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Loneliness as a good thing
Amthorn
Explorer
For those feeling lonely. I know I often feel this way.
http://www.elephantjournal.com/2009/02/chogyam-trungpa-rinpoche-pema-chodron-the-buddhist-view-of-loneliness-as-a-good-thing/
http://www.elephantjournal.com/2009/02/chogyam-trungpa-rinpoche-pema-chodron-the-buddhist-view-of-loneliness-as-a-good-thing/
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Comments
There is a difference between isolation, retreat, being solitary and loneliness.
People who seek fulfilment from others are not addressing the central Buddhist insight. Befriend yourself.
Do you feel alone or lonely in meditation?
A little loneliness can go a long ways.
There is a difference between being alone and feeling lonely. Self reliance and being independent is not for everyone.
I've lived alone for quite a while, and it's OK. I do find it much easier to be mindful when I am by myself.
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Yes, and it can lead to a door marked 'despair'.
I feel 'complete' in my unpaired up state, and don't remember every feeling lonely in a chronic way. When my very close female friend died from cancer, after living with me and the kids for the last three years of her life, I think THEN I felt something huge was missing, it felt like a hole, but it had her shape to it. It wasn't something I could 'fix' by inserting someone, anyone.
When I ended my marriage, being alone again was such a relief I don't think I felt lonely then. I lived in a very rural area and on a farm, so that I never saw other humans for days on end. Now THAT made me feel a little bit crazy, if I went five or so days without seeing another human being in the flesh. I'd feel anxious and depressed for no apparent reason, and then I'd go to the store for groceries and come home feeling WONDERFUL for no apparent reason, until I figured out I was suffering from lack of basic human contact. Just talking to a clerk was enough to 'ease' me, but it took me a while to figure it out.
When I meditate, I don't feel alone, when I can bring myself to mindful awareness, I don't feel alone. Even if I am in a crowded place and the other people there don't acknowledge my existence, I have nothing but compassion for them.
In my own way, I look at the emotion for what it is. A craving. A craving for fellowship, community, communication. I think I liked this article because it reminded me that this craving is really a form of compassion in itself. Letting go of the attachment to the need for fellowship is wise, of course, but acknowledging the source of it is helpful to me.
I remember reading somewhere that the Zen teacher Shunryu Suzuki once confided to the Tibetan teacher Chogyam Trungpa, his good friend, that he sometimes felt lonely when plying his Buddhist trade.
When I read it, I was surprised or perhaps even flabbergasted: How could what I imagined was an accomplished teacher ever feel such a mundane and 'unenlightened' (more imagination) thing? It brought me up short. And then it occurred to me that being brought up short indicated that I imagined Buddhist practice was aimed at somehow getting rid of all the stuff I considered unpleasant or bad... stuff like loneliness. The recognition was useful to me.
These days, it's a little easier, perhaps. Sometimes loneliness sucks and, like @Hamsaka, I feel wonderfully lighter after talking with a WalMart clerk. And sometimes being alone is just fine. Putting a cookie-cutter generalization around the topic -- heaping on observations from a Buddhist point of view, for example -- takes more energy, and offers less result, than it's worth.
Sometimes, things suck. Is that news? Sometimes they're smooth and fine. Is that news? Sometimes yes, sometimes no, but pretending either is something it is not takes too much energy for too little fruitful payback.
Just old-fart noodling.
There are some persons who are not pure at heart end but feeling lonely in crowd or numerous relative around...
If you are pure or truthful then there would be someone with you at least your pure heart will never let you feel you alone.
There would be feeling like a hell to live in between back stabbing friends and relatives....It would be much better to live alone than in bad and frustrating company.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't the point of a sangha to have spiritual friends to help you along the way? And if you have some like-minded friends, presumably you won't be quite so lonely.
Yes, that's certainly the case. Though I don't think there's any substitute for face-to-face contact with other Buddhists.
I agree with you, though I think there are people who take the view that any company is better than none.
Yes, it can. And I think there's a big difference between choosing to be alone and having it forced on you by circumstances.
Finding like minded friends is somewhat challenging, at times, it my experience.
Exactly. And, btw, I just noticed in my post that I wrote "along" instead of "a long". I should proof read more!
Friends are wonderful and sometimes supportive, but is there anyone who can know what it is to breathe in and breathe out or feel the fiery knees after hours of meditation or experience your love? Helpful friends are wonderful, but aren't we all traveling in a land where no help is possible and everything simply helps?
Yes, let's all lend a hand AND let's not get bamboozled.
When being mindful one is never lonely !
Loneliness comes from being mind "full" ...
I'm not sure that's true. Mindfulness would presumably make one more aware of the feelings of loneliness.
@SpinyNorman,
I've lived alone for many years(I like to see it as a form of a long term retreat) and for the first year or so loneliness was a constant companion, however the more I practiced mindfulness the less I felt lonely...(Also Metta and Tonglin helped)
Through mindfulness one will eventually find that the so called self to be just a constant state of flux...
The second noble truth the cause of Dukkha ie "attachment" "clinging" to thoughts feelings etc etc .... Therein lies the nuts & bolts of "loneliness"
So the more one can practice mindfulness the easier it will becomes to just let go...
@SpinyNorman,
I'm reminded of Bodhidharma :
The most essential method which includes all other method is beholding the mind-The mind is the root from which "all things" grow-If you can understand the mind-Everything else is included ! (including loneliness)
I think you're right, I was suggesting that mindfulness by itself isn't enough.
But I avoid most parties and social gatherings to be by myself. Not lonely. Just being alone has no expectations.
It's really hard to meditate and contemplate reality with people around. Even just talking is quiet a distraction.
Those of you who live alone! Your lucky as far as practice goes!
I feel [insert Dukkha/arising of choice] . . . that is real. Many dharma junkies, full time practitioners, deluded beginners like myself etc, are full of unresolved emotional arisings. Some of us are so stifled, stuffed and repressed we hardly know what is going on . . . Some who seem so free are so alone
Oh the humanity
What is a gal to do? Time for a musical interlude?
(....Why on earth they ever raised a statue to her is beyond me.... next thing we know Charles Manson will have a monument dedicated 'to a greatly misunderstood genius'....
)
Might have something to do with her singing voice . . . not her personal life, other great female jazz singers were very similar, Billie Holliday for example . . .
Not good enough.
I don't see any monuments to Maria Callas, Ella Fitzgerald, Barbra Streisand....
She was a mess. And perhaps her retreat into a world of drugs, alcohol and other substances, may be an indication of her inner torment, loneliness and emotional isolation, and that is ultimately tragic. But she wouldn't be helped, and sometimes, we are our own worst enemies, and will destroy ourselves, no matter what the good intentions of others may be.
But a statue...?
Yes, living alone does make it easier to focus on practice. Though I think it's sometimes one of those situations where the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.
Sorry.
The Buddha never wanted a statue and looked what happened . . .
. . . meanwhile . . .
Oh Cool! I've never been more delighted to have been mistaken! Gimme Ella any day though....!