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dealing with thieves/robbery
dantepw
Veteran
This weekend I was having lunch in a public place with my girlfriend and a gentleman approached and asked for money to help him buy a ticket so he could go back home.
She gave him 2 bucks and I, well, I firstly told him I had no change and he insisted. I really wanted to help him out, so I reached out my wallet and when I opened it up there was $20 there.
He asked for it and I told him I couldn't share because it was my only money. He told me he had change (which I didn't realize at the moment how stupid that sounded) and I, ingenuously, handed it to him.
He ran. I reached him out and asked him to give it back. He said no and when I told him I was gonna call the police, he did so. Everything went just fine in the end.
My question is, has anybody here ever been a victim of robbery or anything else? What is the buddhist point of view about it?
I know this gentleman was possibly in need, but all I felt for him was anger. After a while I did calm myself down, but I do not know how to feel about it.
She gave him 2 bucks and I, well, I firstly told him I had no change and he insisted. I really wanted to help him out, so I reached out my wallet and when I opened it up there was $20 there.
He asked for it and I told him I couldn't share because it was my only money. He told me he had change (which I didn't realize at the moment how stupid that sounded) and I, ingenuously, handed it to him.
He ran. I reached him out and asked him to give it back. He said no and when I told him I was gonna call the police, he did so. Everything went just fine in the end.
My question is, has anybody here ever been a victim of robbery or anything else? What is the buddhist point of view about it?
I know this gentleman was possibly in need, but all I felt for him was anger. After a while I did calm myself down, but I do not know how to feel about it.
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Comments
What is the Buddhist view about robbery?
I don't understand the question.
This is suffering to the point of desperation.
Have you ever had to beg to get something you needed so desperately, that you were prepared to throw your honesty and dignity out of the window....?
Perhaps he was a drug addict. An addiction is stronger than anything else....
It's an awful thing to have to ask for money, but in fairness to you, you should never put up with being threatened, or intimidated.
Some people have turned desperation into an art form, and know sometimes thy can scare people.
Good thing you were with your GF....
I'm sorry you had to endure that, but try to understand how deeply into his own personal hell he had sunk....
Even though you might be left feeling shaken from this experience, it's a small shake all things considered. You handled it very well. You got your 20 back because you spoke up, so that was a right action, for sure. These things can leave one feeling a bit unnerved because you're not expecting it. Maybe a good thing to do now, is next time you are practicing mindfulness or meditating, you can register it before you start your session. I was wondering that since you called him a gentleman - how was he dressed and what kind of appearance and vibe did he have? It's great when any of us can be relaxed and yet alert for those unexpected happenings.
It sounds like a case of "Take the money and run" but in this case he got caught
There have been cases around the world of so-called Buddhist monks begging on city streets, asking for donations for what turned out to be a factitious temple somewhere in Asia...
A friend at the local Buddhist groups was confronted by such a monk and gave him $20 (this friend does not have a tv nor does he listen to the radio, so didn't know about these monks) and when I told him about the scam, he just shrugged his shoulders and said:
"Whichever way one cares to look at it, I carried out an act of generosity, the monk's need for the $20 no doubt was greater than my need to hold on to it!"
Yes, I've had things stolen more than one and my point of view has always been (whether I was Buddhist or not) "They must have needed it more than me. I hope they use it wisely." I had someone who went into my car, left money and music there, but stole my car battery. They must have really needed one. Minor inconvenience for me to get a new battery. Hopefully it helped the guy out.
Not saying robbery is a good way to go about that, that is just how I've thought about it when it's happened to me.
When my 2 oldest kids were little, after an overnight shift I had just cashed my paycheck to pay rent. I had a 5 year old and a new born with me, and I was bagging my groceries, and when I had sat my wallet on the counter next to me, someone stole it, with all $700 in it. I wish they had at least returned my IDs, but most likely they took out the money and threw the wallet in the trash. So not only did I have to borrow money (thankfully I had people to borrow from) to pay rent, but I had to pay to replace my identification and a bunch of other stuff that was a pain. Hopefully they needed it. If they did, I hope one day they make it up to someone. If they went and partied with it or something, then I guess I can be glad I had family to rely on and my life carried on. It's nothing but a vague bad memory for me, but it could be a lifestyle type choice for them and what a horrible place to be.
Zen's view of robbery is best found in the question....
"Who is so willfully blind as to not know themselves as a robber.
Can anyone here list any ways in which robbery today is so common as to be considered to be an almost acceptable activity?
Like...
Accepting pay from employers for time that was not work related?
stealing another's reputation?
Consuming more food than we actually need to survive?
Etc.
OP, were you having lunch in a restaurant, or at a sidewalk cafe? You could have gotten up when the man was insisting on taking your money, and gone over to the head waiter or asked for a manager, to report the harassment. Restaurants generally don't tolerate that type of activity, as it causes them to lose business.
A good lesson that's difficult, or uncomfortable, for some people to learn is that you don't have to be polite to people trying to rip you off. A lot of people will take advantage of someone's reluctance to be assertive. It's not only the perpetrater who's to blame; it takes two to tango.
And the Buddhist approach to many types of issue is that prevention is the best approach, whenever possible. One option in such a situation is to simply tell the person that you don't have cash for the bill, only a credit card. Or you could empty your pocket of change, then tell him that's the best you can do.;
@federica indeed that does make sense. As my girlfriend and @Shoshin 's friend said, the money (her money) was given out of generosity, so it didnt matter what the sir was gonna do with it.
@karasti that is a nice point! Always inspiring to see that perspective!
@Dakini he was dressing good enough. It was at the bus station (multiple restaurants and you can pick any of them and sit anywhere u want) and a security guard did approach me to talk about it after a couple seconds!
I'll be honest, I don't think there are many things -- outside of the basics -- that "Buddhism" has a view about.
Rather, Buddhist teachings help individual Buddhists and various Buddhist societies to develop their own views on such things.
... By providing a set of guidelines and teachings on morality... Buddhism may be non-theistic, in that there is no Being with a big stick, threatening or rewarding you in turns, but it does provide a moral foundation on which to build a better, more thought-out way of existing with one's fellow men....
Thanks @how we of course only steal from ourselves.
We rob ourselves of life by stealing ignorance and Dukkha. We are incompetent robbers. We steal fingers to point out others faults. We steal others eyes to make them see our way and abduct their ears till they hear our preferred message. We impoverish only our dwelling ....
Time for me to arrest a cushion ...
Use your anger as a learning tool
To see better how our attachments and aversions are the true cause of our unhappiness.
As for this guy who ran off, well now you no longer owe him that karmic debt.
Also remind yourself, "All of us are unhappiness and everything we do is done to try to make us happy.": So work on generating some compassion, that this guy has so little skill or knowledge in how to become happy.
You at least have Buddhism and are working on it
I have never been robbed in person. Someone broke into our house while we were on holidays and took everything ... even the electrical panel box and the hot water tank. They did leave our photograph albums. It was a sense of helplessness and anger, so I think I know how you feel. But I didn't have Buddhist tools at the time. You are fortunate to have them available for you.
Seems you saved him from his own karmic debt, @dantepw.
No, he didn't.
The man's karmic debt is still as it was.
The only one who can save him from karmic debt - is him.
Because actions have to be a part of conscience, and voluntary.
He only gave up after being threatened with calling the Police.
THis guy is up to his eyeballs in karmic debt, as much as he ever was.
Well the way I see it (and it's not here nor there), is that because dante made a stand, he was giving the man the chance to choose, and the man chose right, but natch, he shouldna done it in the first place, so I get it. He did choose to return the money, albeit with a slight twist of the psychological arm.
There's a difference between what I will call "free choice" and "oppressive choice". And you and I know this wasn't the first such scam he tried, nor will it be the last.
@FoibleFull ...
Wow, stealing an electrical load centre is risky! Live wires going in. Not the type of thing you want to mess around with. Unless you had a switch upcircuit that they turned off.
Yeah we know this is more than likely the case - so I think it's a feather in dante's cap.
Umn, what are you talking about?
@silver load centre=electrical panel box.
the wires going in are 'hot' from the utility company. Cutting them or trying to disconnect them is highly dangerous, and they would have had to disconnect those wires somehow to steal it. To do any work like that, you need to call your utility company first and have the electricity to your home disconnected. I was just surprised that someone actually went to the trouble of stealing that. Like I said, very dangerous.
Sorry, kinda hijacking this thread which was supposed to be about dealing with theft.
Actually, just pulling the electrical meter will disconnect your utility voltage going into a residential load center. U tube even offers tutorials showing how quick and easy it is. All you need to do is cut a token security clip that is as thin as a paper clip wire, peal off the weather seal and pull off the glass housing. All voltage is immediately cut off to the residence. It is Illegal to do as no one but utility workers are supposed to touch utility equipment but that's just a misdemeanor compared to what the thieves were preparing to do inside.
@how yeah-I suppose that's maybe how they did it. Seems like a lot of work to me, guess I'd make a pretty lousy thief! Still wouldn't recommend pulling the meter to do any work yourself, play it safe and call to have your power disconnected. Better than explaining to your utility co. why the security clip is cut. Guess you could claim ignorance, that would not be quite honest now, would it?
In Canada, that cut security clip will prompt the meter readers to report it to the power utility, who then report it to local authorities, who then send an electrical inspector with the legal authority to enter your home to check your electrical for any recent illegal or non-permit electrical work done to that house....and they are punitive..
Happily I do not feel anger for him anymore. He could be in need of the cash, who actually knows what leads someone to proceed with such action (as you guys said), right?
Hopefully I did change his mind, at least 1%, @silver
I just hope next time he tries to scams someone he consider it could result on some bad consequences; he could approach an agressive person and get injured, or even go to jail.
Well, it's gone now.
If you are generous and have plenty of 20 dollar notes, maybe you could tell us your route?....
PS I assume you will cover our travel expenses?
I was mugged at knifepoint when younger - I think I could have disarmed the assailant but it was better to hand over the £5 in my pocket - I backed away while demands were being made for my cash card - second time, I was at a music festival and my girlfriend at the time had handed me her entire life in a wallet... no idea why she brought it with her but there it was, in my pocket and I had a broken lucozade bottle to my face and 3 assailants - I played it calm and it defused with nothing handed over, but I lost a pair of sunglasses, broken by one of the muggers to make a point. Third time, it was much messier - the circumstances were different and I was forced to make a move to protect myself and the person with me - 2 were disabled, 3 ran and the police were called.
The first mugging shook me up - there was a lot of unresolved adrenalin and anger / fear - afterwards, I found myself much more nervous in every day situations, almost looking for the mugger in the sea of unknown faces - the second, water off a duck's back - the third, more concerned - I regret taking action, even though looking back, I still can't find a way out without doing what I did - still though, I regret it as 2 people were hurt and it could have been avoided by me not being there in the first place - I have sought to amend certain facets of my lifestyle to reduce the risk of putting myself and others in that situation again.
Not sure one can control how one feels about such an event - rather be aware of what arises and deal with it as with any other issue arising - take it slow - being robbed in this way is a form of abuse, an assault - you may well go through the stages of trauma / grief as with any such challenge - all the best to you.