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lost my cool

CuzowenCuzowen New
in Buddhism Basics

I just dramatically lost my cool. All of the sudden the weight of responsibilities of life just tore into me. I've been studying seriously for a while and everything has been going good. I've taken refuge, i've read a bunch of information online and even listen to you tube videos from respectable monks to gain a better understanding. I tend to steer away from forums, but I believe this might be the avenue due to the fact that it can be considered a westerner's problem of biting more than we can chew.

I went to my car to meditate and ending up complaining about stress on the phone to my girlfriend. At the end of the call, I found that I didn't even want to meditate because my head was in such a negative spiral. Today is no busier than any other and I can acknowledge all of the stress and time spent thinking about it was a waste. Its definitely something that will assist me in the future. I'm just not sure where it came from, and this is typically the point in my previous spiritual journeys where I said "f" it and went back to my old ways. Not this time though, but I just needed to share with a community of individuals who may have had some similar experiences.

ToshShoshinBunksEarthninjalobstersovaDavid

Comments

  • ToshTosh Veteran

    I've read (somewhere) that failure is an inherent part of any spiritual path. I guess mine's more 12 Step orientated and we've got a specific step (Step 10) which suggests what we do when we're disturbed. It goes along the lines of:

    1. Asking God to remove the defect. I don't believe in 'that kind of God', but it's useful to remind myself that when (for example), I'm angry, that the problem isn't with who I'm angry at, but the anger itself is the problem; and that anger is in my head. The problem is inside, not outside.

    2. Speak to someone about it. It's good to get another perspective. I guess you're doing that now.

    3. Make amends if necessary. If I've harmed someone, it's important I put the situation right, as best I can. Advice/perspective from speaking to someone about it will help.

    4. The last part is turning our minds to someone we can help. Practising compassion for others.

    I also think it's useful to remind myself that I'm human, I will make mistakes, I will get disturbed at times, and that's all very normal, even for highly spiritually evolved types like myself. O.o

    ShoshinVastmindlobster
  • CuzowenCuzowen New

    That's a good little list to think on. I like 4, a lot of the reason I got upset is due to selfishness. I work two jobs one I hate and one that gives me all the fulfillment I could ask for. The one I hate supports my family and gives me assurance that I can live in my house another month. I tend to overlook those very positive benefits. I take on a lot of burden but then get frustrated when it burdens me.

    Toshlobster
  • BunksBunks Australia Veteran

    @Tosh said:
    I've read (somewhere) that failure is an inherent part of any spiritual path. I guess mine's more 12 Step orientated and we've got a specific step (Step 10) which suggests what we do when we're disturbed. It goes along the lines of:

    1. Asking God to remove the defect. I don't believe in 'that kind of God', but it's useful to remind myself that when (for example), I'm angry, that the problem isn't with who I'm angry at, but the anger itself is the problem; and that anger is in my head. The problem is inside, not outside.

    2. Speak to someone about it. It's good to get another perspective. I guess you're doing that now.

    3. Make amends if necessary. If I've harmed someone, it's important I put the situation right, as best I can. Advice/perspective from speaking to someone about it will help.

    4. The last part is turning our minds to someone we can help. Practising compassion for others.

    I also think it's useful to remind myself that I'm human, I will make mistakes, I will get disturbed at times, and that's all very normal, even for highly spiritually evolved types like myself. O.o

    Sounds pretty much exactly like the "Four Opponent Powers" for purification in Tibetan Buddhism @Tosh.

    1. Develop regret (not guilt) for your actions.
    2. Mentally (or directly if possible) apologise to the people / person harmed.
    3. Make a determination to never undertake the action again (or for a set period if this is too much of a stretch)
    4. Undertake a practice of purification i.e. chanting, meditating on compassion or emptiness, community service etc.

    http://thubtenchodron.org/1992/08/purify-negative-karma/

    ToshVastmindlobstersova
  • lobsterlobster Crusty Veteran

    @Cuzowen said:
    I just dramatically lost my cool.

    You did? How dare you be human! :p

    ... oops ... me too. Family gathering yesterday. I was cutting the cake with a blunt knife and it was crumbling ...

    Suggestion to use a sharp knife involved a temper outburst. I iz dharma failure [lobster goes straight to newbuddhist naughty corner - hopes it haz cushion ...]

    Welcome to Newbuddhist. Be kind, some of us have issues ...

    (only one slice of cake was ruined in producing this response ...)

    Bunks
  • federicafederica Seeker of the clear blue sky... Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt Moderator

    Hence the proverb, you can't halve your cake AND beat it.

    silver
  • silversilver In the beginning there was nothing, and then it exploded. USA, Left coast. Veteran

    I guess I'd have to say that is another way of hitting a wall. We start to think\believe our own little corner of existence is all there is. When I go out of bounds so to speak, its a big reminder that we aren't "all that"--- y'know-- puts things in perspective. Just me...

    Walker
  • LionduckLionduck Veteran

    @Cuzowen said:
    I just dramatically lost my cool. All of the sudden the weight of responsibilities of life just tore into me. I've been studying seriously for a while and everything has been going good. I've taken refuge, i've read a bunch of information online and even listen to you tube videos from respectable monks to gain a better understanding. I tend to steer away from forums, but I believe this might be the avenue due to the fact that it can be considered a westerner's problem of biting more than we can chew.

    I went to my car to meditate and ending up complaining about stress on the phone to my girlfriend. At the end of the call, I found that I didn't even want to meditate because my head was in such a negative spiral. Today is no busier than any other and I can acknowledge all of the stress and time spent thinking about it was a waste. Its definitely something that will assist me in the future. I'm just not sure where it came from, and this is typically the point in my previous spiritual journeys where I said "f" it and went back to my old ways. Not this time though, but I just needed to share with a community of individuals who may have had some similar experiences.

    Welcome to Life 101. [Or 'Western Life 1A', whichever you choose] =)
    Sometimes, despite best intentions stuff blows up in our face.
    Sometimes we self detonate.
    If you don't step in it from time to time, what are you doing wrong?
    Chalk it up to experience and learn from it. [It seems you have.]
    If everything was always just perfect, we would never grow.
    If you need to mend some fences, do so.
    Just don't guilt trip yourself. Self-flagellation is neither healthy nor productive.
    (I see you are not and that is good.)
    Now get back on that bike and ride.
    (Don't forget to peddle this time) ;)

    Peace to all

  • CuzowenCuzowen New
    edited October 2015

    thank you everyone!

    EarthninjaBunks
  • ZeroZero Veteran

    @Cuzowen said:
    I take on a lot of burden but then get frustrated when it burdens me.

    Are you sleeping sufficiently and well?
    Many people are routinely sleep deprived and the modern lifestyle doesn't help - I blame Edison, the sleep-hating-hypocrite!
    Having regular restful sleep can assist with managing the stress and burdens of everyday life as they arise.

  • genkakugenkaku Northampton, Mass. U.S.A. Veteran

    The Zen teacher Ta Hui once counseled a student, "Do not be too virtuous. Too much virtue makes people crazy."

    lobster
  • CuzowenCuzowen New

    My sleep has been good lately. I'm in the middle of starting my own business. I teach guitar outside of my regular 9-5, and I am having a hard time balancing the additional workload. I'm up to 15 students a week which is great, but with a baby at home plus the nine year old at home, and my "real" job asking for Overtime. It just got to be a bit much. It was one of those moment most people have where I broke and questioned why I even put so much pressure on myself, instead of quitting it all and finding some land and a trailer to go plant some seeds and live for the rest of my life.

    I meditated this morning and lunch with no issues of negativity. :)

    Earthninjalobster
  • lobsterlobster Crusty Veteran

    Find your inner sloth. You will get even more done ...
    https://theconversation.com/why-everyone-should-embrace-their-inner-sloth-49531

    WalkerLionduck
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