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Enemies
Bunks
Australia Veteran
When listening to metta meditation, the teacher encourages us to have feelings of compassion and kindness toward those we are close to, those we feel neutral about and those who are our enemies.
Is it strange that I don't have any enemies or people I don't like? Yes, over the years people have annoyed me and done the wrong thing by me but I bear them no grudge.
My best mate despises his brother and always has. He is forever complaining about how terrible his brother is and how none of it is his own fault. I try and be sympathetic to him but I have a hard time understanding how he can have such animosity toward another human being.
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Comments
Yes all people are different. I am glad you are not plagued.
I have a few people I don't like, but at least from my side, no enemies.
The old comedian Red Skelton said something wise in an interview (though I'm not sure he always lived by it): "I don't hate my enemies. After all, I made them."
That is just plain interesting. What if you yourself are considered an enemy by someone else? And this person has gone to extreme efforts simply to cause you all the pain and suffering they could? What if you yourself have let go long ago, but the person who thinks you are an enemy of theirs has not? It can go two different ways is what I'm saying. Yes, I had a couple of someones (none currently) who saw me as an enemy; one to this day I have NO idea, honest to God, the other, I provoked a known hornet's nest and got the results.
Enemy should/could mean anyone that you disagree with on whatever level(s) that makes it difficult for you to see them as the same as you. Ideological differences. Racism or homophobia. Political differences. Whatever divides you strongly from them, as opposed to simply a natural division (strangers). It doesn't have to mean someone that you're at war with... externally.
The important thing is that, however it has come about, you are disinclined to be compassionate toward them. You could even be a racist yourself, and so your enemy might be members of that race... and you need to cultivate compassion toward them and remove those feelings of apartness that you've been fostering.
Sounds like a good movie to me!
I made a strange sound when I read this @Vinlyn, part gag and part cough. It provides me some interesting self-reflection because it always takes two to tango. I've always 'seen' myself as very mild, nonintrusive, noncontroversial, but obviously not. Important stuff to own, though not always obvious what TO own.
That's interesting - I hadn't thought about that! I remember at High School a guy just suddenly saying he hated me and being quite open about it. He never tried to make my life miserable just didn't talk to me from that day onwards. I probably deserved it. Like all teens, I could be a selfish s**t at times and did some pretty crappy things to people. Funnily enough I don't remember being particularly bothered either.....
@Bunks
If you do not understand why one being has so much animosity for another, check out how much of any identity is innately dependent on our adversarial relationship with anything and what would truly be threatened by any peace occurring between the parties.
Our identity is little more than context for all that we cling to or push away from. What the Buddha called a dream to awaken from. For most, to even court such an awakening is to invite the end of everything you ever thought you were.
Unfortunately I have like a dozen at least. They are all from my school and most of the time it is mainly because they are objectionable yobs and many of them are very homophobic and ignorant. Also school kids can be so bitchy these days. I try to have a compassion for them but it really can be challenging.
@Bunks, is there anyone you avoid because you don't like them?
No - there are people I avoid who I am scared of though.
Keep it up friend. That calmness you have there. There are a lot of things I find myself not being able to relate to. Today, I read about a news in my home country. There is a dude marrying two brides
.
Anger
Enmity
Hate
Fear
Distrust
Disillusionment
Despisement... etc etc etc
What are these THINGS - 0f course they can be transformed, but there is a significant cost and reconciliation on each side of the debate.
Do we combat them, embrace them, take them as being epiphenomena of the egoistic mind that we all fundamentally are. Food for thought or thoughtful meditations. This world is your world as much as mine. I don't want to fight you as my enemy. I want to coexist in the harmony, that is already there to behold.
The term 'the enemy of my enemy is my friend is utter foolishness and should forever be held as an unwise knee-jerk reaction by fools- 'the enemy of my enemy requires great consideration and a very liberal understanding of the circumstances of their VIEW, and their view should be discussed compassionately in a context that allows them to live their life and have a view, albeit not necessarily a compatible one in the sense of life as I would wish to live it.
@How said:
From your fingertips to the ears of my yet unawakened self.
It sure can be! I'm almost 50 and from the states, and school kids were objectional and bitchy back then too. It must be the 'age', and if you find yourself standing apart from that you are truly on your way to something much better.
I had more enemies in my youth too. Fewer and fewer the older I got. Now I would feel silly -- no, I DO feel silly -- admitting what I did above. I am willing for even that to be blasted to pieces, it can't come fast enough.
While the Buddhist concept of self-reflection is worthwhile, I think people take it to an extreme and overthink things. In the end they start blaming themselves. Life doesn't work that way. Life doesn't follow Buddhism. Sometimes we just have to realize that there are 'bad' people out there, people who enjoy making others miserable.
Enemies are ones best Dharma teachers hence ones best Dharma friends....
Strange but not uncommon.
You ain't trying . . . maybe just as well . . .
Don't worry time will prepare you for picknicking in the hell realms but first you need to be prepared;
Ignorance is still your enemy I take it? I won't prepare a list of monsters to hate but maybe there behaviour is something you are able to drum up a little opposition to . . .
My recommendation is to carry on with your teacher recommended practice and think of an enemy as somone that one likes the least or finds difficult.
Have you seen through the mask of the wrathful Buddhist deities?
And so why would this not be the justification for behaving badly if.....the quickest way to surround yourself with Dharma friends is to make a lot of enemies?
I am sure what you meant to say if you find yourself with an enemy, that relationship can be a good exploration of your practice and that the process of rejecting another simply feeds the adversarial nature of our own ignorance.
No amount of personal spiritual insight can justify the creation of karmic wake for others.
I can't bring myself to have enemies because of compassion. It could be just the term though. Jesus said to love our enemies but if we love them, can they truly be seen as enemies?
No, I don't even hate ignorance. Nor hatred, greed and envy for they are great teachers and provide much practice.
There was this one guy I hated in high school. Tough as nails and a complete jerk along with his old man and two brothers. He had many enemies and I was one of them. I actually wanted to kill this person and of course there were a few ways I could have done it.
I imagine he is either dead or jailed again but I hope he has found healing and perhaps even woke up a little bit.
Love thy enemy and the other sentiments seem like a paradox meant to make us see through duality. Kind of like emptiness is form.
There's more to overcome within ourselves than having an enemy I think.
True...What I meant was the so called enemy gives the practitioner the chance to practice "Tolerance" "Acceptance" "Compassion" "Etc" and it's also possible by doing so one can be the catalyst for change in others..."Lead by example" It's always better to make your enemy your friend (Better still don't buy into the enemy persona).... .
..
You are your own worst enemy.
Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer - Machiavelli.
Your worst enemy cannot harm you as much as your own unguarded thoughts - Buddha
Sure, people can overthink things, but that is not the inevitable result of self-reflection.
People also end up blaming themselves but that too is not the inevitable result of self-reflection OR overthinking. Some people are just that way, others blame everyone else.
If life isn't following Buddhism, than there is something missing from the Buddhism. And yes, I agree, there are people who enjoy making others miserable. I'm not sure that is a conclusion to what you wrote above, though. It's just a fact. It's not all that easy to tell if it's 'you' or the other person, that discernment takes a lot of work but it's worthwhile, and you end up making better decisions because of it.
Most of us have seen the enemy. Have seen their advance. Have seen the whites of their eyes.
Wonderful thing, mirrors.
To not see our 'enemy' qualities reflected in others, means we are lotus born perfection, blocking or protecting the flow of being and perhaps most usefully concentrating on the friendly qualities.
Not owning our ignorant, suffering Dukkha but giving it a personification: parents, brothers, politicians, bankers, teachers, new age clap trap etc is not skilful.
Skilful is knowing ourself reflected in our relationship to ignorance, pseudo dharma, illness etc.
The enemy is us, the friend is us. Hell, even the buddha is us . . .
I have no enemies personally. I get along with everyone just fine. So on the micro level no, but on the macro level? I have a deep disdain and hatred for people who abuse and harm children. There's no level of understanding I can have for people who batter defenseless kids. They are wicked.
I have people I'm not friendly with, and have people I do not particularly feel partial to.
But I feel "enemy" and "hatred" are very strong, toxic words, so much more for the person who chooses to make them part of their vocabulary than for the object they choose to define them with.
@Frozen_paratrooper doesn't mix his words - I don't necessarily agree with him, but I believe his life perspective and his obvious experiences have given him a particular view of the world. As the world is a seething cauldron that we can never understand, I have decided to make @Frozen_Paratrooper a friend of mine if he is willing to accept my views as much as I accept his - PM FPT on the way
Certainly. Call it what you will, hatred, great dislike, moral indignation. I don't stay awake at night corrupting my soul and meditating on people I dislike.
But I've hardly ever met a man or woman I wouldn't make my friend.
It's designed as a progression, on the basis that it should be easier to develop metta for a person you like than for a person that you don't like. Here an "enemy" could just be somebody who you find irritating.
I have a shitload of good friends then :P ...
Kidding, well I have a few in that case................. I just can't be bothered hanging out with them lately that's all.
When I was teaching on a locked ward, some of the prisoners would have been violent, child molestors and other deeply wounded people. The people I disliked were the prison guards. In some ways they were the most wounded and wounding. However that is the environment and they called me 'Sir' and I was as professionally friendly as possible.
Samsara damages us. It is certainly true for me. If anyone is not worth befriending or finding compassion for, how will we ever reform the hell realms [optional - Mahayanists only] . . . and when up for it, go for picknicks?
Be kind. Be Friendly. Seems like a plan and that is the practice . . .