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Being Kind ain't Dharma
lobster
Crusty Veteran
'Being Kind' ain't Dharma, it's basic humanity. Even dogs do it. So it is basic as basic can be.
So perhaps don't think yourself as being on the path to Buddhahood if you develop a little kindness and compassion, you may just be on the path to being a mensch - a basic human.
Real dharma kindness is a higher order of bodhicitta and Metta which takes wisdom. The Wisdom of what to say or do and when and how.
I think we all knew that really . . . :grey_question: 
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There’s a list of paramita, or qualities, and kindness is on that list, at least on the Theravada list.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pāramitā
But wisdom is the hardest quality I guess because it is not defined; because it is open; because it is custom made.
Wisdom can at times be seen as being 'cruel to be kind'
The inquest (witch hunt) was one of the most horrendous acts to take place on earth. The inquisitors who burnt the "witches" alive thought they were doing the right thing as the witches might repent and be saved an eternity of damnation.
Hmmm maybe this post was a bit extreme example.
We definitely need wisdom. With wisdom compassion will arise. How can it not when you see the cause of suffering.
Trungpa called 'basic humanity' as 'basic sanity' or 'the earth is good' (I am extrapolating)
I have noticed especially in Theravada texts that a lot of emphasis is placed on the development of wisdom.
Since Ignorance has got us where we are (that is, mired in despondency), naturally the antidote would be its opposite: Wisdom.
When you are a parent and spend years watching the development of tiny mensch, you realize that kindness and compassion are not a given.
We learn to be kind.
No wonder it is kids who don't have the opportunity to be exposed to a good education that make the most ruthless criminals in adulthood.
Oh, yes. Al-non the sister organisation to A.A. are black-belts at this kind of thing. They're taught never to get in the way of an alkie and their rock bottom.
Suffering can be a great teacher if the pupil is ready.
If I have an emphasis for my own practise, it'd have to be compassion (even if dogs do it as well; which is cool; I love dogs). And since it's mostly alcoholics I practise compassion on, it has, in the past, been quite a hard kind of compassion. For example if someone I'm helping phones me drunk, I'll encourage them to keep drinking and suggest all kinds of ways they can get themselves in trouble with it. The sooner they get themselves in a hole, the sooner they want to get out of it (I hope).
But I'm currently trying to practise not having expectations of the guys I try to help. I'll spend time with them, listen to them, share my experience with them, and make suggestions. And then try to step back and let what happens happen, without getting attached to the outcome.
Last night, the latest guy I'm helping was dropped off at my house by his wife - who thought, since Chris had been drinking, he shouldn't have came. Normally I would've been disappointed, since I expect these alcoholics to at least be sober when we start going through the 12 Steps. But like dogs bark, alkies drink, so I was friendly and just did what I do with them. I suggested he gets a sober day in today, left him with some suggested reading and recovery CDs, but I'll not have any expectations, good or bad, whether he does or not.
It's very much a practise of focussing on what I'm doing or not doing, rather than what others are doing or not doing.
It doesn't seem to be difficult to do this with alcoholics in A.A., but I think if while practising compassion towards my family, I could apply the same kind of 'non-expectations' to them - particularly the ones I live with - life would go a lot easier.
It's difficult when you've got a family like mine though.
We do. That is an ongoing continuum. Basic development, or missed development might mean getting to the missed basics first.
Part of the reason for developing wisdom is to empower the capacity of this continuing education . . .
According to one story, when Chenrezig was about to enter Nirvana he looked back and saw the suffering of the world, and he wept and vowed to remain in the world until all beings were enlightened. Tara is said to have been born from Chenrezig's tears. In a variation of this story, his tears formed a lake, and in that lake a lotus grew, and when it opened Tara was revealed.
http://buddhism.about.com/od/vajrayanabuddhism/fl/Tara-Buddhist-Goddess-and-Archetype-of-Compassion.htm
Wasn't it the Dalai Lama who said "My religion is kindness"?
I'm confused by the OP.
Yep.
Consider the source
Are you joking, @lobster? Being kind is certainly the first step toward what you call metta, wisdom, and so on. It is hardly basic, and it doesn't come to humans easily. This forum is a perfect example - full of self-proclaimed Buddhists who wax lyrical on kindness ....... yet ready to attack people who have slightly different views. As you can see, being kind or sensitive isn't at all easy or 'merely' basic. It is quite a struggle for most.....
Actually, common kindness in this world doesn't seem to be so common. Most interactions between us humans seem to be short on it. Therefore, I consider it precious and rare.
Maybe "dharma" is more than kindness. However, "dharma" without kindness seems pretty worthless to me-- a detached pursuit to make oneself feel special, to distract oneself from what's real. As my Zen teacher might say, it's all just stupid thinking.
Sure, they talk about "crazy wisdom" when one acts in questionable ways to awaken others. I'm sure there are people who can do that skillfully but I'm also sure that they are so few and far between that considering their example is a diversion for most of us.
As soon as one starts talking about "higher order" of anything, they are lost. Real dharma is in the most basic acts of living. Those who have progressed along the spiritual path are humble, simple and agreeble, making every effort to not set themselves aside from all other humans.
Sorry for sounding harsh, @lobster, but be careful now. It seems like you're lost in the realm of ideas that appear "high" to you. Such ideas are always utter bull*it. Now go out there and be kind
@lobster :
Re-reading what I wrote to you earlier:
...I cannot deny that this statement applies to my own post
The point being made is that unkindness, cruelty etc is sub human behavour. Perhaps some feel it is OK to be unkind because it is so common. Common sense seems in short supply but before going for wisdom, basic sanity and common sense would seem in order.
Humanity is our goal before Buddhahood is what I am suggesting . . .
I think @lobster is on the right track here.
A basic level of kindness and courtesy is sort of like a basic level of doing your job. It should be considered what's normal for a human being. Of course, we know lots of people can't do that basic level of interaction, but it's still "the standard".
Then there's what people may refer to as "the gold standard". The person who is a humanitarian. Who goes above and beyond "the job". The person to whom someone might say, "You made a difference in my life". That's compassion and Dharma...in my view.
If it's as common as you claim then it should be viewed as status quo and entirely "human", although I suspect you referring to some sort of idealized "human" quality that you have yet to define.
I see the contrary. I see plenty of kindness in people. Plenty. That's from giving up a seat on the bus/train, handing a homeless person a dollar, watching their neighbors dogs and so on. There's lots of unkindness, too, but still plenty of good, old-fashioned kindness too.
"basic sanity", (whatever that is) and common sense wouldn't seem to have much of anything to do with kindness
Your goal, perhaps, and it's a good one. Work on that humanity, and if your experience is truly as bleak as you suggest, you might look to your own life and perceptions before telling us what a shithole we all live in.
Dogs will also eat their own young. How kind is that?
Ever study Trungpa's Shaambhala teachings?
I guess that makes you SOL then
I would say so.
Without proper nurturing, socialisation individuals can be intolerant, unkind to others and so on. However we recognise well balanced and unbalanced people in our respective cultures. People who are altruistic and benevolent are usually considered beneficial to their society.
Many of us struggle with kindness, maybe with particular people, at certain times or situations. However I would suggest most people here are well meaning and kind.
Good thing too, who wants the company of unkind people? Not me.
I love your distinction between wisdom and kindness there. As they say with karma, the most important karmic result of an action is it's intention. When dogs act kind or affectionate to those that feed and love them, it is totally different from the altruistic kindness of awakened Buddhist practitioners. Buddhism allows one to nurture that good intention
Wisdom is that you cannot hold anything forever. Kindness is giving away in the light of the former.
I'm not sure if using animals is a good comparison. I thought the journey was more about becoming less human and more compassionate. I feel Wisdom is not something you can hold nor something you seek - Perhaps best viewed through a compassionate heart that sees and does, rather than speaks.
Of course. The capacity increases, except those who relish their discourtesy as mental toughness, in fact they are weaklings.
The degree to which we can express and inspire kindness is a mark of our own kind nature. The ability to not engage with the shit head in ourself or others is a personal practice we can practice . . . or not.
I choose to struggle.
I would not have believed kindness was such an uphill struggle, except that the past two days, I'm so unskillfuly biting!
![:\](https://newbuddhist.com/plugins/emojiextender/emoji/little/confused.png ":\")
Strangely enough, I've been working overtime on my meditation, so I guess some things are dredging up that call for attention and resolution.
Excuse my mindfully unskillful manners until issues get resolved
@DhammaDragon not unusual to be as you say presented with a challenge.
Here be dragons
I agree with @lobster, and I believe people are not considering carefully the point being made. Every religion out there, every philosophy of life that seeks to address how we behave toward each other, has at its core the commandment to be kind to each other. If that was the entirety of the Dharma, we wouldn't need Buddhism. Just latch onto one of those other popular religions and plant your butt in the pew on Sunday.
And a huge majority of the followers of these religions miss the point and fail miserably. Most of them can't even be kind to themselves or their own family, leave alone the outsider and stranger and outcast. That's because the religion soon got loaded down with ritual and rules that ignored the central question "So exactly how do I learn to be kind to everyone?"
The Dharma is the recipe for a clear mind free from suffering. Kindness is a characteristic of a clear mind, but it goes beyond that. Here is where the Dharma becomes hard to explain. But saying that "Being Kind ain't the Dharma" is one way of putting it. Being kind is not the Dharma. But it's not NOT the Dharma, as well.
I trust this has made my point sufficiently muddy.
@lobster: I won't let hubby know there's an ad searching for "unwanted dragons" or he'll get rid of me on the spot
Right now, being mensch is hard enough for me.
Once you attain mensch then you have tzaddik to strive for _ /|\ _
Oy vey, it never ends, already!
Many thanks for that. Never heard of that wonderful concept. How wonderful to have such dharma (in the wider sense) . . . all I got is a symbolic baby splashing and a wafer (Catholic stuff)
http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tzadik
Still working up to lesser mensch status
Judaism - the religion with homework
Actually being unkind, cruel and selfish is just as human as being kind, compassionate and generous. Saints and sinners are both humans. Buddhahood is something else.
Golly ... and there's me trying to become a human being instead of a human doing!