What has made you realise there is more than one View!
Today, I went to go and pick up my kids from school. To find my drive obstructed by a car...
My problem was I had to pick up my kids whose school is 6 miles away.
Called the police and was told, nought they could do - call council and they might be able to remove car. Didn't solve my problem though, Wrote a note and put it on the windscreen.
Blocked the car in with another.
Then a woman came along with a young japanese girl who looked drugged, and said it was her car. She was calm and collected. I tried to understand why she had parked across my drive. Was told 'nowhere else to park....'
I enabled her to go and asked her why young girl looked drugged as was suspicious? Was told she was collecting her 'from around the corner';.. and had Asburger's
Then it dawned on me that the girl was being collected from the MIND centre (in UK MIND is a charitable organisation for people regarded as having mental disability).
Mentally kicked myself in the nuts!
So what is the moral of this story:
Don't assume someone is parking in front of your drive to annoy you; their moral imperative and need was greater.
This reminded me of a time a couple of years ago when I had to go and visit someone in an emergency situation. I partly closed someones drive off and when I returned to pick up my car, I thought they were going to beat my head in with a baseball bat... After I explained I was a doctor and it was a real emergency, they were still angry but put the bat down....
Told everyone how badly they had reacted; now I'm the bad reactor!
Any similar experiences out there?
Comments
I always assume my computer is deliberately trying to annoy me. I'm usually wrong.
It has happened enough that now I am more able to think about "what might this person's situation be?" before I get angry. It is a great lesson
I can't think off the top of my dayquil addled brain a recent example. I do know that any time someone seems to be driving in a manner I find unreasonable, I immediately remind myself there might be an emergency. That the night my son had a diabetic emergency when he was 2 years old and I drove him to the emergency room at 2am, I probably was not the best driver, either.
Sometimes, it comes down to simply realizing that not everyone is mindful all the time, and that is worth a little "it's ok" and a smile and a nod their way. It happens to all of us. The other day I was at a 4 way stop and I saw a car coming too fast down a snowy hill (with the stop at the bottom) I had the right of way. I knew they wouldn't be able to stop. I could have gone. Person might have hit me, or maybe I would have eeked past safely and given them a heart attack. But I just waited, and as they slid into the intersection, they grinned at me and waved, made me laugh. One of those mutual "Man, sometimes winter driving sucks" recognitions.
Mainly rudeness!
There is, on the one hand, a "fair and balanced," non-faultfinding, loving approach and, on the other, a contentious, complaining approach. These are views.
BUT DOES IT ALL really, in the end, boil down to RESPECT?
One's view is always focussed, though, I think. That's where conflict arises.
In my first job in nursing many years ago, there was among my patients in the nursing home a retired nurse named Flossie. Being put into a "home" was an "adjustment" already enough for her; however, after being there a few weeks she got a new roommate. Into her room was put a woman noisily dying of heart failure with legs oozing out about a pint of "dew" per hour as that patient sat there suffering. Of course, both were in my care and I also had great concern for both. However, the stress this new patient put the retired nurse Flossie into caused her (Flossie) to break out into shingles.
I simply spoke out to a few people on the staff that it was not right to subject anyone to such a distressing situation and that the two should be in separate rooms (or ideally the newer patient alone in a private space). But what was HEARD by a new nurses' aide (whose boyfriend this second patient was grandson to) was that his grandmother was "mean." Or at least that's the way it came down to me from the front office.
"Don't find fault with or disrespect my family!" That's to say, "Don't mess with Me and Mine, and be sure not to impede my mobility by Parking in My Parking Space!"
I think it was on a book by Stephen Covey, that he mentioned he was once on the underground and two children were playing very loudly close to him.
They were becoming a real nuisance and the father, who was also present, did not seem to do anything about it.
People were beginning to get really upset, so Covey decided to go up to the father and ask him if he could please stop the children from being so loud.
The father looked up to him absent-mindedly and said: "Ah, the children! My wife has just passed away in hospital. I don't know how to handle the situation yet. I guess they don't know either."
That brought on a wave of compassion from all the people in the wagon.
Everyone began to volunteer help.
Covey felt terrible for having assessed the situation so badly.
Mine is so not so dramatic as you guys's. But I probably make someone feel bad. Recently, I accidentally told to a work colleague how pointless, useless and time consuming the movies are after forgetting that he is a real fun of films.
Homeless people. If you talk to them, the story isn't usually the one you've been told to expect.
Be careful, below video might cause some tears...
I assume nobody and nothing is trying to annoy me. I am usually right. Hope that doesn't annoy anyone but no doubt it can . . .
I have pretty much found in all my encounters recently that when I eventually hear the other side of the story I feel like a prat for jumping to conclusions. Like @karasti I now try and catch myself.
My uncle and aunty live near a church. Somebody attending church parked across my uncle's drive way so he interrupted the service and asked the priest to get the person to move so he could get his car out!
There IS only 1 view!!
So henceforth I will be letting you know when you are wrong. No. Don't thank me!
@Jeffery for moderator!
It is US who get annoyed, but we always have to blame somebody or something else...
I'd 'ate to fink that sumfink was my fault though....
I
You Guys!
But that is only a particular perspective!
@zombiegirl - great post; it hit the spot nicely...
I believe it so easy to get so wrapped up in one's personal view, thoughts and habits, that we miss something so simple... and it is this (from my perspective) - we are all in this together, and sometimes, we need to realise there is another perspective that might need to be taken into consideration, and given the respect it deserves....
Mind you - I should be very grateful if you don't park in front of my drive in future... My need may be greater than yours! However, I'll start by writing a message to you on a piece of paper attached to your windscreen and give you 30 minutes to clear off! Then I'll block you in!
...\lol/...
>
Good for him!
I'm sorry, but I honestly believe there really isn't any excuse for deliberate bad manners.
When my H finds fault with others,or has a gripe, I'm forever telling him "until you know why, for sure for sure, why ~such and such~ has happened, don't get mad... there could be a perfectly legitimate reason....Don't jump to conclusions. You never know, they might have had a crisis.... wait and see..."
Believe me or not, I am the calming voice of reason that always tries to give the benefit of the doubt....
Sadly, more often than not, we discover it really was just another case of bad manners....
Exactly so.
That sexist woman, that ignorant cructacean, that f!$&ing computer, that thoughtless parker, that jobless drugee, that biased moderator, that inexcusable trolling poster, that unenlightened lama, that selfish cushion, that murdering soldier/terrorist/executioner/butcher, that thoughtless word . . . that damn other . . .
je suis la cause
However as @DhammaDragon and so many illustrate and inspire all the time, we can as much as possible; listen, understand, assume there are reasons for the unreasonable/unkind/selfish/twisted. Too hard? It gets easier, or perhaps more subtle, we do our best . . . it is part of why we try to follow the path . . . [I blame the blameless Mr Cushion . . .]
je suis la cause
It's easy to assume it's a case of bad manners though, too. Perhaps the family's teenager drove to church for the first time and hadn't noticed it was a driveway. Here, in the winter, it's very hard to see where curbs stop and starts, and we have a lot of old, unused buildings. So sometimes it appears as if it is a driveway but it is not, and sometimes vice versa. People usually do the best they can with the information they have at the time. We are always considering why people do things that annoy others, why they go against common sense. We all have our pet peeves. I do, for sure. But my pet peeves are my problems to deal with. Not for me to blame the bad manners of others. They are my learning opportunities.