Ethics, honesty and judging people
Jeroen
Luminous beings are we, not this crude matterNetherlands Veteran
So like many folks where I live I have quite a strong sense of justice and ethics. It's a bit of a national and family hobby, to be righteously indignant about the unfairness of some things, or these people who cheat, or that money-grubbing dictator in that distant country.
But last night I had a dream which gave me pause. It was kind of unusual for me, a large scale sprawling costume drama of a dream. It seemed to be set in the 18th century or thereabouts from the elaborate clothes, and it followed the life and fortunes of a young man called Jacoty. He was of humble origins and basically made his way up in the world by pretending to be things he was not, and in the end he was accepted as a knight by some very respected people.
But during the dream I was not so directly involved, I didn't have a part to play - I was just observing. And I noticed that all the while I was getting quite angry at this Jacoty, thinking, he should get caught, and feeling quite disgruntled and negative and upset.
So looking at it after I had awoken and considered it for a while from a Buddhist perspective, it seems to point at an unhealthy attachment to fairness. Ethics I think is no bad thing, but if you are so attached to fairness that even in a dream you get emotionally involved, angry about injustices and undeserved advancement, then I think that signals a problem with clinging, and maybe judging people too.
What do you think?
Comments
Your subconscious shows you areas that need to be worked on.
Superficially, openly, we all present one persona. subconsciously, there are factors that we are actually trying to remedy, and suppress, but without realising it, we're not so much working through them, as deceiving ourselves that these issues are under control.
I've had it happen to me.
I think at one point or another we all go through an episode of this type, which can make us sit back and have a re-think.
And that's a good thing.
PS: Remember that our Minds cannot 'make up' faces. All the people we see in our dreams, we have actually already set eyes on in our waking moments. We just don't remember them...
Life ain't fair? [lobster faints]
Funny that - I think covered by NT1/Existence is unfair/Dukkha/unsatisfactory/the seagull got my icecream etc ...
You can fix yourself easier than fixing 'the unfair world'
True, but there is the temptation to "make it fair". In a way we have control of the contents of our mind, the structures of society, the laws that control how we work and who owns what. It might be possible to make it a lot fairer than it is, to reduce the amount of dhukka
And that is a good thing, it is a worthy struggle. Perhaps the middle way here is to preserve the goal but find a way to remove the clinging, but how, if you still care for fairness? I still feel a bit too close to this problem.
It was just pointed out to me by a friend that I may have missed the point... It is not just about unfairness and judgment and attachment, but underlying it is the basic issue of anger. I will need to give that attention too, I may have a problem admitting underlying anger.
This has been a useful crash course in starting to deal with anger.
I do observe a relationship between self-acceptance and the acceptance of others.
Well maybe you do...sitting here with dissociative identity disorder we started to think, "How unfair!"
j/k
Ultimately, I think one of the traps is believing that we have the capacity to look at a snapshot in time and think that it is representative of fair/unfair. Another is looking externally and thinking that we see the whole picture. i.e. Did your dream expose the internal suffering of Jacoty while the world was busy being his oyster? Right now there is a lot of press the world over about an American fellow who was born with a silver spoon in his mouth and is now running for the most powerful position in our government. Does anyone seriously think he is happy? Which part is unfair? His external successes or his internal misery?
“Be the change that you wish to see in the world.” (Gandhi)
Rather than just complain, and point out etc, lead by example. It may not look like much and go unnoticed by many, but if everybody adhers to ethical behavior or is encouraged by your example, your attitude and behavior would contribute to a better ethical standard.
This, IMO, is the Buddhist way - and it's a long road.................
OP, I think if you got a lesson out of it, that's all that matters. I certainly wouldn't want to take the side of a scam artist, and say it's ok, and we shouldn't judge, because I've seen the kind of damage such people can do to others, and get away with it. And I wouldn't want to condemn righteous indignation, either, as we have another thread going that discusses "divine anger" in relation to injustice; concern for others being taken advantage of is not a bad thing.
However, if you're finding that you're somewhat of an outrage junkie, there may be something else at work, there, as you are suspecting. Could it be that this is disguising a need for drama? Or do you find yourself feeling frustrated or helpless sometimes, because you can't contribute to bringing about change, so the outrage gets pent up inside, with no outlet? In that case, some "letting go" exercises could be useful.
In Buddhism, as in life, there's a delicate balance between accepting things as they are (equanimity) vs. compassion toward others being harmed. What is that prayer from the Christian side, about changing what we can, and accepting what we can't change, and asking for the wisdom to discern the difference between the two? Equanimity doesn't mean complacency in the face of injustice or harm. I think it means, in part, remaining unruffled so that you can more clearly evaluate a situation and your relationship to it, and develop that wisdom that would guide you in either exercising skillful means in a situation, or letting it go.
I'm thinking out loud here. Where is Tsem Rinpoche when you need him? haha
His "external success" is built on a sham, business failures, smoke screens, exploitation and lies. And he knows it.
It is true that maybe he is so deluded that he will think more power will give him what he is searching for. He is one of those who will not listen to others.
Speaking of fairness - the story of the woman who lost her child comes to mind. She went to the Buddha in search of healing, complaining her situation was unfair (paraphrasing here). "Buddha told her that before he could bring the child back to life, she should find white mustard seeds from a family where no one had died." (wiki)
The world is unfair. Stuff happens. People lie and cheat and steal and exploit others.
Be different. (< I know you are, @yagr)
I always try to see things from the other side. When i find myself judging someone else, I look for possible reasons why they do what they do. or what circumstances in their life lead them to that place. I find it much easier to practice compassion for them as people when I do that, and then I find I can no longer be angry or emotionally involved in judging them for their behavior. That doesn't mean I excuse their bad behaviors or that they shouldn't have consequences for them. But on a personal level, my judging of people has decreased significantly because I look to see the world through their eyes, and think about what decisions I'd make if I was brought up and lived in those circumstances. Often I arrive at a conclusion that I simply cannot know what they come from, their culture and all that goes into who we are right now, in this moment. And that is ok, too. Just realizing I don't know and can't understand takes a lot away from judging them.
Maybe... And I have to admit that my thinking during the daytime is different from when I'm dreaming. But there was something very direct about how I was experiencing emotion, it reminded me of when I was a child. Perhaps it was a glimpse of my real emotional nature, without all the experience of life on top.
Yes.....
We are onions? Get to peel one layer of dukkha and more arise. This Buddhism is hard
However there are also rewards along the way from black and white to grey ...
That is quite an interesting insight.
Conflicted emotions are often multifaceted, irrational and contradictory. Buddhist 'emotions' such as compassion, metta, bodhicitta etc are essentially pure, wholesome and unknotted.
We haz plan! The far shore beckons ...