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Meditation and Updates on My House of Anarchy
Frozen_Paratrooper
Veteran
I haven't given many updates of late on the wonderful madness that is my home. Last time I said anything about it, we were maybe/maybe not seeking to adopt our foster son. Well, happily, his parents seem to have turned over a new leaf and gotten sober. Just last week we said goodbye to our little friend and sent him back home to live with his family permanently. I thought I would be bitter about it, but their change seems genuine and the little boy seemed very happy to be back with them. My early revulsion against them for neglect subsided because of their transformation, and it's for the best that he was able to go back home.
A little before that, we took in a pregnant teenager who has since given birth to a tiny baby. Despite some initial frustrations and heated debates with the young girl over schoolwork, things are more civil now. It is a very fine line and tough balancing act being officially a parent but only being a few years removed from the person you're trying to mentor.
So just when I thought things would quiet down, my wife and I received a call the other day about two young sibling boys in need of a home that day. It was bewildering bringing them to our house with absolutely zero information on their background and the situation leading to their being taken into state custody. And since it was the start of the weekend, not much was forthcoming. We only knew their first names. We did learn later that day though that there were several more siblings from the same family and that Child Protection Services was in desperate need of finding a home for their two older sisters (a teen and grade schooler). So we said what the heck and took them too. That brings the total number of kids to 6 in our house!
It's obviously quite an adjustment considering my wife and I have never had children before a few months ago. We sort of just make everything up as we go along and wing it.
The added stress has been immense, and the juggling act is quite a challenge considering we both work full time. I've taken to smoking my pipe like a chimney and drinking for the first time in 3 or 4 years. Not to where it's a problem mind you, but I carve one night out of the week late at night to meet my best friend and share our work woes over a few drinks. It's one of the best things for my health, I tell myself.
A more positive outcome is that I've taken to doing vipassana meditation every night after everyone has gone to bed. It started poorly and I would end it more frustrated over my racing mind. But I've gradually come to just be aware of how erratic my mind is and just notice it while focusing on breathing. I haven't slept this well in a long time.
One of my goals in doing this is conquering some of the frustrations I feel over the incessant badgering from people. Not from any of the kids, but from coworkers and friends and family. I groan at the thought of having to constantly explain why I have so many children or the colorful ethnic makeup of the family. Even worse are the rather shocking presumptions of infertility or condescending "but don't you have any of your own children?" questions. All perfectly innocent and well meaning, but is anyone's first question to the wheelchair bound how he lost the use of his legs? The meditation has calmed a lot of this, and I've even made the best of it by just telling people with a straight face that the children who look nothing like us are actually my kids. Very entertaining seeing the faces when I call the teen mom my daughter and just look inquisitively when they nervously laugh. I let them either assume I'm 20 years older than I look or I'm a madman.
Anyway, it's an exciting time in my life, and it's an experience I'm extremely grateful for taking the plunge into. We almost didn't do it, but it's given me a whole new insight into the silent suffering that goes unseen in society, where the victims are all children.
A little before that, we took in a pregnant teenager who has since given birth to a tiny baby. Despite some initial frustrations and heated debates with the young girl over schoolwork, things are more civil now. It is a very fine line and tough balancing act being officially a parent but only being a few years removed from the person you're trying to mentor.
So just when I thought things would quiet down, my wife and I received a call the other day about two young sibling boys in need of a home that day. It was bewildering bringing them to our house with absolutely zero information on their background and the situation leading to their being taken into state custody. And since it was the start of the weekend, not much was forthcoming. We only knew their first names. We did learn later that day though that there were several more siblings from the same family and that Child Protection Services was in desperate need of finding a home for their two older sisters (a teen and grade schooler). So we said what the heck and took them too. That brings the total number of kids to 6 in our house!
It's obviously quite an adjustment considering my wife and I have never had children before a few months ago. We sort of just make everything up as we go along and wing it.
The added stress has been immense, and the juggling act is quite a challenge considering we both work full time. I've taken to smoking my pipe like a chimney and drinking for the first time in 3 or 4 years. Not to where it's a problem mind you, but I carve one night out of the week late at night to meet my best friend and share our work woes over a few drinks. It's one of the best things for my health, I tell myself.
A more positive outcome is that I've taken to doing vipassana meditation every night after everyone has gone to bed. It started poorly and I would end it more frustrated over my racing mind. But I've gradually come to just be aware of how erratic my mind is and just notice it while focusing on breathing. I haven't slept this well in a long time.
One of my goals in doing this is conquering some of the frustrations I feel over the incessant badgering from people. Not from any of the kids, but from coworkers and friends and family. I groan at the thought of having to constantly explain why I have so many children or the colorful ethnic makeup of the family. Even worse are the rather shocking presumptions of infertility or condescending "but don't you have any of your own children?" questions. All perfectly innocent and well meaning, but is anyone's first question to the wheelchair bound how he lost the use of his legs? The meditation has calmed a lot of this, and I've even made the best of it by just telling people with a straight face that the children who look nothing like us are actually my kids. Very entertaining seeing the faces when I call the teen mom my daughter and just look inquisitively when they nervously laugh. I let them either assume I'm 20 years older than I look or I'm a madman.
Anyway, it's an exciting time in my life, and it's an experience I'm extremely grateful for taking the plunge into. We almost didn't do it, but it's given me a whole new insight into the silent suffering that goes unseen in society, where the victims are all children.
9
Comments
Bravo.
Good luck with the vipassana (*)
I loved reading your story of a diverse family. What fun you are having . . . Good luck to you and your wife. Outstanding.
What a wonderful story of metta and the lengths to which you have gone to help those who you rightly say are the silent sufferers.