Dumb question of the day: Might compassion sometimes encourage evil behavior?
zenguitar
Bad BuddhistNew England Veteran
Hi Sangha, please bear with me. My questions may sound clueless and annoying but I am really struggling with this. My (dumb) question of the day is in the title of this thread.
What I am asking is, if a person is very kind and compassionate to all people, including those who are obviously very bad, won't some of those bad guys play this kindness to their advantage, by feigning remorse in order to avoid consequences and to continue their evil behavior?
That is, if you assume that everyone is basically good at heart, and you act that way, you may very well be an admired and well-loved person. That's good! But you might also be taken off guard by a tricky person who is really rotten at the core. In that case, it might be better to be less compassionate and all-embracing, and a little less all-forgiving. No?
And yet being hard-headed and wary of others seems contrary to the spirit of Buddhism, and spirituality in general. Hmm...
Comments
It is? Why not admire and love but not wear a doormat saying, 'please walk all over me'.
Buddhism: 'What's in it for me?' . . . Nothing . . .
Dude,
ANYTHING can happen, okay?
Is that a valid excuse to not extend compassion to all beings? No.
You seem to be preoccupied with determining who is deserving of compassion and who is not. Maybe you should do one of two things. Set that aside, or just go with it. You seem incllined towards the latter. Work with it. Cherry-pick who you will exxtend compassion towards. See where it leads you. See what fruit it bears.
The Buddha even said himself to sometimes ignore people or put your begging bowls upside down in front of some people. Not so much for you to ignore them or hurt them, but for them to come to the realisation that what they are doing is wrong, and so they might become humble and such.
At least this is what I have recalled.
Being compassionate does not mean being stupid.
If you can see things more clearly, you won't be taken advantage of unwittingly very often.
Look around at your world. You will see what is going on. You can figure out how to act.
I once heard that the Christians sometimes apply a perfectly acceptable prayer: "Dear Lord, please give him/her a swift kick in the ass."
It's difficult to answer this question without answers sounding recycled from similar answers we have already given you to similar questions you have asked before.
This cliché of the simpering doormat Buddhist is sooooo passé....
First of all, there is no way anyone can avoid the consequences of their behaviour, and if they do continue their bad behaviour, the consequences will sooner or later blow out in their own faces. More to their own damage than to ours.
Whether people are basically good at heart, I don't know, but everyone deserves a chance and can find the way to redeem themselves.
Examples abound in history. Sometimes all it took to make a difference in their lives was crossing paths with a compassionate person.
Be admired and well-loved? A Buddhist is not compassionate and ethical in order to be admired and loved. He's above those self-related concepts.
Be taken off guard? Then what? Do you have to don an armour to avoid getting hurt? Open the umbrella before it rains? Be hard? Mistrusting?
In that case I would be punishing myself more than I would be punishing the evil-doer.
Thanks, I'm not so much concerned about me getting hurt. I'm more worried about other people that I have a duty to protect getting hurt. I think that's a valid concern.
People that you have a "duty to protect"? I should I take that to mean that you are a police officer? Can't these people protect themselves?
I'm not trying to undermine your responsibility, if it involves children, the aged, or infirm, but as you've heard from others on this forum, being Buddhist does not protect us from bad luck, pain or suffering. But it gives us the tools for approaching and withstanding these inevitabilities.
I always tell my son "Be nice, but not too nice" (= be self-assured, not a simpering jerk) and children get it just right.
My son has been bullied most of his first school year.
A year later, the situation is totally reversed: somehow my son managed to get those bullies off his back.
They even greet him amicably when we meet them on the street.
I would give anything to spare my son from the afflictions of life but it doesn't work that way.
It's inevitable that some people will misuse a kindness or extended understanding. But it doesn't follow that your compassion FEEDS their evil behavior, it does anything but feed it.
Compassion is as simple, it's a state of mind. Compassion does NOT mean exposing vulnerabilities to anyone. You choose how far you'll open up as trust is built, and no faster. NOT trusting someone has nothing to do with compassion. NOT offering your friendship has nothing to do with compassion.
There are always examples of people giving their last shirt to cover a naked woman or giving their last dollar to a homeless person -- and these are called 'compassion'. Like that is the TRUE expression of compassion. Turning the other cheek is another one.
So you have to go inside yourself and from your inmost resources, allow your definition of compassion to come forth. Whatever 'outer' images of compassion strike you as stoopid or foolish are obviously not your honest, genuine expression of compassion. Cuz you see how foolish they are.
You get to make it up as you go -- rather than aspire to be this idealized (and often foolish) version of 'compassion'. This is where I see Christianity and Buddhism getting put on backwards. These ideals are just more idols, more fingers pointing at the moon.
LOL, no, I mean my own family.
Ok, thank you everyone, I promise, no more dumb questions...this year.
And Happy New Year to all!
@zenguitar
I didn't think it was a dumb question. We just have to be wary of those around us that may think of us as either prey or bait. Happy new year!
I'm actually almost done with it myself, and it does a good job of discussing concerns like yours with regards to compassion.
Thanks @Rowan1980 , I will check that out. I am also reading No Mud No Lotus by Thich Nhat Hanh now and actually trying to absorb/practice it.
Happy 2015 to those of you who are already there!
Still 8 hours to go here...
2-and-a-quarter, here....
@zenguitar compassion is compassion and the person who tries to trick you does so because they are suffering...Compassion is never lost on them...
"HAPPY NEW YEAR ALL! "...almost 11 hours into 2015 already in Aotearoa (NZ)..
Guess compassion may be a question of being kind rather than being nice? Got this quote today which indicates the difference:
May we all experience kindness in this new year, within and without
Amen to that, dearest. (No wonder my English teacher hated the word 'Nice'. "Not for nothing, does it rhyme with Vice", she used to say....)
Ajahn Thanissaro describes compassion as "what goodwill feels when it encounters suffering: It wants the suffering to stop"; and it covers everything from the passive non-doing of harm to others to the active relieving of suffering. So in that sense, we're not limited to just loving and embracing someone who's causing us harm. In addition, compassion is something we also direct towards ourselves, which means we seek to reduce and relieve our own suffering as well as that of others.
This is why the two wings of Buddhism are compassion AND wisdom. Wisdom is used to discern whether our actions are truly compassionate and it means seeing reality as it really is, rather than seeing it through deluded eyes - rose tinted glasses and failing to see the true nature of people is lack of wisdom.
Furthermore, in teachings I have read, it is stressed that being compassionate does not always make us well loved and liked by all - it often involves telling people what they do not want to hear because they need to hear it as they are damaging themselves or others.