Welcome home! Please contact lincoln@icrontic.com if you have any difficulty logging in or using the site. New registrations must be manually approved which may take several days. Can't log in? Try clearing your browser's cookies.
An observation from your friendly local Moderator...
what do we do to make every person we interact with recognise that we practice what we (inwardly and on-forum) "preach"...?
(Bearing in mind "One's Mileage May Vary" depending on progress made on the path) ....Through ones thoughts words and deeds which are on display in a friendly, calm relaxed untriggered- non hostile manner, free from any "conflicting" emotional strings...In other words having the ability to apply emotional intelligent to any given situation... Well that's the ongoing plan
Just to reiterate my point again
Alice Cooper didn't walk about with goth makeup and a snake around his neck in his leisure time. It was an act...a front
Dene Martin was not the raging alcoholic he portrayed on stage, the glass he held was apple juice, he would much rather play golf (as did Alice Cooper) it was an act, a front I have always read a lot, rock/entertainer biography being my favorite.
So I know that the image you see is not
Actually them, they are putting on a front often one they have stolen (michael jackson stole his dress/dance routine from a guy called voss) In my act
I sing songs from the southeast part of usa 40s 50s early 60s so I wear stetson cowboy boots ect..I did a club in liverpool a month ago, the whole audience bar staff and management turned up in western gear (were they being false?) If you turned up on stage in combat pants bob hat and trainers, it really wouldn't have the same effect.
"False" seems to imply a slyness if you like, that's why I disagreed strongly
Though as we all know, there is really nothing to get upset about as we are all part of the same thing..only the ego gets upset which is a delusion, the mistake.
So as I was talking to Buddhist I thinking about how deep you would have to go to really take refuge. Enlightenment, how could you obtain it with the ten thousand things, the distactions not just from outside sources but the distractions from within. (Bearing in mind one still has to eat)
As I think I said before being on here has wakened me up to the urgentness of our situation.
As I think I said before being on here has wakened me up to the urgentness of our situation.
AH HA! (also available as a mantra)
Indeed. That is always the situation but if people are told this too vigorously they wander and wonder until ...
Too late.
You are an interesting character? No doubt. Now what? In other words what are the useful consequences of urgency?
@federica originally partly said:
Do we live split lives then? To what extent? And does this give food for thought and impetus to change? Is Change needed?
Change is always needed. Split the non-essential from the essence of urgency ... now we are grooving ...
0
federicaSeeker of the clear blue sky...Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubtModerator
edited November 2016
I'm sorry, @PJK , I can't help thinking we're talking at cross-purposes:
You said:
"I was talking really as a person who has to put a front on just to do their job.
Its hard to distinguish sometimes who you actually are..if you understand what I'm saying"
So, genuinely, let me attempt to clarify things, here:
Is this something you find problematic? Is it something you'd like to change? Are you looking for ways to be more authentic in your Buddhist Practice, or not?
Have we got the wrong end of the stick?
Because when you asked for opinion, feedback, or "Thoughts please!", I think we all got the impression you were trying to find ways of either reconciling what you do, with what you practice, or how to better your practice while doing the job you do...
This is where we may be in error.... because when we pointed out that putting a front up was being untrue to yourself, you have repeatedly given examples of people in showbiz who you maintained were doing the same thing.
However, they're not the ones seeking 'thoughts please!' and as far as I know, have no questionable conflict between who they are "IRL" and on stage....
There's one actor - a very prominent one - who is a devoted, enthusiastic and very public Buddhist, who makes movies in which he has, on more than one occasion, played very unsavoury characters (I'm talking about Richard Gere....) He seems to have achieved a balance...
So, really, I'm not entirely sure what "thoughts" you're looking for....
I think that adding the word "false" clouded the issue..that's why "putting on a front" and "putting on a FALSE front" are two different statements/meanings.
ie Little Richard a caricature of an OTT outrageous rocker...was a devout christian (who also had problems with balance) would be putting on a front.
Jimmy saville the happy go lucky charity fund raiser.. friend and helper of children was a pedophile rapist...he was putting on a "false" front.
False..sly shallow deceitful.
I actually love my music and love being a musician but in order to continue doing this you are sometimes put to the test.
Played an irish bar sunday It was a tough gig uncouth drunkenness and worse (someone fouled their breeches right there in the pub)
Two days before played a rest home with a respectful appreciative audience
So its not all bad.
You can't choose your gigs (unless you are doing it for a hobby or you want to starve)
So although this seems to have turned into a public dissection of my whole character with negative overtones,
I was just simply musing on a simple dilema but it seems like your first impressions of branding me as false is cast in granite. SO! seeing as its non existant ego anyway.....
If it makes you happy fair enough, enjoy x
0
federicaSeeker of the clear blue sky...Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubtModerator
Again with the examples, which I think may be clouding the issue.
They're not really relevant any more, I think you made your point...
I asked the question - and let me phrase it more succinctly then - given that you posted and requested 'thoughts please!' what exactly was your aim? To seek help in redressing the balance, or to garner opinion on your profession and how you deal with it?
I'm honestly not sure what the actual point of your post was... seriously, I'm asking.
It would be the former, something I assumed we would all have to deal with.
Obviously I was wrong maybe many of you fit into the category of well balanced warm and wonderful human beings with no conflicts (not sarcasum but congratulations) in your lifes.
I have learned a lot from the answers so thanks
Ps I think maybe my original muse has now been kicked to death.
Om Mani Padme Hum
0
federicaSeeker of the clear blue sky...Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubtModerator
@PJK said:
It would be the former, something I assumed we would all have to deal with.
So you wanted some form of input from us on redressing the balance? I thought we had tried to give that, but it seems that all we received back from you was counter-arguments on how everyone in showbiz puts on a front...okay....fine....
We gave input on how you needed to evaluate what you were doing and making different choices, but you seemed to respond with the fact that you do what you do because you HAVE no choice but to do it....
So if you wanted input from us on how to redress the balance, why did you argue against the advice we gave?
If it was the wrong advice, what kind of advice were you seeking?
Obviously I was wrong maybe many of you fit into the category of well balanced warm and wonderful human beings with no conflicts (not sarcasum but congratulations) in your lifes.
If that is the case, it's because of conscious choices we have made when faced with dilemmas. I gave you examples of Life-Choices I had. They may not have appeared wise at the time, but sometimes, doing what appears to be 'the right thing', is in fact far from the right thing....
One achieves balance by weighing up the different options and choosing the option which validates who we are and what we stand for, and if something conflicts with that, then we need to be strong enough to reject it, even if it's a temptation...
I have learned a lot from the answers so thanks
Such as....?
Ps I think maybe my original muse has now been kicked to death.
Hmmm...I think she (If one might refer to a muse as 'she) might be sitting rubbing a few bruises, but I'd hold back on funeral arrangements as being premature, IMO...
While I acknowledge "false front" and "front" are different, I don't think doing so is terribly helpful no matter what, and I would tell anyone, showbiz or not, the same thing. The more we spend time being someone we aren't (even for pretend) the less opportunity we have to allow our practice to fill our lives.
My kids like the school plays. They go pretend to be someone else for a while, and then they come home and spend the other 22 hours (and 10 months a year) being themselves. But then you have Hollywood actors who so fully immerse themselves into their characters that they spend more time being non-real characters than being themselves. Considering the drug and alcohol abuse that is so prevalent in show biz, I'm not convinced that living a life significantly apart from who you really are is helpful. I think some do it to the extent they don't know who they are at all, and they are completely ungrounded. Whether that is you or not, I most certainly couldn't say. But there is a difference between it being a small part of your life or a large part of your life, and I think that can make a difference.
@PJK said:
It would be the former, something I assumed we would all have to deal with.
So you wanted some form of input from us on redressing the balance? I thought we had tried to give that, but it seems that all we received back from you was counter-arguments on how everyone in showbiz puts on a front...okay....fine....
We gave input on how you needed to evaluate what you were doing and making different choices, but you seemed to respond with the fact that you do what you do because you HAVE no choice but to do it....
So if you wanted input from us on how to redress the balance, why did you argue against the advice we gave?
If it was the wrong advice, what kind of advice were you seeking?
Obviously I was wrong maybe many of you fit into the category of well balanced warm and wonderful human beings with no conflicts (not sarcasum but congratulations) in your lifes.
If that is the case, it's because of conscious choices we have made when faced with dilemmas. I gave you examples of Life-Choices I had. They may not have appeared wise at the time, but sometimes, doing what appears to be 'the right thing', is in fact far from the right thing....
One achieves balance by weighing up the different options and choosing the option which validates who we are and what we stand for, and if something conflicts with that, then we need to be strong enough to reject it, even if it's a temptation...
I have learned a lot from the answers so thanks
Such as....?
Ps I think maybe my original muse has now been kicked to death.
Hmmm...I think she (If one might refer to a muse as 'she) might be sitting rubbing a few bruises, but I'd hold back on funeral arrangements as being premature, IMO...
Om Mani Padme Hum
Back atcha, bud....
@federica ...such as? Taking everything in and making me evaluate the (my) situation. Nothing like having your feathers ruffled to make you pay attention
0
federicaSeeker of the clear blue sky...Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubtModerator
The 'quote' facility sucks, doesn't it...? Sorry about the confusing aspects of it...
I'm sorry for my part if I came on strong. I do that, sometimes. I tend to poke folks in the chest. It's an MO of mine and I still haven't decided just how 'skilful' a method it is, but it does "work" more often than not....
Interested to know how things pan out for you, and whether you consider modifications to what you're currently doing....
0
DavidA human residing in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada. Ancestral territory of the Erie, Haudenosaunee, Huron-Wendat, Mississauga and Neutral First NationsVeteran
"Who cares what it's about as long as the kids go?"
You ask some tough, relevant questions. I think that the political stuff was a reaction on one level, and a wake up on another. I'm no saint, and sometimes my path seems to be just about bitchin and complaining, but that wears itself out quickly and then business gets taken care of. The recent political "event" was huge, can't minimize that. Now I have settled down and realize that it is simply what it is, and having survived some incredibly strange times back in the 60's, we'll survive this too. Or not. That doesn't mean being complacent w/ the way things are though.
What REALLY annoys me is people that act all calm and kind and good when they're actually not. They believe that this is what the path is about, always being calm and serene, when the path is really about just experiencing the moment. If the moment is an experience of anger or fear, pushing it back into it's hole and acting out of how we imagine we're supposed to act is a lie. I used to go to a particular Zen center in Portland, and every time you asked one of the teachers something there was this odd time lag where they were processing things and trying to decide what was the "right" answer. Not good! Very robotic looking, and unnatural.
I have to be careful when out and about to keep my mouth shut about being a Buddhist, as I find that it is impossible to bring it up w/o having some sort of smug spiritual pride associated w/ it. If someone asks first, that's different. But we show who we are by our actions (which can be awfully humbling, depressing, and scary a lot of the time). I do some basic Buddhist meditation instruction where I live, and that occasionally will encompass Zen ideas or philosophy if anyone brings up an interest in that, and the hardest thing was making up a biography and cover letter to take to the various agencies around town. It felt really strange to be talking up this or that aspect of myself or Buddhism, so I finally made it real short and to the point w/o too many references to Buddhism or myself. That was a compromise and it probably would have been better to make it more "Buddhist", but I found I just wasn't comfortable w/ that.
@smarino How do you know their processing was them trying to find the right answer rather than thinking of the right way to explain it for your understanding? Taking time to process isn't a bad thing. not everyone can think on their toes and throw out a spontaneous answer that will be helpful. Teachers are there to answer your questions the best they can, and with Buddhist teachers (in my experience) sometimes that answer varies based on who is asking because they know your level of understanding. I take my time to think before I speak, because otherwise my answer comes out all sorts of disjointed. I have to take time to consider the question, the understanding of who is asking, and proceed from there. Just because you assume it is an attempt to find the right answer doesn't make it so.
What REALLY annoys me is people that act all calm and kind and good when they're actually not. They believe that this is what the path is about, always being calm and serene, when the path is really about just experiencing the moment. If the moment is an experience of anger or fear, pushing it back into it's hole and acting out of how we imagine we're supposed to act is a lie. I used to go to a particular Zen center in Portland, and every time you asked one of the teachers something there was this odd time lag where they were processing things and trying to decide what was the "right" answer. Not good! Very robotic looking, and unnatural.
At the moment, I'm reading Cutting Through Spiritual Materialism by Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche. It's all about how the ego and spirituality get caught up together. Samsara, samsara, samsara. Compassion needed. Love needed.
Sounds like you're reacting to the ego that's behind the fake smile and maybe the superiority of their smugness? I react badly to people like that. We had a team building day last week and the guy was full of it. As someone said to me this week - I don't suffer fools gladly.
I'm still in Samsara. Need to find love. Need to find compassion. Want to find an implement to hit them on the nose with. Love, compassion, patience.
Well said @karasti
Exactly so, levels of listeners needs considerable care and attention.
Many of us trump mouth first, think later and feel we are dzogchens gift to the dharma ...
Would not fool a low level realiser. The beauty of a forum is having the time to consider. As a seasoned troll hunter, extremist and general purpose 'rent a *gob', I know from experience to consider my questions very carefully ... and any supposed answers even more so ...
Iz considered 'right speech' plan ...
*gob - english slang - big mouth spitting opinions
0
federicaSeeker of the clear blue sky...Its better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubtModerator
@smarino, It's not a skilful thing to 'act calm and good when you're really not''.
But it IS a good thing to cultivate the response of 'Calm and Good' so that 'really not' won't figure.
It is not wrong to CHOOSE a response that is calm and good, when faced with the opportunity of doing that, or opting for an angry and outraged 5 minutes.
It's a question pf practice and making the Right Effort.
And it is surprisingly easy to breathe and to remain calm, when the person in front of you is going purple during an apoplectic fit. It's far better for both of you if you do. And brings matters to an end, more quickly.
@Titddlywinds, Compassion is not always loving, soft and cuddly. Compassion is sometimes a hard kick in the pants and a good sound talking to - with an attitude of Loving kindness and Empathy. Rather like a parent towards a child who has been guilty of some minor misdemeanour, we can give people a piece of our mind, without losing peace of mind, by skilful use of words and attitude. We can still love, while we belt them round the head with a metaphorical cast-iron frying pan....
@Titddlywinds, Compassion is not always loving, soft and cuddly. Compassion is sometimes a hard kick in the pants and a good sound talking to - with an attitude of Loving kindness and Empathy. Rather like a parent towards a child who has been guilty of some minor misdemeanour, we can give people a piece of our mind, without losing peace of mind, by skilful use of words and attitude. We can still love, while we belt them round the head with a metaphorical cast-iron frying pan....
I hear you and usually they hear the frying pan a bit more easily than my calm and peace. Even though I'm trying really really hard to be less harsh - it still comes out... Another several lifetimes to work through it, methinks.
If using metaphorical frying pan, be extra cautious and observe situation of all concerned, before during and after hard brexit advice.
I would suggest most kindly that having the ability to be thawked is a far greater/more advanced skill ... In the words of Bodhi JC 'when thwacked, hand your attacker a bigger frying pan' ... https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Turning_the_other_cheek
Here is another version:
'Lay fast hold on Allah
and you will find him in front of you.
Get acquainted with Allah in days of ease
and He will recognize you in days of distress.
Know that what missed you could not have hit you
and what hit you could not have missed you.
Know that victory comes
with patient endurance,
relief with anxiety,
ease with hardship.' http://web.archive.org/web/20031011051656/http://pages.britishlibrary.net/edjason/friends/
Ay caramba!
Comments
(Bearing in mind "One's Mileage May Vary" depending on progress made on the path) ....Through ones thoughts words and deeds which are on display in a friendly, calm relaxed untriggered- non hostile manner, free from any "conflicting" emotional strings...In other words having the ability to apply emotional intelligent to any given situation... Well that's the ongoing plan
Just to reiterate my point again
Alice Cooper didn't walk about with goth makeup and a snake around his neck in his leisure time. It was an act...a front
Dene Martin was not the raging alcoholic he portrayed on stage, the glass he held was apple juice, he would much rather play golf (as did Alice Cooper) it was an act, a front I have always read a lot, rock/entertainer biography being my favorite.
So I know that the image you see is not
Actually them, they are putting on a front often one they have stolen (michael jackson stole his dress/dance routine from a guy called voss) In my act
I sing songs from the southeast part of usa 40s 50s early 60s so I wear stetson cowboy boots ect..I did a club in liverpool a month ago, the whole audience bar staff and management turned up in western gear (were they being false?) If you turned up on stage in combat pants bob hat and trainers, it really wouldn't have the same effect.
"False" seems to imply a slyness if you like, that's why I disagreed strongly
Though as we all know, there is really nothing to get upset about as we are all part of the same thing..only the ego gets upset which is a delusion, the mistake.
So as I was talking to Buddhist I thinking about how deep you would have to go to really take refuge. Enlightenment, how could you obtain it with the ten thousand things, the distactions not just from outside sources but the distractions from within. (Bearing in mind one still has to eat)
As I think I said before being on here has wakened me up to the urgentness of our situation.
AH HA! (also available as a mantra)
Indeed. That is always the situation but if people are told this too vigorously they wander and wonder until ...
Too late.
You are an interesting character? No doubt. Now what? In other words what are the useful consequences of urgency?
Change is always needed. Split the non-essential from the essence of urgency ... now we are grooving ...
I'm sorry, @PJK , I can't help thinking we're talking at cross-purposes:
You said:
So, genuinely, let me attempt to clarify things, here:
Is this something you find problematic? Is it something you'd like to change? Are you looking for ways to be more authentic in your Buddhist Practice, or not?
Have we got the wrong end of the stick?
Because when you asked for opinion, feedback, or "Thoughts please!", I think we all got the impression you were trying to find ways of either reconciling what you do, with what you practice, or how to better your practice while doing the job you do...
This is where we may be in error.... because when we pointed out that putting a front up was being untrue to yourself, you have repeatedly given examples of people in showbiz who you maintained were doing the same thing.
However, they're not the ones seeking 'thoughts please!' and as far as I know, have no questionable conflict between who they are "IRL" and on stage....
There's one actor - a very prominent one - who is a devoted, enthusiastic and very public Buddhist, who makes movies in which he has, on more than one occasion, played very unsavoury characters (I'm talking about Richard Gere....) He seems to have achieved a balance...
So, really, I'm not entirely sure what "thoughts" you're looking for....
I think that adding the word "false" clouded the issue..that's why "putting on a front" and "putting on a FALSE front" are two different statements/meanings.
ie Little Richard a caricature of an OTT outrageous rocker...was a devout christian (who also had problems with balance) would be putting on a front.
Jimmy saville the happy go lucky charity fund raiser.. friend and helper of children was a pedophile rapist...he was putting on a "false" front.
False..sly shallow deceitful.
I actually love my music and love being a musician but in order to continue doing this you are sometimes put to the test.
Played an irish bar sunday It was a tough gig uncouth drunkenness and worse (someone fouled their breeches right there in the pub)
Two days before played a rest home with a respectful appreciative audience
So its not all bad.
You can't choose your gigs (unless you are doing it for a hobby or you want to starve)
So although this seems to have turned into a public dissection of my whole character with negative overtones,
I was just simply musing on a simple dilema but it seems like your first impressions of branding me as false is cast in granite. SO! seeing as its non existant ego anyway.....
If it makes you happy fair enough, enjoy x
Again with the examples, which I think may be clouding the issue.
They're not really relevant any more, I think you made your point...
I asked the question - and let me phrase it more succinctly then - given that you posted and requested 'thoughts please!' what exactly was your aim? To seek help in redressing the balance, or to garner opinion on your profession and how you deal with it?
I'm honestly not sure what the actual point of your post was... seriously, I'm asking.
It would be the former, something I assumed we would all have to deal with.
Obviously I was wrong maybe many of you fit into the category of well balanced warm and wonderful human beings with no conflicts (not sarcasum but congratulations) in your lifes.
I have learned a lot from the answers so thanks
Ps I think maybe my original muse has now been kicked to death.
Om Mani Padme Hum
So you wanted some form of input from us on redressing the balance? I thought we had tried to give that, but it seems that all we received back from you was counter-arguments on how everyone in showbiz puts on a front...okay....fine....
We gave input on how you needed to evaluate what you were doing and making different choices, but you seemed to respond with the fact that you do what you do because you HAVE no choice but to do it....
So if you wanted input from us on how to redress the balance, why did you argue against the advice we gave?
If it was the wrong advice, what kind of advice were you seeking?
If that is the case, it's because of conscious choices we have made when faced with dilemmas. I gave you examples of Life-Choices I had. They may not have appeared wise at the time, but sometimes, doing what appears to be 'the right thing', is in fact far from the right thing....
One achieves balance by weighing up the different options and choosing the option which validates who we are and what we stand for, and if something conflicts with that, then we need to be strong enough to reject it, even if it's a temptation...
Such as....?
Hmmm...I think she (If one might refer to a muse as 'she) might be sitting rubbing a few bruises, but I'd hold back on funeral arrangements as being premature, IMO...
Back atcha, bud....
While I acknowledge "false front" and "front" are different, I don't think doing so is terribly helpful no matter what, and I would tell anyone, showbiz or not, the same thing. The more we spend time being someone we aren't (even for pretend) the less opportunity we have to allow our practice to fill our lives.
My kids like the school plays. They go pretend to be someone else for a while, and then they come home and spend the other 22 hours (and 10 months a year) being themselves. But then you have Hollywood actors who so fully immerse themselves into their characters that they spend more time being non-real characters than being themselves. Considering the drug and alcohol abuse that is so prevalent in show biz, I'm not convinced that living a life significantly apart from who you really are is helpful. I think some do it to the extent they don't know who they are at all, and they are completely ungrounded. Whether that is you or not, I most certainly couldn't say. But there is a difference between it being a small part of your life or a large part of your life, and I think that can make a difference.
Good point @karasti making an effort to create that balance would be good.
The 'quote' facility sucks, doesn't it...? Sorry about the confusing aspects of it...
I'm sorry for my part if I came on strong. I do that, sometimes. I tend to poke folks in the chest. It's an MO of mine and I still haven't decided just how 'skilful' a method it is, but it does "work" more often than not....
Interested to know how things pan out for you, and whether you consider modifications to what you're currently doing....
"Who cares what it's about as long as the kids go?"
-Waters
You ask some tough, relevant questions. I think that the political stuff was a reaction on one level, and a wake up on another. I'm no saint, and sometimes my path seems to be just about bitchin and complaining, but that wears itself out quickly and then business gets taken care of. The recent political "event" was huge, can't minimize that. Now I have settled down and realize that it is simply what it is, and having survived some incredibly strange times back in the 60's, we'll survive this too. Or not. That doesn't mean being complacent w/ the way things are though.
What REALLY annoys me is people that act all calm and kind and good when they're actually not. They believe that this is what the path is about, always being calm and serene, when the path is really about just experiencing the moment. If the moment is an experience of anger or fear, pushing it back into it's hole and acting out of how we imagine we're supposed to act is a lie. I used to go to a particular Zen center in Portland, and every time you asked one of the teachers something there was this odd time lag where they were processing things and trying to decide what was the "right" answer. Not good! Very robotic looking, and unnatural.
I have to be careful when out and about to keep my mouth shut about being a Buddhist, as I find that it is impossible to bring it up w/o having some sort of smug spiritual pride associated w/ it. If someone asks first, that's different. But we show who we are by our actions (which can be awfully humbling, depressing, and scary a lot of the time). I do some basic Buddhist meditation instruction where I live, and that occasionally will encompass Zen ideas or philosophy if anyone brings up an interest in that, and the hardest thing was making up a biography and cover letter to take to the various agencies around town. It felt really strange to be talking up this or that aspect of myself or Buddhism, so I finally made it real short and to the point w/o too many references to Buddhism or myself. That was a compromise and it probably would have been better to make it more "Buddhist", but I found I just wasn't comfortable w/ that.
@smarino How do you know their processing was them trying to find the right answer rather than thinking of the right way to explain it for your understanding? Taking time to process isn't a bad thing. not everyone can think on their toes and throw out a spontaneous answer that will be helpful. Teachers are there to answer your questions the best they can, and with Buddhist teachers (in my experience) sometimes that answer varies based on who is asking because they know your level of understanding. I take my time to think before I speak, because otherwise my answer comes out all sorts of disjointed. I have to take time to consider the question, the understanding of who is asking, and proceed from there. Just because you assume it is an attempt to find the right answer doesn't make it so.
At the moment, I'm reading Cutting Through Spiritual Materialism by Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche. It's all about how the ego and spirituality get caught up together. Samsara, samsara, samsara. Compassion needed. Love needed.
Sounds like you're reacting to the ego that's behind the fake smile and maybe the superiority of their smugness? I react badly to people like that. We had a team building day last week and the guy was full of it. As someone said to me this week - I don't suffer fools gladly.
I'm still in Samsara. Need to find love. Need to find compassion. Want to find an implement to hit them on the nose with. Love, compassion, patience.
Well said @karasti
Exactly so, levels of listeners needs considerable care and attention.
Many of us trump mouth first, think later and feel we are dzogchens gift to the dharma ...
Would not fool a low level realiser. The beauty of a forum is having the time to consider. As a seasoned troll hunter, extremist and general purpose 'rent a *gob', I know from experience to consider my questions very carefully ... and any supposed answers even more so ...
Iz considered 'right speech' plan ...
*gob - english slang - big mouth spitting opinions
@smarino, It's not a skilful thing to 'act calm and good when you're really not''.
But it IS a good thing to cultivate the response of 'Calm and Good' so that 'really not' won't figure.
It is not wrong to CHOOSE a response that is calm and good, when faced with the opportunity of doing that, or opting for an angry and outraged 5 minutes.
It's a question pf practice and making the Right Effort.
And it is surprisingly easy to breathe and to remain calm, when the person in front of you is going purple during an apoplectic fit. It's far better for both of you if you do. And brings matters to an end, more quickly.
@Titddlywinds, Compassion is not always loving, soft and cuddly. Compassion is sometimes a hard kick in the pants and a good sound talking to - with an attitude of Loving kindness and Empathy. Rather like a parent towards a child who has been guilty of some minor misdemeanour, we can give people a piece of our mind, without losing peace of mind, by skilful use of words and attitude. We can still love, while we belt them round the head with a metaphorical cast-iron frying pan....
I hear you and usually they hear the frying pan a bit more easily than my calm and peace. Even though I'm trying really really hard to be less harsh - it still comes out... Another several lifetimes to work through it, methinks.
Tee Hee.
Exactly right @federica.
If using metaphorical frying pan, be extra cautious and observe situation of all concerned, before during and after hard brexit advice.
I would suggest most kindly that having the ability to be thawked is a far greater/more advanced skill ... In the words of Bodhi JC 'when thwacked, hand your attacker a bigger frying pan' ...
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Turning_the_other_cheek
Here is another version:
'Lay fast hold on Allah
and you will find him in front of you.
Get acquainted with Allah in days of ease
and He will recognize you in days of distress.
Know that what missed you could not have hit you
and what hit you could not have missed you.
Know that victory comes
with patient endurance,
relief with anxiety,
ease with hardship.'
http://web.archive.org/web/20031011051656/http://pages.britishlibrary.net/edjason/friends/
Ay caramba!
... and there is relevant Buddhist advice too ...
http://www.lotsawahouse.org/tibetan-masters/geshe-langri-thangpa/eight-verses-training-mind