Unexpected moments of heartfulness
Jeroen
Luminous beings are we, not this crude matterNetherlands Veteran
Today I was visiting my grandma, she is nearly 90 and her big birthday celebration is coming up later this week. It was the first time I had visited her in her new abode, a care home not so far from where I live. It's a place where people live in groups of about eight, and each old person has a decent size room and then there is a living room, and each of these units has dedicated staff looking after it.
Now my grandmother isn't entirely sound of mind anymore, otherwise she wouldn't need this level of care. So I came in and for a moment wasn't sure if she was recognising me. It took a few seconds, but she gave me a huge smile and a welcoming wave. She is quite frail now, not much more than wrinkled skin over bones.
As I was sitting with her, I was wondering what I could do for her. She talked about her concerns about the afterlife, and how she was worried that her fellow oldies were trying to kill her. So all kinds of thoughts flitted through my mind about Buddhist takes on delusion and clear vision, and how to communicate this to an old lady who has trouble even remembering where she lives. This would be totally futile of course.
And suddenly I became aware of her suffering. And that just opened the flood gates, I just felt such empathy and warmth for her, in these difficult last year's of her life when mind and memory were becoming less reliable. I just sat with her, held her hands and hugged her, sharing at least that warmth. Without looking more deeply into the four noble truths, that moment might not have happened.
Have you experienced any moments where Buddhism has transformed the way you relate to people?
Comments
I live in a small town and see quite a range of unconscious hatred in all different manifestations. I think Buddhism has transformed the way I think of these folks. Where before I would become angry and impatient, now I can (sometimes!) see where they are coming from and understand why fear or other concerns could be fueling this hatefulness. I know I can't effect change in them, though, as you have done in comforting your gram. I hope one day to feel so firmly planted in the dharma as you seem to be.
In little ways, almost every day, whether it's through people I meet or know or think about when I think about the past, it's changed the way I approach them and situations.
You gave me a good little cry, @Kerome.
Very touching.
Blessed are the women who teach the value of tears. How magically tears dissolve the hard knots in our hearts.
Every moment, from moment to moment ...this transformation is ongoing.....
I feel this heart softening is a good sign. As someone with a hard shell, I am well aware of unfeeling Dharmaists who think they have transcended such behavour. Shame on them.
Sensitivity is emotional awareness. Be on the look out for the difference between sentimentality and genuine empathy, which I believe you are illustrating.
Here are the Lojong teachings from one of my olde pages ...
http://opcoa.st/0nknd
When my grandma was ill and when she eventually passed on, Buddhism helped SO much. I brought the Tibetan Book of Living and Dying with when I visited her alone, and read to her some of the prayers from it (she was Christian, but she enjoyed when I read to her from all sorts of "nice things" as she called them). My practice helped me deal with my sometimes irrational family members and to view the situation of dying process. It was a very different place to experience that whole part of life than I had previously experienced it in.