I have trouble finding where I belong within Buddhism.
Goibhniu
New
Since high school, I've made values and wise words of Buddhism a part of my life. These values have helped balance my views of others, myself, and have helped my depression even in its worst times. As well, I'm a soldier of the U.S. Army and while some may see part of that job as violent, I find that protection of something or someone is a different thing. I value life. Even gave up consumption of any animal product. I've accepted death as an inevitable thing, but in such a positive light, that my depression could never convince me to let go of my own life. I carry a bone mala of skull beads to remind myself of death and the ox it was made from. It always reminds me that the end of ones life should not be feared, taken likely, and that there are burdens that one must carry, but carry them with strength. That's always helped me in my own way.
That was a bit lengthy. But I just wanted to share a little of who I am to simply ask what practice of Buddhism seems fitting to me? While I carry a mala and have some values of Buddism as my own, I want to get deeper into a practice.
Comments
I have been practicing Buddhism (with a monk/teacher) for over 14 years, and I STILL am not sure where I fit into Buddhism.
This is okay.
In order to fit in, to force myself into this format or that, I would have to start shutting doors to learning, to discovering.
Buddhism is about discovering your own truths within yourself.
It is not about values, which are only ideas and concepts, but is instead about what WE observe through our meditation .. through our mindfulness.
Keep on meditating ... do Vipassana if you do not have a monk/teacher to guide you.
And rather than trying to push yourself in this direction or that direction, just SEE where you take yourself, where the insights of mindfulness draw you.
Ideas and concepts are useful .. primarily because they help keep our motivation up for DOING the practices. But they are no substitute for meditating or for the other practices.
Dedicating more time to meditation will take you deeper into your practice. You don't necessarily have to choose a tradition to be able to do that. Do some volunteer work with those who are less fortunate. Spend time helping people through kindness and compassion. There is no deeper practice than that, in my opinion.
Welcome @Goibhniu. Hope you find something useful here.
My feeling is that the "depth" of practice cannot be adequately measured ... ever. Today's "deep" understanding will always turn into tomorrow's "shallow" appreciation ... and vice versa. Assessing is not really very accurate or useful: How many places could you possibly be in any given moment? As one saying has it, the sole encouragement that means much is "begin ... and ... continue."
Meditation is one of the most useful of Buddhist practices. It can bring a 'deeper' meaning to what is currently 'deep.' But likewise, it can upset the entire apple cart and throw every understanding into disarray.
Nevertheless ... begin ... and ... continue.
Best wishes.
Hi @Goibhniu - Some truly great responses, I don't think I can improve much on, and they've helped me, too. But, sounds like you're doing rather well, thus far. I will take my own mindfulness a little bit further.
Read the first two discourses of the Buddha called Dhammacakkapavattana Sutta and the Anatta-lakkhana Suta.
http://www.budsas.org/ebud/ebsut001.htm
http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/sn/sn22/sn22.059.mend.html
I think the best place to start are the practices that are common to all traditions. Things like keeping the precepts and doing meditation practice. Regardless of what tradition you eventually fall into, those will still be a part of it.
After a while @Goibhniu ( regardless of what school/tradition you settle into) you'll find that there's no 'permanently abiding self/I' that belongs anywhere in the Dharma (the true nature of things) ...well perhaps only as a convenient analytical device when practising ....
May what you seek you find...
What do you mean by a fitting? Like a sangha? Or a focus of an area of study? What does deeper mean to you? More time invested?
Hello
When you say deeper ...
What are you practicing? Have you practiced? What are you drawn to?
@Goibhniu
I am often more complacent and unaware when comfortable than when uncomfortable.
Perhaps, looking for a place to fit in, better describes a tribal mentality than a Dharmic one.
You have all been very helpful. Thank you for the wisdom @FoibleFull.
@lobster, I've looked into Tibetan Buddhism when I was younger and I went to Mahayana practices while in Fort Benning, Georgia. I just feel loosely connected and that my mind itself has lost the focus I had meditating.
@how, I understand what you mean, I believe, when you use tribal. Too often I'm concerned what people think of me in a negative sense. I do enjoy making people laugh or smile though, it's how I myself feel happy. I need a balance within that.
@Jeffery, In a way, every question you asked.
Just keep going and you'll find what feels the most right for you by where your interest leads.
Well you know a touch of the Tantras is good for you already ...
http://medicalxpress.com/news/2014-08-reveals-vajrayana-meditation-techniques-tibetan.html
I find vajrayana practice/sadhana and focus has to come from the individual and any connection they have.
These might rekindle your practice ...
http://m.wikihow.com/Practice-Tibetan-Buddhism
http://next.berzinarchives.com
Start meditating. Keep reading (including this blog). Find a group (including this blog).
(Unfortunately, meditation cannot be done on a blog.)
Good luck!