.
Yes. And Australia I suspect.
I would respectfully suggest that instead of starting from the point of giving her advice, you give her the space and time to tell YOU what she wants to achieve, and then examine the possible avenues she can take to get herself there...
Yes, well and good. That's the aim. But I am also trying to arm myself with the knowledge of a subject I know very little on so that I can give an honest picture of what opportunies there are in pursuing university vs. vocational.
But if she is so inclined, I would very much like to encourage her to consider learning a vocation if only to get the work experience before deciding on long term goals.
She'll probably be much more concerned with the pregnancy short-term. Start where she is at the moment.
I've been to trade school twice.
Has she graduated yet from HS? Diploma or a GED should be first on the list.
Who will pay for this? What about childcare during the day while she's at school?
What is her support system like?
Does she have transportation?
What does she see for herself?
IS she on public assistance?
The short term goal might be breaking family cycles and her learning to parent. MIght be learnng to embrace opportunity....You'll have to put the time in to figure out what she needs from you....not what you want to give her. Especially if there are any cultural differences.
TBH....I think it's too early for you to be offering/pushing career choices. Get to know her....spend time with her.....care about her....Thats the only way she will care about your suggestions in the long run. Mentoring involves alot more than just " I think you should..."
Yes, good advice. I used to get involved with pregnant school-girls myself at one time...as an education social worker, obviously.
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Actually my advice would be to treat it as a befriending role, don't worry about trying to "mentor".
As someone who gave a couple of young troubled kids a home, my biggest advice is to lower your expectations. I know you want to step in and give this young girl the support and advice she needs. You're getting ahead of yourself. First, get to know the girl. Find out what her problems and strengths are. This is way too early to think about getting her to think about her future. If you push now, she'll just tune you out.
It's interesting that you consider young women a separate category from yourself. In the city where I lived earlier, there was a woman who ran her own painting company. She did a great job for a great price. And she advertised as a woman-owned company. (I don't know where you live, OP, but in North America, some people are interested in supporting minority and women's companies). There's no reason you couldn't teach your protege your own trade. If she's interested.
And painting with her could be very useful in terms of providing lots of time to talk and to bond. You could ask her to help you with a painting project around the house, and see how she does with it.
Women can surprise you, OP. I had a friend in highschool who taught herself auto mechanics by buying a very old defunkt car, taking it apart, and putting it back together again. When she put it back together, she was able to restore it to a functioning state. You just never know what talents people have until you give them a project, an opportunity.
If she's 17 yrs old & pregnant Frozen Paratrooper, I'd say the last thing she needs to think about at the moment is a career etc..I'd say help her to find plenty of fun things to do while she can still do them, & learning about how to be a good mother & to look after herself emotionally & physically..When she's got a good handle on looking after her kid, that would be a good time for her to think about her future..I know you mean the best for her by wanting to find her something, but i reckon it would be better to gain her trust first..By just supporting her & not suggesting anything about a career etc, unless of course she mentions it first then support her in finding it..I know a lot of girls that have had kids whilst young, & it comes as quite a shock to a lot of them how much work it is..So her best chance i would say is to concentrate & get ready for that, & have some fun teaching her how to cook etc. :-)
I agree with @Daveadams. And to revise my post a little, I agree with others that you need to get to know her first, and let her tell you her interests. But with a baby on the way, preparing for that needs to take precedence over career talk, and such. And the last thing she needs while carrying a baby is to be ingesting paint fumes. I wonder if she has information re: what to avoid in order to keep the baby healthy. Also bear in mind she may go through a phase where she may not be feeling well, certain food odors will provoke weird reactions, etc. Then after the baby arrives, she'll need support dealing with this extremely dependent, helpless little being.
it's quite a challenge you've taken on.
I agree Dakini it is quite a challenge to take on, & i take my hat of to them for taking on the challenge..At the same time though they have a chance to completely turn a young woman's life around for the better, & give her & her kid the best chance & hope for the future..There can't be many better things to do in life than that, & so i say good luck to them it's a great thing their doing. :-)
As she is 'troubled' I'm guessing she has not been simply PARENTED by loving, supportive and kind-hearted adults. That she is about to reproduce is just evolution, any child who menstruates can get knocked up but this young lady is probably much more a child than her age might say.
She DOES need vocational support and training. But I agree with the others that her biggest need is for you and your wife to just PARENT her, be concerned and compassionate adults who are looking for her needs at a personal level, rather than an impersonal level (a pregnant pre-adult who eventually needs to make her way).
I think for you and your wife there is great potential to bring in a 'daughter' to your family and god help us a grandchild
. She needs your hearts and time to bond with her child that is relatively unbothered by 'vocational training'.
Eventually, yes, but can you just open your home to her, meet her immediate needs for family and guidance and then at a future date go forward with the vocation? She needs loving parents more than she needs a way to support herself right now, and maybe you and your wife can do BOTH.
I hope all turns out well. Such a big responsibility! Best wishes to you and your wife, OP. _/_
Well I guess it's a moot point since the foster placement did not materialize as expected. But we still have our foster son who has been here the better part of 4 months. We learned this week that there is a good possibility of us adopting him next summer, which we are ecstatic about.
Wow, aren't you the busy foster parents! Congratulations! You know what they say: "When God [Buddha, karma, whatever] closes a door, he opens a window.