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I feel like dying. What can Buddhism do for me?
dooksta123
Explorer
I'm already being treated by a doctor for my emotional issues. But I have days where I just don't want to live anymore and meditation is the last thing I want to do. I'm too tired to go into detail. What could I possibly be attached to that I feel like laying on this couch until I starve to death? This happens a lot. I'll never reach my goals like this.
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Self pity. Get off that couch and get your arse onto a meditation mat.
From what you've said above, you're healthy. You see a dr for emotional issues, and that's fine. A lot of people have emotional issues. What Buddhism can do for a start is to help you stop being so self centred and focusing on the negative. You're a LOT better off than many people and you need to put things into perspective and the 4 Noble Truths and Eightfold Noble Path can help. Try reading, REALLY reading about them and think it through to yourself. That can be the start of your meditation practise along with focusing on your breathing. After that you can start on the Sutras. Plenty of people here can recommend suitable ones for you.
If you find me harsh, I'm sorry you do. But until you're diagnosed with an illness that WILL kill you, I think you're being very self indulgent and need to get your sh*t together and DO something. You're young and time is on your side - grab it with both hands and run.
_ /\ _
Did you share with your doctor these feelings?
We'd be unwise to give you advice at this point...
Maybe you could re-phrase your question(s).
@dooksta123
What could I possibly be attached to that I feel like laying on this couch until I starve to death?
** You** could tell us what you think you might be grasping onto, rejecting or ignoring that is causing your suffering but
you might also have organic brain imbalances unrelated to your attachments that are affecting you as well.
What type of meditation are you doing when you feel like it?
A
Hey there @dooksta123 - sorry to hear about your suffering.
I can't vouch for this video (not having suffered from any form of depression for many years) but it may be helpful.
I would strongly suggest therapy also!
These are the things that helped me through depression, OCD, anxiety and, of course, suicidal thoughts a couple years ago.
First of all, no matter how miserable one is, there is always a tiny moment of joy and pleasure. Be it petting a puppy, having a good meal, sleeping, flirting with attractive people, gaming, no matter what it is, there is this thing. And this is where you should focus your attention for now. Do more regularly what makes you ACTUALLY feel good, not what was supposed to feel good. If you dont feel like doing it but you know in your heart you enjoy it and that is just the negativity stoping you, just push yourself.
Second, suicide comes from a thought. This thought flushes biochemicals to your body and these give you physical sensations - ie, heavy feeling on your chest, stomach butterflies, between others. Focus on that sensation. Give it a massage, apply some warm water, do whatever you can to physically relax it. The more you do it, the less the thoughts will mean something bad. Once they arrive, your brain will correlate them to the massaging/relaxation. Practice this conditioning and you will see miracles.
Finally, realize you are NOT your thoughts. Here. Imagine you are a banana. Ok, are you a banana now? Nope. The only way we believe these negative thoughts are related to our identity is because we ruminate them (for numerous reasons, like social conditioning, mental illness, etc) unconsciously and consciously and it fucks up the mind that bad. But the same way you are contemplating and ruminating suicide, you could obsess over being a banana and then believe you are one. Or you could obsess over being Buddha and then you are one. That is how our minds work.
I hope this helps, good friend. May you be happy and well and find peace during this tough journey, I have been there too and it does end. Do not choose a permanent solution for a temporary problem.
Peace
Well said.
Can you expand a little before hunger kicks in? Are you on medication for depression, if not do you need to be?
A is for apple by the way. Try starting there ...
BUddhism can do absolutely nothing for you whatsoever, at all. Nothing. Not a damn thing.
Why?
Because, my friend, it will hold every single answer you seek, but sadly, you have to do the work. All the wisdom, insight and instruction in the world will do nothing for you, unless you actively implement that wisdom, insight and instruction, for yourself.
A Chef may well devise the perfect menu, but ain't nobody gonna eat a damn thing if he don't go to that kitchen and cook it.
It may sound harsh, what we say here. But having personally coached a truly, deeply madly suicidal person "off the ledge" and back to 'safety' (He family had her sectioned, with her consent; she is now under treatment, thank goodness, and responding well) I have to say that if your doctor is treating you for 'emotional issues', either they're not as seriously severe as one might think, or you're seeing the wrong person, because if your condition was adequately severe, you'd be under a psychiatrist and under constant supervision.
BtW, the video posted above by @Bunks, is a pile of crock. (Sorry @Bunks, I'm sure you didn't know. No offence....)
It was seriously criticised some time ago, on another forum, and I actually entered into correspondence with the monk featured. We got into a right ding-dong because while his outline and methodology is 'sound' he has absolutely no medical understanding whatsoever of the different causes and conditions of depression, or the different types of mental afflictions people can suffer from. He breezily goes through different meditation instructions,while sat in the most glorious setting, far removed from the hustle-bustle of civilization.... it's unreal, I tell you....
I don't think BUddhism exclusively, will help you do anything.
But you could actually commit to a programme, in your area, like volunteering for the CoA, for example.
There's a programme run here in the UK by an organisation called 'Help the Aged' which combines a health regime with voluntary assistance. It gives participants a route to jog. On this route, are two stopping places. These stopping places are the homes of lone elderly people who might need an errand running, or just some company to talk to for a half hour. The volunteer jogs the route, stops off at the two locations, and does whatever the lone elderly person needs.
Participants have been relatively young people who themselves, have needed help to integrate back into the community. Supervised drug addicts, getting clean, or people on probation who have committed a petty crime. All people disjointed and distanced from a community, those who have known a bad period in their lives, who just need a foot up on the ladder.
The whole period might take two to three hours, by the time you've jogged, or cycled, and visited the two people. But the rewards are amazing, and the feeling of support - mutual - is incredible.
And it will definitely get you off the couch, and help with your 'emotional issues'.
Without a doubt.
Stick with it, this too will pass no matter how bad it feels. Everything changes and moves on, it's impermanent. I've been there too, it will pass.
We are routing for you.
If you have clinical depression, we are not in a position to advise you. You need a doctor.
What is the first achievable goal? Strangely dehydration can lead to lack of energy. The whole of the British Empire and the start of American independence started with a nice cup of tea ...
Are we being too simplistic? Would you just prefer to waste away, like a forgotten sofa?
OM MANI PEME HUM - I have set the dharma dogs on you ... that should get you beyond 'A' um ... um ...
Dehydration is actually a very good point.
I had a stinking head cold, and I work, all day, standing behind a counter, on my feet, all day, talking to people, and handling fabrics.
Fabrics ABSORB moisture. Hence the atmosphere is very dry. Talking expends vapour form the mouth - hence, we lose water.
We don't get much of an opportunity to drink.
It's ok; we're allowed water (a short step off the shop floor, where a handy shelf, is supplied to put our bottles of water on.....) but when it's busy, you're dealing with a long queue, and some customers are in front of you for 10 minutes or so, it's sometimes difficult to stop wiork, and drink....
So I get home in the evening, feeling like death warmed up... and have no energy to do anything.
But I note how thirsty I am.
I prepare myself a 750ml bottle of water, with half a tsp of bicarbonate of soda, and a dessertspoonful of Apple cider vinegar... and I drink.
And drink.
And drink.
And to my surprise, actually finish the bottle, so thirsty am I.
But within 2 minutes, I feel revived, refreshed, and my head is not so heavy and dull-feeling, and my torpor is lifted.
Drink water.
Plenty of it. At least a litre-and-a-half per day.
Hey I've been here for a time before my friend, I'm sorry to hear you feel like this. Just know like everything, it will change. And quiet possibly for the better.
By contrast when you've dug yourself out of this hole, you might be really happy looking back on what you've gone through.
Just know your a damn lot better and amazing than your mind tells you. You are capable of incredible things
I can't really offer you advice because I don't know your situation but Buddhism is great and can only help you
All I can offer is kind thoughts and a cyber hug!
It may not be much consolation, but if you have the capacity to feel lousy, you have the capacity to feel better.
Stick with the therapy, whatever it is. No need to add extras like Buddhism.
Best wishes.
human life is the most precious gift we can get.
Bodhidharma said - birth and death are important. do not suffer them in vain.
everything is a projection of mind - think about it. if you do not want to sit in a formal meditation posture, no problem, but try to be mindful at most of the time. see what your mind is trying to conjure up for you in its prapancha (or mental proliferation or its mind created stories) - try to be in the present moment - you already are in here and now - just realize it.
i heard somewhere - our happiness depends on our responses, not on our circumstances. human life is never going to be always happy and always safe and always enjoying experience - accept it. let go of whatever you are holding on to. life is a journey. whatever arises, stays for a while and then ceases. why get too much worried about anything? so relax. develop a positive outlook, try to help whoever you can help within your reach. every act of kindness matters. enquire within yourself regarding the questions - who are you? what is this? - and see what answers you come up with, do not think about it to answer these questions, rather live with these questions and let their answers come to you.
metta to you. may you be peaceful and happy. may you be healthy and strong. may you be at peace within yourself. may you be safe and protected. may you have ease of well-being and accept all the conditions of the world.
There is a difference between practicing to fix a problem and practicing Buddhism out of genuine curiosity of where it might lead.
Regarding your practical problem I wonder if medicine and a therapist might help?
Most people practice religion to help themselves rather than just curiosity.
@earthninja -- That's the way practice begins, I agree. But it's strange how that revises itself over time.
"If you ask why we meditate, I would say it's so we can become more flexible and tolerant to the present moment."
~ Pema Chodron
No matter what the condition of the present moment may be
~JohnMac.....
Here is a link to dropping keys which is a mental health facebook page.
https://www.facebook.com/DroppingKeysForChange/?fref=ts
Mental health is just as important as physical.
I've suffered from the same symptoms in the past. I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder (of course, this does not necessarily mean you have the same thing!). I was successfully treated with antidepressants and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT). DBT incorporates a large element of Buddhist mindfulness meditation (vipassana) into the therapy, along with cognitive behavioral techniques. Please ask your doctor if this type of treatment would be appropriate and available to you. Also, pay no attention to those who tell you that you are just feeling sorry for yourself, being lazy, you can snap out of it if you want to, etc. etc. They literally don't know what they are talking about, and their "advice" can do more harm than good. If you are suffering from depression, you need to realize that it is a neuro-psychiatric disorder, meaning it is a brain disease coupled with emotional problems. You can no more "snap out of it" than you could snap out of a concussion. Both the neurological and psychiatric aspects should be treated by a specialist. I would suggest getting this treatment first, then work with a Buddhist teacher (if possible) after you have made some progress with the treatment. Good luck, and don't give up.
Here are one inspiration video for you @dooksta123
Its about Christopher Aiff last days.
"Christopher Aiff was diagnosed with Osteosarcoma in his leg. The doctors told him he was cured, but then found 50 tumors in his lungs on his first check up. Chris is an extraordinary 21 year old that shares wisdom we could all use".
I feel like dying. What can Buddhism do for me?
What an amazing young man!
Very moving @Namada - thank you.
Here is his website.
It's really true. Just when you think you've hit rock bottom, there are those who can inspire us to look up.
@misecmisc1 you have inspired me to be a kinder more mindful person thru your comments!
@StingRay: thanks for your kind words, but whatever i have written above, that i have heard from somebody else, or read somewhere, so nothing of my own there, but those things theoretically made sense to me, so thought of typing it.
metta to you and all sentient beings.
The human condition tries to keep us static. But for us to be balanced, we have to do the things that go against our nature. If you don't want to move for long periods, movement is exactly what you need. Same with meditation. It clears your mind to help investigate issues. But our minds and our bodies strive for efficiency and want to only maintain. If you want health and balance, you have to realize when you don't have it, and seek how how to bring it.
General health care is a huge step and can make a bigger difference than anything. Shower and get dressed every day. Eat good food. Drink enough fluids. Sleep a healthy amount of time. Move your body. Exercise your mind. Rest as well. Learn about stress relief. When you notice you are in a rut and stuck, do the opposite to get out. You don't get out of a ditch by sitting in it. If you cannot, then you seek the help of medication and other support people to extend a rope and a hand to get you moving until you can do it yourself. It is ok to need that. But use them wisely.
Dear dooksta123,
Speaking from my own experience, depression can stem from a number of things that include anger, lack of self-compassion, and lack of compassion for the present moment. Sometimes depression can come from having too many expectations imposed upon you either by yourself or other people. We feel pressured to live up to a certain image, to accomplish all these things.. and when we don't, we feel hopeless and useless and might as well not exist.
Why put so much pressure on yourself to reach your goals? Your happiness is not somewhere off in the future when you have finished everything on your to-do list. Do as much as you can and tell yourself that is good enough. Take it one day at a time and don't forget to enjoy the process. Even if you can only exert effort for 5 minutes, that is good enough. Reward yourself afterwards.
I also think it is perfectly acceptable to feel depressed, as long as you don't end up harming yourself. In Buddhism, we are encouraged to refrain from harming sentient beings and that includes ourselves. If you feel like laying on the couch for a while, great. Go for it. But if it gets to the point where you aren't eating enough, you aren't exercising, you aren't showing up at your job or whatever, then that is where you ought to draw the line. Neglecting yourself, wasting away, however you want to call it is a form of violence you are committing onto yourself. Which is a very anti-Buddhist thing to do.
One other thing I'd like to mention that has helped me and perhaps may help you: sometimes I watch interviews on YouTube of people who have survived war and all sorts of trauma and who still manage to have a positive outlook on life. It reminds me that happiness and peace are always available to you even in the most dire circumstances.
Thanks for all the help, guys. I'm bipolar so I look at my post like 'Wow, was that me? I really felt this way?', but I found a lot of your words extremely helpful and I will keep it in mind for my next low. Be at peace, yall. Thank you!
@dooksta123 look after yourself. Confound your doctor through meditation. You may find meditation helps BUT one should continue with medical supervision and medication. Think of it as offering a potential alternative to the very useful existing treatments.